The night when you're leaving

[angliholic]

Eighteen is a flowery age,
a pretty bud,
and the charming time to take a ride with the autumn wind
like a touring minstrel,
carrying only a guitar on your back
and a few songs in your bag,
stepping on a red carpet of fallen leaves
like walking on cloud nine,
and traveling to the far off places around the world.

The night when you're leaving,
I'll pluck two brightest stars in the sky for your earrings
to accompany you on the journey,
to lighten up your way in the darkest moment,
and to let you think of me if you're lonely.

When you're back,
don't forget to tell me many a story!

[GEETASHREE]

Eighteen is a flowery age,
a pretty bud,
and the utterly charming time to ride with autumn wind
like a touring minstrel,
carrying only a guitar on your back
and a few songs in your bag,
stepping on a red carpet of fallen leaves
like walking on cloud nine,
and traveling to the far off places around the world.

The night when you're leaving,
I'll pluck two brightest stars in the sky for your earrings
to accompany you on the journey,
to lighten up your way in the darkest moment,
and to let you think of me if you're lonely.

When you're back,
don't forget to tell me many a story!



As usual , beautiful and romantic.

[dafydd manton]

Ang, I loved that line about riding the autumn wind. Oddly, and I know it's a strange comparison, but there's a line in Stairway to Heaven", which goes "There's a feeling I get when I look to the West/And my spirit is crying for leaving". Oh to pick up the metaphorical guitar, and head for the mountains and the sea! Once again, a beautifyl piece of work.

[angliholic]

As usual , beautiful and romantic.

Thanks, Geeta, for the beautiful feedback!
I love that!
Haven't seen you around for a while!
How have you been?


Ang, I loved that line about riding the autumn wind. Oddly, and I know it's a strange comparison, but there's a line in Stairway to Heaven", which goes "There's a feeling I get when I look to the West/And my spirit is crying for leaving". Oh to pick up the metaphorical guitar, and head for the mountains and the sea! Once again, a beautifyl piece of work.

Thanks, Daffy, for the nice words again!
I'm learning from you and great poets on this forum!

[dafydd manton]

Ang, it is so kind of you to say so, and there are indeed some great poets here, but not me, I'm afraid. I'm still very much at the learning stage, and one of the people I learn from is you. Keep it going, because I can safely say we all really enjoy your work. You have never disappointed us - and never will!

[Skia]

:)

Wow, You have certainly earned my applause!
And I'm sure many other poets on here!

I adore this line - "I'll pluck two brightest stars in the sky for your earrings"
Absolutely magical words.

Another beautiful line - "and the utterly charming time to ride with autumn wind"

You truly never cease to disappoint me.

And of course -"Eighteen is a flowery age, a pretty bud" is just magnificent,

Seriously, really well done, I loved it.

Thanks for sharing. :)

x

[angliholic]

Ang, it is so kind of you to say so, and there are indeed some great poets here, but not me, I'm afraid. I'm still very much at the learning stage, and one of the people I learn from is you. Keep it going, because I can safely say we all really enjoy your work. You have never disappointed us - and never will!
Thanks, Daffy, for the most considerate words.
Little wonder you're so popular on this litnet!



:)

Wow, You have certainly earned my applause!
And I'm sure many other poets on here!

I adore this line - "I'll pluck two brightest stars in the sky for your earrings"
Absolutely magical words.

Another beautiful line - "and the utterly charming time to ride with autumn wind"

You truly never cease to disappoint me.

And of course -"Eighteen is a flowery age, a pretty bud" is just magnificent,

Seriously, really well done, I loved it.

Thanks for sharing. :)

x

Thanks, dear Skia, for the magnificent feedback!
I like the way you quoted the lines that you liked so that I may know what words will move people other than my own country fellows!

[Skia]

I like the way you quoted the lines that you liked so that I may know what words will move people other than my own country fellows!

Well your most very welcome, :) x

[hillwalker]

This is a beaut angli, as they would say in Oz. I love the way you have combined the red carpet of autumn leaves and the star-filled sky.

Personally I would do away with 'utterly' in line 3 as it does not add any value to the adjective 'charming' that follows (and also 'utterly' is an 'utterly' unpleasant sounding word when read out - compared to the rest of your poem).

H

[aliengirl]

As charming as ever. The ride with the autumn wind, the red carpet of fallen leaves, and the brightest stars for the earrings are very suggestive. Its a novel poem dear!

[Delta40]

sigh...you remind me of me when I left home....

[angliholic]

This is a beaut angli, as they would say in Oz. I love the way you have combined the red carpet of autumn leaves and the star-filled sky.

Personally I would do away with 'utterly' in line 3 as it does not add any value to the adjective 'charming' that follows (and also 'utterly' is an 'utterly' unpleasant sounding word when read out - compared to the rest of your poem).

H
Thanks, Hillwalker, for the nice feedback and advice.
I have corrected it as you suggested!
Btw, what did you mean "as they would say in Oz?" What is Oz?


As charming as ever. The ride with the autumn wind, the red carpet of fallen leaves, and the brightest stars for the earrings are very suggestive. Its a novel poem dear!

Thanks, AG, for your charming feedback!
You're such a peach!


sigh...you remind me of me when I left home....
Oh!
You left home at a flowery age!
To travel or to study?


Well your most very welcome, :) x
Thanks for your welcome, Skia!

[hillwalker]

Oz - a friendly term for Australia. A 'beaut' is something or someone beautiful.

[Skia]

Yeah I say beaut all the time ;)

[Jerrybaldy]

Lovely Ang ( back from your trip to the dark side)
Are you a buddhist?
regards
Jerry

[Delta40]

[QUOTE=angliholic;953695]
Oh!
You left home at a flowery age!
To travel or to study?
QUOTE]

wish it was either but it was just to leave home - saying that, I commenced real life school from that day onwards :-)

[angliholic]

Oz - a friendly term for Australia. A 'beaut' is something or someone beautiful.
Thanks, Hillwalker, for the explanation!
I'm learning!


Yeah I say beaut all the time ;)
Thanks, my dear Skia.
You're so nice!


Lovely Ang ( back from your trip to the dark side)
Are you a buddhist?
regards
Jerry
Thanks, Jerry, for your lovely feedback!
As for your question, it's a long story for me to tell you!
In short, I grew up in a buddhist and Taoist family and country, but when I grew up I went to Bible study regularly!
Now I think all religions are good, and I believe in Buddha, Jesus Christ, and Allah as well!


[QUOTE=angliholic;953695]
Oh!
You left home at a flowery age!
To travel or to study?
QUOTE]

wish it was either but it was just to leave home - saying that, I commenced real life school from that day onwards :-)
Wow! What a tough school you went to!
You must be a doctor of real life now!
You have my respect and admiration!