Here.

[dafydd manton]

Here

Evenings are not good,
Not for a walk in the park.
It's almost deserted, now,
Just a few couples,
Strolling, hand in Hand.
Even the flowers seem to match
The grey of the path
As I walk alone.

The river gurgles and splashes
Over the weir,
And the wind ruffles
The feathers of the trees.

A rising crescendo,
The tympani-roll
Descending from the darkling sky
As a big jet climbs out
Heading South.
I stand and watch as it fades,
And my eyes prick and blur.

[Skia]

Aww...

This brought a tear to my eye,

I hope I have interpreted this right... which I think I have..

The emotions are rich and I love how you can make the reader feel like the narrator. Well i certainly felt like it. :)

I love how this poem can relate to so many people.. Including me..

[PrinceMyshkin]

Something wrong with the syntax here:


Even the flowers seem to the match

The ending really brought this home for me.

[Bar22do]

Here

Evenings are not good,
Not for a walk in the park.
It's almost deserted, now,
Just a few couples,
Strolling, hand in Hand.
Even the flowers seem to the match
The grey of the path I walk,
Alone.
The river gurgles and splashes
Over the weir,
And the wind ruffles the feathers of the trees.
Over it, like a rising crescendo,
The tympani-roll
Descending from the darkling sky
As one of the big jets climbs out
Heading South.
I stand and watch as it fades,
And my eyes prick
And blur.

Daf is sad again, and again touching and successful. Where is she? But seriously, I love this one a lot, for its simplicity and effective imagery. Such a contrast with my own "here" though!
Why "hand in Hand" - is there a special meaning to H? Anyway, stop using your Hand to dry your tears, it's best to have it ready to hold Her Hand the minute she shows up!
I would start
"Evenings are not good
for a walk in the park
now almost deserted
but for a few couples
strolling..."

[hillwalker]

Poignant daf - especially the image of the lone walker and the few hand-in-hand couples. One can sense why the writer is alone without having to be told.

line 6 has one 'the' too many btw

H

[dafydd manton]

Thanks, everybody. Prince and Hill, accurate typing is not my forte! Thanks for pointing it out. It is corrected, and the appropriate hand smacked.

Skia, you are very probably right!

Bar, I really appreciate your input, I put it like that to depict the heaviness of heart, the fact that evenings weigh more heavily than any other time. I know it's a bit chunky, but I think it gets the despair over a bit more. Thanks for the thought, always welcome

[Delta40]

I can feel the cool breeze rustle through the trees as the sun goes down...

[dafydd manton]

Were you there with me? I didn't see you, but you're dead right. Mistake!!!

[Jerrybaldy]

You missed the flight again Daf?? You and your tardiness.
That was great Daffy, really great.
cheers mate
Jerry

[dafydd manton]

Starts to look that way, Jerry. This is getting to be habitual! Cheers, thanks for that.

[Maryd.]

Well I am still using tissues and it's not because of this stupid cold I have right now. I do hope the walk in the park will be better for you in the future. I do hope your hand feels hers.
I felt this one.

[dafydd manton]

Thanks, Mary. Would you like to borrow my handkerchief - the red one with the white spots?

[angliholic]

Another masterpiece!
Good for you!
You're getting perfect and perfect!
Thanks for sharing, Daffy!

[Maryd.]

Thanks, Mary. Would you like to borrow my handkerchief - the red one with the white spots?

Yes please...

[dafydd manton]

Could you launder it before I have it back, please?

[Maryd.]

Great I borrow one thing from the man... And I have to do his washing as well. Ar, if must.

[dafydd manton]

Whilst you're there, could you sew a shirt on this button?

[Maryd.]

Give me that! Must I do everything around here.

Sits back, comfortably in her rocking chair, grabs the needle and thread and away she sews...

[dafydd manton]

*Re-adjusts white bun in hair.......*

[Maryd.]

Rocks steadily, back - forward, one stitch... Back fowarad two stitches.

At this rate you should have your shirt around this time next year

[Hawkman]

Line breaks, Daf. A good poem but it needs a tidy. Best, H

[dafydd manton]

Thanks Hawk... Any advice, please? It was written in rather a hurry, and not the best of moods.

[Hawkman]

Actually Daf, as i really looked at it the line breaks weren't the only problem. I have divided it into stanzas and adjusted the phrasing in a couple of places. I think it works better like this:

"Evenings are not good,
Not for a walk in the park.
It's almost deserted now,
Just a few couples,
Strolling, hand in Hand.
The flowers seem to match
The grey of the path
As I walk alone.

The river gurgles,
Splashes over the weir,
and the wind ruffles
the feathers of the trees.

A rising crescendo,
The tympani-roll
Descending from the darkling sky
As a big jet climbs out,
Heading South.
I stand and watch as it fades,
And my eyes prick and blur."

[dafydd manton]

Thanks for that, Hawk, always appreciate your experience. Job done, with much gratitude.

Mary, is that shirt ready yet? I'm supposed to be going to the Tramps Ball.

[Maryd.]

...Mary, is that shirt ready yet? I'm supposed to be going to the Tramps Ball.

Ah my dear sir, these things take time...

There all done 6 shiny new buttons... Happy now?

[dafydd manton]

Oh lovely - I love the colour. Pink - matches my eyes!

[Maryd.]

I knew you would like pearl buttons... You have good taste.

[dafydd manton]

I do - I like peanut butter on steaks, which is dead classy, and I often wear spats over my desert boots, too. Very Hupper Claaaass! What!

[Maryd.]

Peanut butter on steak! I've never heard of it... Should try it one day... Oyeee, there 'aint nuffin rong wif bein hupper classs.... Done nok et!

[dafydd manton]

Fan Queue.

[Maryd.]

yr welcom

[dafydd manton]

Ta!.....

[Haunted]

When I first read it which was tonight and it was after reading Hill's, I thought you were writing about Lockerbie! We could have have a trilogy!
Now I see that your plane is actually taking off...hope the return flight is fast approaching. Feeling the sadness nevertheless.

[dafydd manton]

Thanks - it was one of the saddest moments I think I've ever had, actually, so having the encouragement from others on here to express that made it easier, and probably more help.

After 15 years in the RAF, I couldn't write about air crashes - seen too many.