Facade

[Delta40]

His floorboards
scratched
filled with grime
from a lifetime
yet a pervasive
odour of eucalypt
fresh and breezy
emanated from them
He was the same really
as he hung about
in the creaking hall
groomed and scented
lilac patterned tie
knotted tight round his neck
a final smile eternally fixed
as he revealed his
bleak life story
through broken
discoloured teeth
rotting gums
bleeding from a
last futile brush
he could only ever
smell nice for a while

[dafydd manton]

Ouch! That one is painful - everybody knows one (I'm teaching one to drive in the morning, and he's only 17, but with green teeth). Brilliant observation, Delta.

[Hawkman]

What a ghastly apparition you conjour for our delectation! Very well written Delta.

[Delta40]

thank you both.

[Jerrybaldy]

Sounds like somebody old and tired of life, smelling of the end. I felt sad for him (intended or not). Its funny how over time you get to see people's personal styles of writing. I can see yours in this (all for the good)Would be fun to see several people write a poem on a given subject anonymously and see if we can spot who wrote what by the style.
Jerry

[hillwalker]

Definitely a dark piece, Delta - almost the scent of formaldehyde rather than eucalyptus.

and


Would be fun to see several people write a poem on a given subject anonymously and see if we can spot who wrote what by the style

what a brilliant idea - but how could it possible work? unless they are all PM'd to one unbiased 3rd party who then posts them on here in one thread once complete..... interesting, verr verr interesting.

[blank|verse]

Great metaphysical conceit, Delta. I've heard it said that owners look like their dogs, but their homes...? Brilliant observation.

I'm not a fan of the lack of punctuation though. I find it a bit annoying having to stop and put in the full stops in my head so it reads well. Does it add anything to the poem without them?

But that's a minor issue in what is a very enjoyable poem.

[angliholic]

Good poem!
Wisely crafted!

[Skia]

Would be fun to see several people write a poem on a given subject anonymously and see if we can spot who wrote what by the style.
Jerry

I like that... Interesting idea.... :P x

P.s, Fantastic, reminds me of a man on the bus the other week... :/

[Lumiere]

You do excellent, layered portraits of people.

(And, on the contrary, I like the lack of punctuation . . . it allows for waves of surprise that make certain lines hit harder.)

[Delta40]

Great metaphysical conceit, Delta. I've heard it said that owners look like their dogs, but their homes...? Brilliant observation.

I'm not a fan of the lack of punctuation though. I find it a bit annoying having to stop and put in the full stops in my head so it reads well. Does it add anything to the poem without them?

But that's a minor issue in what is a very enjoyable poem.

I shoud focus on punctuation a little more

[PrinceMyshkin]

I shoud focus on punctuation a little more

Perhaps it's time to challenge us all to write poems with nothing but punctuation?

And this is a fine, gruesome bit of portraiture.

[Delta40]

Perhaps it's time to challenge us all to write poems with nothing but punctuation?.

,,.,...;;'.

[dafydd manton]

For a whole two hours, with the guy I was teaching to drive, I thought about this poem, and nearly wet myself laughing. For some reason I can't fathom, I kept speaking to him in a Mock Oz accent! And the air conditioning lays a nice barrier between them and me!

[Bar22do]

FACADE

His floorboards
scratched
filled with grime
from a lifetime
yet a pervasive
odour of eucalypt
fresh and breezy
emanated from them
He was the same really
as he hung about
in the creaking hall
groomed and scented
lilac patterned tie
knotted tight round his neck
a final smile eternally fixed
as he revealed his
bleak life story
through broken
discoloured teeth
rotting gums
bleeding from a
last futile brush
he could only ever
smell nice for a while

I love the poem and its TITLE. An abstract idea in such an empiric wrap! kudos.