The Sun's Testimony

[Song of Mercy]

Climbing high, the sun declares truth.
Yet, I bear contempt, feeling cold
For my stand is in the shadow.

Stern, the sun crosses my statements,
My witness of night's cold power.
Wielding light, he boldly counters.

Hope, the accused, rises smiling.
He knows light is piercing my stand.
Finished, weeping, I take hope's hand.


I have never really had my poetry read by other's who understand poetry or even view it as an art. I apologize if I have been a tad defensive. I realized today that I am trying harder to write good poetry knowing you folks are going to read it. I welcome your suggestions and feedback...and if I get defensive...oh well...I love poetry and am excited to see myself starting to grow again.

:) Song

[tailor STATELY]

Beautiful poem.

2-typos I found 'Weilding' sb 'Wielding'; 'peircing' sb 'piercing' (unless it was your intention to mis-spell of course)

[Song of Mercy]

Thanks.

Honestly, if feels cold and impersonal. I think that practicing with different structures will lead to being able to utilize them in a more flowing fashion.

The basic structure here is tercet. Nothing fancy or miraculously brilliant. Just playing with a new form.

[dafydd manton]

Funny, that , Song. it doesn't feel cold or impersonal from where I'm sitting. I think it's a very good piece of work, with a great deal of emotion, especially in the line. Never be defensive about your work. For a start, only you know what is in your mind, and there is a great deal of of experience and encouragement here - take advantage of it. You will find out, as I did, that there are some poetic geniuses who will help you, but in the spirit it is intended. All the best with your writing.

[Song of Mercy]

Thanks Daffy, so kind...just what the day called for.

:)

[PrinceMyshkin]

It's a short statement - and such a clean one! As if, the less truth is adorned or apotheosized, the more true it is!

[Delta40]

I can actually feel you growing in the poem as the sun rises! its a lovely piece