Origilallity

[Jerrybaldy]

Your comments lead me to despair
with their unwarrented friendly air
I feel the need with my good intents
to steal your useless compliments
and throw them on your sorry verses
so I may flip them into curses
For I will not deal with your banality
As I alone have origilallity.

[dafydd manton]

Jerry, your spell-checker's busted, Mate! (Tee Hee)

[Delta40]

this snowball has got dust and animal hair stuck on it now!

[dafydd manton]

It has rather! Been fun, though! Time for doggies to go beddy-byes, methinks!

[Haunted]

"origilallity"

You're a pun pundit, Jer. Brilliantly original — the word, not its allusion. Bullseye!

[Jerrybaldy]

:beatdeadhorse5:

[angliholic]

As I alone have origilallity.

The above is my favorite line, and indeed it's very original!
The poem does deserve its title!
Good job, Jerry!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Origilality
appears to be your specialality
and your hilarity
is a rararity

[Haunted]

Is that Jerry beating the sh*t out of the bull? hey, go easy on the poor thing, it's a horse!

[lallison]

Thank you, thank you very much. And now, for my final number, at the height of my popularity, I would like to dedicate this just for you. And you know who you your are. I call it:

Song of Yourselves

In and about the martinmass time
Shall I compare thee to a big fat git
Thou are more pretentious, yet less intelligent
(less handsome, less wealthy, poorer personality, etc…)
I fart in your general direction.

I just loved this the first time I read it.
Can't thank you enough for posting it.
It's a very, very thought-provoking work.
I could totally relate--you captured the idea of it beautifully.

Lovely, I do really like this;
I'm sure others will have more detailed comments,
but it conjures up for me a vivid picture of the story you're telling
and the emotions it evoked. Very, very poignant. Thanks!

This is the meat of a neat little short story
if you cared to work it up.
Beautiful image and so delicately drawn and colored in for us.
How much of a present moment is packed into these lines!
That last verse is brave and the most affecting of the whole.

That was powerfully written,
words with real weight.
If respect is possible in cyberspace, I have it for you.
It's often especially moving to me when a poet,
such as you did here, states his or her case boldly,
without adornments or milking the conceit,
a moving and graceful poem.

Hauntingly beautiful and sad!
A very thoughtful piece of poetry.
You inspired me, thanks for touching upon a theme that occupies my mind so often.

Your poem is very strong and has me wondering.
I think in a forum such as this, your lines will be appreciated by all,
as they should be. you have written this so that it reaches a wonderful climax.
Very heartfelt, convincing and imaginative.

i like your poem very much.
Its simple, yet heartfelt.
Ending words are my heart's weakness,
and I have to say that the last three lines are such perfection.
I love this. I always like things that allow me to see a place I didn't think
I could see, understand or imagine. This really does this for me.

It's subtle and touching,
love your poem immensely. And thank you.

nicely written. Great touch of your pen!
Probably, this is the best poem I ever read.
WOW, so philosophical, thank you for this, I just loved it!

I like this poem for three reasons:
for the images that are evoked in it;
for the conciseness of it;
and for the rhythmic cadence of it.
The meaning of the poem cannot be stated explicitly.
It could be said that this poem is about nothing specific.

you have captured the experience perfectly.
Straight from the heart indeed - love the final pair of lines.
Wonderful stuff. As soft and beautiful as ever.
This is perfect and whole.

Probably the most beautiful you've written yet.
Mind if I go and dry my eyes, now?
You express your feelings so admirably, and so gently.
Fantastic. Straight from the heart indeed -
love the final pair of lines. Wonderful stuff.

it amazes me how you can write like this.
phenomenally thought-provoking! An amazingly multi dimensional poem
containing raw emotion that nearly all of us have felt,
but so few can express. Thanks so much for sharing it.






Don't be afraid to express negative opinions about a poem.
Most of us will be very grateful
for the opportunity to improve our work. *
I can see sometimes people want
to boost someone's confidence
by giving praise beyond that which the work merits
(I'm often guilty of this myself),
but ultimately it doesn't help anyone
to improve as a writer
if you only say what is good
and don't point out the things that need work
(or perhaps should be ditched entirely). *

Some other points to keep in mind:

it is generally helpful to give a few specifics to explain
why you do or don't like something.

