Harry has no legs

[Jerrybaldy]

Harry has no legs beneath the knees.
Feeling melancholic, one night
he sat upon the lines,
so melodramatically
drunk, when the 10.20
from Paddington,
sliced that night,
into the rest of his life.

Billy has one eye.
Bouncing off the walls, one night,
he bounced into John,
spilling his beer.
A promise, to buy another, failed
and John took his eye
with the tip of his knife
and left him an empty momento.

Julie has the jaundice.
She hasn't got long to go.
She sleeps with them both,
when closing time tolls.
Each dealt a gift,
in their bloodstreams,
they will both
share her destiny soon.

[Delta40]

very artistic. I like how you bring Billy and harry together via Julie with no promise of a happy ending for anyone.

[Hawkman]

Both jaunty and grim this poem functions very well as a savage social commentary.

"Harry has no legs beneath the knees.
Feeling melancholic, one night
he sat upon the lines,
so melodramatically,
so drunk,
and the 10.20 from Paddington
sliced that night
into the rest of his life."

The metre faulters a little in the first verse and I would suggest making a slight alteration to:

Harry has no legs beneath the knees.
Feeling melancholic, one night
he sat upon the lines,
so melodramatically drunk
when the 10.20
from Paddington,
sliced, that night,
into the rest of his life.

Good one JB

H

[Jerrybaldy]

Delta. I very much liked how you phrased that. thanks.
Hawk. have revised as you suggested. thanks

[Haunted]

what an imagination you have there, Jerry. The way you shape these characters, you offer a subtle and pessimistic glimpse of life's many miseries. Very memorable piece.

[angliholic]

Very original, creative, and imaginative!
I can't recognize it's yours if there is no avartar of yours!
Great work!
You're getting more and more perfect!