Can you find your real soulmate or twin flame in life?

[blazeofglory]

Marriage is a big drama and a form of legal prostitution, a license so that you can own a woman. In our culture marriage gives extra authority to males over females. So that he can beat, tortures and even kill by pouring a galleon of kerosene on her body.

Even in the west there are no cases of such tortures. Marriages are self initiated, not arranged. Marriages break soon and it is children that unifies the family mostly.

Now the question is: Have you really found your soul mate? Most do not want to disclose for social or familial reasons. This question can be answered in more than one way.
Sex is the prime mover in the beginning, but this urge fades away gradually. There are other things that have made marriages obligatory. In many societies or cultures marriages are not optional, particularly when one gets married at a very tender age, sometimes when one is just 6 or 10 years old only.

Marriage is a forced contract and it stands as a bondage or a harness to a person. But this bondage is self chosen when it is done on the self initiative and this is thrust into us when it is arranged.

The question is: Can we still get our soul mate under these circumstances? If we dare or be unpretentious, the answer is NO.

I thought it is a burning question? Wrote expecting lots of diverse answers, but got none. Funny, isn't it?

Maybe it is too soon to expect. People have to ponder this over, re-ponder whether this is expressible or not.

[Maximilianus]

Quite a subject to talk about. I just hadn't seen it before. I will reply now, to the best that comes to my humble mind.


Have you really found your soul mate? I thought I had. I was wrong, but it's reasonable considering I'm wrong more often than not on all sorts of matters, so why would it be different regarding love? Hence no, I haven't.


Sex is the prime mover in the beginningNot that I have something against sex in itself, but I was actually aiming at making love, if in any case there is still any person with a reasonable ability to distinguish the subtle difference between sex and love making.


Marriage is a forced contract and it stands as a bondage or a harness to a person. But this bondage is self chosen when it is done on the self initiative and this is thrust into us when it is arranged.Put it this way, it sounds very much as a form of submission. Allow me to remind you that submission is not the same as love. Love should be spontaneous... well, if we assume there are still people willing to love, and if we assume there are still people without an utter urge to submit themselves.


Can we still get our soul mate under these circumstances?In order to get a REAL soul mate, both parts of the deal have to have an equivalent level of commitment to each other. Talking with a friend the other day, we both agreed that many people settle for less than needed in order to fill certain gaps instead of the whole hole. Just as a mild example of this, one part may be put in the belief that they are one of two members of something special, while the other part feels to be a member of something comfy, mayhap not ideal, but comfy enough to suffice a certain purpose, namely "to fill some gaps". Now, pathetic seems the role the first person plays, right? Especially considering they'll be the last to find out they were a mere patch, soon to be disposed of as fast as "someone better" shows up to become a supposedly better patch to a supposedly worse hole.

NB to occasional warped-minded morons: when I said "whole hole" and "hole" I had no pun intended in mind, so get off my back, 'cause I'm really sick of having low level people like you in your dang surveillance mode whenever I'm trying to make a serious talk. So get the hell out of my head. You don't live in it, while I do, and none of you are welcome inside, so don't come and tell me what definition of "hole" I have inside there, 'cause you don't know me at all, as I don't know you.

Sorry to have hijacked your thread for a moment, blaze, but I had to establish a few parameters due to this sixth sense that tells me what's coming next. Appealing subject to talk about, by the way. Ta-ta for now.

[kasie]

Let's just put it this way, Blaze - my husband of twenty-two years died six years ago: I still miss him. The raw pain of loss has gone but every day there is an ache caused by his absence. He was a one-off - they broke the mould when they made him. I don't want anyone else in his place.

[blazeofglory]

Let's just put it this way, Blaze - my husband of twenty-two years died six years ago: I still miss him. The raw pain of loss has gone but every day there is an ache caused by his absence. He was a one-off - they broke the mould when they made him. I don't want anyone else in his place.

First of all I want to empress words of consolation for the loss incurred.

