Poem I wrote for school

[rae709]

I wrote this two years ago, and I'm not usually very good at writing poetry, so I will gladly take any comments that I'm given.




A hungry soul is a lot like a homeless man.
They both desire warmth and shelter.
A place for them to stay and rest.
They both search for love.
The feeling of being desired.
The fiery passion that most men have been given.
For both the hungry soul and the homeless man know that it is not the money
Or the fame
Or the things that make a life worth living.
Without love and warmth and shelter, there is no life to live.

[Hawkman]

Actually I don't think this is a bad poem, but i would work on the line breaks and punctuation a bit. E.g.

"A hungry soul is a lot like a homeless man;
They both desire warmth and shelter,
A place for them to stay and rest.
They both search for love,
The feeling of being desired,
The fiery passion that most men have been given.
For both the hungry soul
and the homeless man
know that it is not the money,
Or the fame,
Or the things that make a life worth living:
Without love and warmth and shelter,
there is no life to live."

Best, H

[rae709]

Thanks for the reply. I'll definitely keep the punctuation in mind. I didn't even realize it until after i posted it.

[Skia]

I quite like this :)

[breathtest]

A relevant comparison. I agree with Hawkman that you should work on the line breaks a little just to make it flow better. but it is pretty good apart from that.