Showers

[Bastard Child]

This rain like the languid masticating of a cow outside my window thuds, taps, knocks - lulling, rusting, blunting the cold sharp steel wings of anxiety, the precipitate notions of duty and obligation, knives behind the eyes as on a hangover morn... Am I well awake?
Thud, tip, plop, drums the monotonous chorus on.
I don’t want to move. I don’t want to think or feel or do or say anything - but listen. I could listen for eons, from grey-bearded ages to slow tired steps of timeless time, lethargic time, reclining on the shoulder of a dream.
Depression isn’t half so soothing, nor happiness so sweetly lengthy...
Tip, plop, clap - delicately on the ear - clop, tap...
Your gauzy fingers in the rain, visions descend upon the brain:
- Grant you merciful visitations in my sleep?
- Gently blow upon the fevered beads that stain my forehead with a thousand black memories?
That point toward the floorboards as would say:
“Look to it man! There’s more beneath...”
... (Poe-Poe) ... (Poe-Poe) ... (Poe-Poe) ...
Tell-tale signs of a parasitic guilt - already markedly neurotic - gone suicide:
Betray the host!
- Shouts the commanding officer cell, leading the viral offensive...
- Scrub hard! Harder!
- Counters the dosage of daily intake, colour-coated anti-screamers
- Rub dry those damned infernal beads, those informants most perfidious !
“Oh merciful Goddess, blow it all away with one swift fatal kiss; how often have I invoked you in my anguish?"
...And now it is granted me, this peace, as I sit by my open soul, entranced by the beating of the rain against my window sill, thinking sweet thoughts of reconciliation and the promise of love...

[tailor STATELY]

(re-adjusts magnification from 150% to normal) A line break or two might be easier on my poor tired eyes; but I can live with it.

Interesting. Blurs the line between prose and the short story.

Spell check: check [UK rendering of color/colour - no prob]

Ambiance/mood: All over the landscape in a good way. Interesting allusion to "The Tell Tale Heart"; craftily obvious.

Word usage: Should be tolerable for 10th years and above. Use of sounds and words as sounds: interesting.

I like it.

[Bastard Child]

Just by the by, the UK spelling was intentional and always was, it's jut I sometimes let myself get influenced by US corrective grammar programs such as are standard with Word... Thanks for the feedback though...

[tailor STATELY]

Just by the by, the UK spelling was intentional and always was, it's jut I sometimes let myself get influenced by US corrective grammar programs such as are standard with Word... I do the same. I'm half-Brit and love to change it up as the muse sees fit.

Thanks for the feedback though...De nada. I've been intrigued with your earlier writings. Welcome to litnet.

[hillwalker]

Powerful stuff, and echoing the sounds of the rain so effectively (as well as portraying depression in all its disguises)

I particularly enjoyed this

lulling, rusting, blunting the cold sharp steel wings of anxiety

rain as a selective serotonin reuptake inhibtor - you could have something there.

Immensely readable as is all your work on here (and on the story threads)

[PrinceMyshkin]

If poetry is the sometimes awkward liaison between thought, feeling and the tyranny of literary/linguistic form, this is the Real McCoy! It's brilliant, except, I think, for the intrusive, mistrustful inclusion of


“Look to it man! There’s more beneath...”
... (Poe-Poe) ... (Poe-Poe) ... (Poe-Poe) ...


for those who might have missed the allusions to "The Tell-tale Heart". Poems ought not, I think, to be a subset of the NY Times Sunday Crossword puzzles but ought to work even for those who might miss 100% of the literary or personal allusions.

But did I already say "brilliant" ? And deeply moving.