Meanwhile, I do not understand why you seem so much hooked to the one who is no more here existentially. You seem quite young and I suppose modern too. Of course at times religious beliefs or dogmas stand as a bar. Is it out of religious attributes you cannot find him replaceable? I mean can you not find any one to make you forget him and live a merry and cheerful life once again. There are flowers of different colors and shapes in the garden and can you not pick up one to the contentment of your heart? This world is too big and with too many interesting people and finishing up your entire life in the mourning of the departed one does not seem appropriate. Finally you are your judge, but the trend is the majority forget in reality the departed one, the fool wails for it.

[MANICHAEAN]

Blaze
To a certain extent I agree with Shakespeare's phrase about women being young men's mistresses, companions in middle age & nurses in old age. But then perhaps thats too general. I think every man, (if he is lucky) can fall head over heels (a la soul mate) about 5 or 6 times in his life given the right circumstances (e.g.travel, a wide circle of friends). I'm not sure if I envy or feel sorry for those that just fall in love once & ride off to married bliss or long partner relationships.
Arranged marriages, slavery? I'm not going there again. I got burned in the last thread I did on that. Suffice to say, (& I have worked a lot overseas with Indians, Pakistanis & Nepalis) in the majority of cases it seems to work. That is, presuming the parents put enough sensivity & research into all the aspects of: caste, age, compatability, social background, religion etc.Then as I understand it, both prospective bride & groom can say the definitive yey or ney?
In Nigeria & The Middle East I became familiar with the arrangement of multiple wives, which also seemed to work. Wife Number 1 was consulted before Wife Number 2 joined the family & they became like sisters, sharing the bringing up of their kids etc.
Can you find your real soulmate or twin flame in life? I bloody well hope so & don't intend to give up trying!

Max. Don't let them get under your skin. Human beings in general can be put into three categories: those that are billed to death, those that are bored to death, and those that are quite simply worried to death.

Kasie
I wish I knew how to express the sadness that your mail evokes. Please excuse if the above reply by me to Blaze above appears insensitive in referring to multiple loves.
M

[blazeofglory]

Kasie
I wish I knew how to express the sadness that your mail evokes. Please excuse if the above reply by me to Blaze above appears insensitive in referring to multiple loves.
M

I too endorse this idea asking Kaisie for excusing us. But MANICHAEAN's reply is not insensitive at all

[kasie]

Blaze, Man - Thanks for your kind thoughts but don't worry! I'm not mourning for my loss. I'm getting on with my life and enjoying it. I'm not so young, either! Perhaps I'm just too lazy to start all over again with someone new - whoever he may be, he'll have a hard act to follow.

As for wives nos 2, 3 - I suppose if you grow up in a culture where this is the accepted norm, then it may well work. But for me living in a society where being married means 'forsaking all others, cleaving unto you only, till death do us part', it's hard to come to terms with such a concept. (I told you I wasn't young, didn't I - I'm really, really old-fashioned about some things!)

[blazeofglory]

Blaze, Man - Thanks for your kind thoughts but don't worry! I'm not mourning for my loss. I'm getting on with my life and enjoying it. I'm not so young, either! Perhaps I'm just too lazy to start all over again with someone new - whoever he may be, he'll have a hard act to follow.

As for wives nos 2, 3 - I suppose if you grow up in a culture where this is the accepted norm, then it may well work. But for me living in a society where being married means 'forsaking all others, cleaving unto you only, till death do us part', it's hard to come to terms with such a concept. (I told you I wasn't young, didn't I - I'm really, really old-fashioned about some things!)

May I ask you which country you came of, what religion or culture you belong to ? How old you are.

Do I sound disgraceful?

[Maximilianus]

Let's just put it this way, Blaze - my husband of twenty-two years died six years ago: I still miss him. The raw pain of loss has gone but every day there is an ache caused by his absence. He was a one-off - they broke the mould when they made him. I don't want anyone else in his place.
So sorry. Just to throw a bright light on it, it seems there are still good mates out there worth suffering for, and worth missing.


Max. Don't let them get under your skin. Human beings in general can be put into three categories: those that are billed to death, those that are bored to death, and those that are quite simply worried to death.
Thank you for the kind words. I will try to put them in practice.

[Helga]

I don't think what we call a soulmate is real. I don't think I will meet someone and think of him as a soulmate, I think falling in love is very different from it. I especially think this when it comes to people who fall in and out of love and think everytime that they found a soulmate. I am looking for love not a soulmate.

when it comes to arranged marriages I think it is possible to find happiness and even love but if you insist on finding some soulmate you will be looking for a long time.

