God Forgets to Baby-Sit

[Amylian]

Hi,



Well, as usual, I am experimenting my ability to create a poem without the use of Classical or Romantic implications and concepts. Let alone the style. Of course, not that I want to stick with this, but it's good to experiment once in a while I'd say...!!!



“God Forgets to Baby-Sit”

By

Ali Makki aka Amylian



Eyes all shadowy, confiscated by madness,

Bitterness lurks, boredom sneaks from beneath

As woe invades the crumbling heart,

Surrendering the weary soul to the darkness,

So still is the mind, still is the unmoving scene

That hindered that man’s dreams.

Scars all over, unable to find a reason for,

Tumbling, having dinners with roaches,

Until there might be someone approaching

Who wants to take his burden off himself

By dipping that man upside down,

And beating him as if he is a clown.

Sense works not, not even reason,

For that man, walking his kids to the park,

Was caught for committing treason.

Treason? Now that’s an interesting concept,

I bet,

He loves his kids, his wife maybe,

But he loves peace as well,

So what is that strange soldier wearing dark clothes

Doing disturbing that peace?

Shooting, burning, and cursing the people of the land,

And as weakling as those people are,

They are allowing the strange soldier to sully the land,

To slap them with his hand,

And act hegemonic using his deadly wand.

Well, we’re all God’s children,

But God sometimes forgets to baby-sit them.

So, is it the chance to allow murder?

Or to sneak and steal behind God's back?

I wonder...!!!

Is it the chance to overthrow the father?

I wonder...!!!







Regards,

Ali Makki aka Amylian

[PrinceMyshkin]

I found it hard to get into the swing of this. There was little if any music here and statements that did not always follow each other. Once in a while there are rhymes but they felt arbitrary and were distracting.

[hillwalker]

I don't pretend to understand all that lies behind this but I guess it's a commentary on the militarism of a society where religion is in danger of taking a back seat (and there again I could be way off track).

Your signature style is still here despite your protests that you have discarded all classical influences. Although the subject might be more contemporary there is still a strong underlying sense of holy judgement about the whole piece.

I think personifying the military as a 'strange soldier wearing dark clothes' is perhaps too obvious and simplistic (if that is indeed what you were doing here) - it focuses the reader's attention on one man set against another when of course the odds are much more in favour of the military.

Just my observations... you know by now what to do with them.

H

[Delta40]

I get the impression it is about the plight of mankinds soul, war and the absent caring hands of God.