Blink

[Song of Mercy]

As the wind wisps beneath your eye,
The lid a flutter as lash breathes,
Pools of blue, liquid life held,
Black pearl anchor,
Rods to reverse,
Black pearl anchor,
Pools of blue, liquid life held,
The lid a flutter as lash breathes,
And the wind, wisps beneath your eye.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Lovely lyricism in this. Perhaps "breaths" throughout ought to be breathes?

[hillwalker]

A novel idea here and it works really well - some memorable lines.

[Song of Mercy]

Thanks Prince and Hillwalker. Darn spell checkers need a mind reading function! lol

[Delta40]

nice construction and very appropriate.

[blank|verse]

Nice little piece, Song.

I liked the inclusion of 'reverse' in the middle line, signalling the poem's volte face, although I'm not sure what 'rods' are! And I presume the shape imitates the eye in profile.

(Typos in the last line: 'your' not 'you'; no comma after 'wind'?)

[Bar22do]

Sounds like a blink from The Black Pearl of the Caribbean, faster than the Flying Dutchman...
You gave your poem an original, effective form!
Ah - and are "rods" pistols here?
Bravo for this one.
Best - Bar

[Song of Mercy]

Nice little piece, Song.

I liked the inclusion of 'reverse' in the middle line, signalling the poem's volte face, although I'm not sure what 'rods' are! And I presume the shape imitates the eye in profile.

(Typos in the last line: 'your' not 'you'; no comma after 'wind'?)

The comma after wind is supposed to slow the reading down. Does anyone else think this is an appropriate/inappropriate use of a comma in this line?

Blank and Bar, the anatomy of the eye includes cells that are called rods. These rods flip things and send them upside down to the brain which then transmits the data back to us in the way we see. So...rods to reverse is meant to hit on that aspect of anatomy while also signaling middle of the blink.

It is fascinating how truly challenging it is to convey accurately what I mean. I think it is maybe the lack of richness in my poetic handbag.

[Bar22do]

of course, rods, it should have occurred to me. but with your help now I read your poem correctly... pools of blue, liquid life held, rods... thanks for your explanation.