[MANICHAEAN]

Interesting point Helga. What is a "soul mate?'
If you can sit in silence in each others company and yet feel very close & comfortable with someone is that it?

[Maximilianus]

I don't think what we call a soulmate is real. I don't think I will meet someone and think of him as a soulmate, I think falling in love is very different from it. I especially think this when it comes to people who fall in and out of love and think everytime that they found a soulmate. I am looking for love not a soulmate.

when it comes to arranged marriages I think it is possible to find happiness and even love but if you insist on finding some soulmate you will be looking for a long time.
Interesting way to see it. In my opinion, I feel that a love and a soul mate are approximately the same. I think you fall in love with someone because both souls somehow mate with each other, in a form of compatibility, having similar goals or thoughts or mutual things to share. It doesn't mean both parts have to be exactly equal (it would be quite impossible or extremely difficult I suppose), but there must be a crossroad between the two, so to speak, or that's the way I see it.


Interesting point Helga. What is a "soul mate?'
If you can sit in silence in each others company and yet feel very close & comfortable with someone is that it?
In my opinion, it is.

[Helga]

Maybe my thoughts on this are in part because of how very un-romantic I am, I don't want romance in my life, at least not what most of my friends and people around me seem to think is romantic. Also I don't like labeling things, if you fall in love it's because of chemistry and wanting to be together, that only means you are willing to work on a relationship with one person for the rest of your life not that he/she is your soulmate. I also don't believe in love at first sight but I do think there is lust at first sight and people often girls see it as something else.

like I said I am not a romantic sort of girl.

[Dodo25]

I don't think there are soulmates.

I see it pragmatically. Marriage is useful, it creates a kind of sincerity which can actually enhance the committment and happiness of the couple. Furthermore, it has legal benefits.

But I don't think it needs to be absolute, divorces are fine, it only becomes problematic when children are involved..

[Helga]

I don't think there are soulmates.

I see it pragmatically. Marriage is useful, it creates a kind of sincerity which can actually enhance the committment and happiness of the couple. Furthermore, it has legal benefits.

But I don't think it needs to be absolute, divorces are fine, it only becomes problematic when children are involved..

I don't think it's the kids that make a divorce problematic, I may not have been married but I had been living with a man for 5 years and our son is 4 years old and there haven't been any problems. If you are able to talk to each other and to your child than the problems are no bigger than before. He loves seeing his dad and he loves to come home to me.

He has told me though that I need a husband, don't think I'll do that just yet though (if ever) ;)

[Scheherazade]

Maybe my thoughts on this are in part because of how very un-romantic I am, I don't want romance in my life, at least not what most of my friends and people around me seem to think is romantic. Also I don't like labeling things, if you fall in love it's because of chemistry and wanting to be together, that only means you are willing to work on a relationship with one person for the rest of your life not that he/she is your soulmate. I also don't believe in love at first sight but I do think there is lust at first sight and people often girls see it as something else.

like I said I am not a romantic sort of girl.I consider myself somewhat romantic but I am skeptical about the whole idea of "soul mates" as well.

It'd be too idealistic to assume that there is only one person out there for each one of us, considering world population is approaching 7 billion today. And what a great coincidence that they happen to live in your country and speak your language as well (in most cases)!

It's true that we feel closer to certain people and are more willing to make the compromises that are necessary to keep a relationship afloat. However, I also believe that there is the possibility that if we meet the same person at a different period in our lives, we may not react to them in the same manner and possibly end up with someone else.

[OrphanPip]

I think the term soul mate does conjure up ideas of automatic, love at first site, sort of notions of romantic relations which are unpractical. Long term relationships require effort, whether its worthwhile or not is something else. Nor do I believe people can't develop sincere feelings of romantic attachment gradually, and it is certainly possible for arranged marriages to function even if the idea of placing that kind of decision in the hands of other is reprehensible to my individual inclinations.

As to a specific person you're destined to meet, it's a silly notion, it gives justification to make relationships that would otherwise work, not work. There's no anima to my animus out there (or rather animus to my animus).