Straight Blue...

[JackieGinger]

Straight Blue...

there it was with its horizontal,
blue pointed stripes
shut lids that it undid it all, and so:

the tiny continuous wheels rolled
and rolled and rolled
grinding the red asphalt
later melt by yellow, eye-caressing lights
and on it rolled
on the cozy pavement

two steps away there was the bird
in the subconscious, immovable silence
slashing down-across the parallels
to be stopped by the radiant heat
striking her back

to and fro and forth and back
on the battered hillock
when it came
only to take me back
where the blue lights
curved and waved and swerved

[Delta40]

I am not really clear what your poem is about other than car, accident and bird?

[JackieGinger]

last night I did not have time to edit it alright.
Nor to ask the question, which would be whether the text above meant anything to anybody aside my subjective self. Guess I half got the answer to that, Delta.
And you were almost right in your approximation, but the point in it - to me - was in the feeling I got.

[hillwalker]

The image I got was of a hot summer day, a child roller-skating perhaps (??) and a dead or injured bird on the pavement. Whether or not that interpretation is close to what you intended is probably irrelevant; the heat of the day and the to and fro motion of the narrator comes vividly to mind.

There are a few strange expressions embedded within this piece but they do not detract from the realistic picture you have painted for us.

[JackieGinger]

What do you mean by strange?

[PrinceMyshkin]

It is certainly hard to interpret in anything like a literal way, but the excitement is palpable and it reads, partly, as an actual experience and partly as an internalized one. And it is vivid and gripping.

[JackieGinger]

Thanks to you, Prince! It was meant to be an experience, a state triggered by the moment's tiny details, tiny but effective.

[hillwalker]

strange =

shut lids that it undid it all, and so:

or

immovable silence
slashing down-across the parallels
to be stopped by the radiant heat
striking her back

and I meant strange as unusual, not weird.

H

[JackieGinger]

Thanks Hill for pointing that out!