the breathing days

[MGK]

once i woke in league with pariahs,
merciless beings who aimed to respire
all the airs of youth and wanton and fire;
enticed, samely i then aspired
to wallow in this savage mire,
without heed nor tire
i became food for the pyre.

but discovery was required of the fact
i soon fell tired of such constant proclamation,
pained by disdainful adulation
found no room for contemplation
in that limbo of frustration.

to break free from that magic
i used methodry to cause tragic
breaks in that smooth plastic,
blown and blasted gaskets
vent steaming boiling masses
into rooms once graceful,
now filled with sights most hateful
were they grateful? now the excess weight culled
and fed unto an ember, we might meet in december
but i doubt that i'll remember.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'm afraid that the rhymes, so many of them far-fetched or strained after, took away from my concentration on the content of this.

[hillwalker]

I have to agree with Prince - the rhyming has taken over, at the expense of any attempt at intelligible expression.

Perhaps you should try to write something a little less rigid. Good poetry does not always necessarily have to maintain strict metre and rhyme to be effective.