Where to start: *
Read the poem a few times first before commenting,
and then read it aloud

try to identify the poem's central theme or themes
if it's not evident, you may need to ask the poet for clarification

Are there any metaphors, similes or allusions,
and if so, do you like them or are they strained?
Are the metaphors chosen clear or ambiguous?
Do you even understand what the poem is about,
or should the writer provide more clues? *

Is there enough "showing" versus "telling"?
Are there any sensory references
(ie sight, smell, taste, touch, sound),
and if so, do they work or are they just confusing?

Does the writer manage to convey an idea
on lots of different levels through just a few words,
or are they unnecessarily verbose?
Could one word or image
convey a thought where ten have been used? *
Similarly, are the images repetitive,
or does each one add something new to the poem?

Does it sound good when you read it aloud?
Is the rhythm in keeping with the overall mood of the poem?
Does it scan well?

What about the sound of the words? *
Are there end rhymes or internal rhymes that you like? *
What about part rhymes?
Consonance? *
End consonance? *
Assonance? *
Use of repetition? *
Are all these things enough? *
Too much? *
Is the combination of rhythm and rhyme
in the poem musical,
or is it more like dialogue? *
Is the sense of music or dialogue
appropriate to the subject matter?

Now go away or I shall taunt you again.
lal

[Delta40]

gsoh lall! Wish I had thought of this first.....hey, maybe if I rename it, people with think its mine! (rubs hands together, slyly)

best of luck in your writing lall

[dafydd manton]

I am now going away to write a poem called Pomposity Personified.

I shall include my old granny's saying. "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. It only shows what a fool you can be."

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thank you, thank you very much. And now, for my final number, at the height of my popularity, I would like to dedicate this just for you. And you know who you your are. I call it:

Song of Yourselves

Lal

What a sad way for someone to make his departure from this community. This is the work of someone with a lot of anger, contempt, disdain for those he thinks inferior to himself as poets and - who knows? - perhaps as human beings. Good-bye, lallison.

[hillwalker]

A parting shot if ever I read one..... presumably this tells us so much more about the writer than his target audience.

Best of luck with your writing, lall. I could say that I enjoyed your poems and short stories, but would you think I was being sincere or sarcastic?

When you look in the mirror it seems you will doubt even the most genuine of us.....

[Hawkman]

Would someone care to enlighten me by PM? What is going on here? The first post in this thread appears to be a personal attack on a forum member. Having looked at lall's last thread, moving day, it appears that some people were playing a deeply offensive game at his expense. Now this. What has anyone done to deserve it, I ask. I'm not surprised at his response in the light of this.

If there is other cause I would like to know about it.

Unhappily, H

Edit, Ok, I've heard enough now. Please don't feel obliged to respond further.

H

[Haunted]

Hawk, this is just a poem about how we value originality. It offers a much needed voice to a handful of us here are who are victims of repeat plagiarism. There is no personal attack here and no one is named. It's an expose of an act we deemed not kosher. But just like a crime story, the guilty one always knows it's about them!

And for the record, there was indeed an attack, but it was initiated from the one you're defending. I was the receiving end of it (to my dear Maryd (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=949064)). I gave him the benefit of a doubt and let it slide, but others didnt' think so. Then more came out...the same person who compared my writing to be as original as a greeting card have been plagierizing our critiques to use as his own for others' work. And as unoriginal as I am, he actually found something good to "lift" from me. Talk about irony!

Here's some background reading:
all my own work (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=55691) (give Prince's post a close read)
note my post The Great I Am (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=946264)

That said, I have long confessed to my lack of talent — I'm the author of the thread A Short Collection of Trashy Poems (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=53888), and in there I openly solicit everyone to "trash a trashy poem." So there you have it, trash my stuff, I welcome all kinds of criticisms. It just seems like a shame that someone would do it in a tribute, it's disrespectful to my friend.

[Scheherazade]

~

Please deal with your personal differences through PMs.

If you issues with another member, please report them or their posts.

On a different and as equally important note, if you are not ready to receive negative feedback

-as well as positive-

you might like to reconsider your decision to share your views and/or artistic work with others on a public forum.
~