Pride

[breathtest]

.....

[hillwalker]

It's a good start.... the shower episode in particular.

You have a way with intertwining observation with dialogue (the latter your strongest point I would say). If you can find one, might I suggest using a better example of pride than the greyhound dying of thirst? It's not as strong as the old lady scenario - I have heard stories of dogs on their last legs still insisting on being taken for a walk to avoid messing up indoors..... something along the same lines perhaps?? just a thought.....

H

[Delta40]

I like this as you leave the setting and the character framing to the reader. I'm free to locate these two people in a bar, a late night pot smoking session, drinking at the river - anywhere and that by itself is quite powerful. I am not sure about the ending. It falls a little flat for me in that i expect some actual correlation between the observation and the character - perhaps you will be developing this story and if you do, I will enjoy reading it!

[breathtest]

Thanks Hillwalker - i happen to agree with you about the greyhound bit. It is a little weak. However when i heard this story told to me it really had a profound impact, and i guess i just wanted to convey that.

Delta40 - Yes this is just part of the story. I'm still working on it, so i will post more of it when i'm finished. As for their location, i think that might be revealed later on. Maybe and maybe not, i'll see how it goes. Thanks eternally for reading it, both of you.

[Buh4Bee]

I thought that Gary was arguing from a place of pride and that is why the example of the greyhound worked for me. The argument is not a strong example illustrating his point, but Gary doesn't want to give the argument up.

This may do better as part of a larger story about the relationship between these two characters. Phil and Gary are quite real to me. This dialogue piece was better developed than some of your old stuff I read. I could easily see and hear the two guys. The dialogue didn't blend together as I have experienced in the past from your other stories.

I think for the sake of the story and the humor found particularly Gary who thinks he's an authority on everything, but is really kind of dopey, the perspective he has about the old woman and pride is priceless. However, for some older people, pride is one of the only things they may have left.

[breathtest]

Hey Jersea - thanks for your input, i'm really glad you noticed the way pride ties in to Gary and Phil's relationship. I think you have Gary and Phil mixed up though. Phil is the one telling the stories. No matter, you got what i was trying to get across. I've posted the second part to the story which i have just finished writing. Thanks for reading this.