PDA

View Full Version : On a Cloud



Mortdefides
08-25-2010, 06:01 PM
Ringing air, snake-like smoke...
Whirling, whirling thoughts...
Silent lair, stupid joke...
Somewhere,
Hugged by moths,
Woven socks,
With lilac dots.

"What are you blethering 'bout?"
Slips of my friend's vulgar mouth.

He takes his beer
And walks away.
Oh my, oh dear!
Another wasted day!

Smiling faces, empty eyes...
Buzzing, buzzing flies...
Dirty places, pretty lies
And meaning, hidden behind dim disguise.
In a land of dread
and fading dreams
shall my soul unfed
on golden beams
unlike blind Phineas feast.

What am I blethering about?
Just thinking out loud,
Floating on a cloud,
Watching stars fade out...

My apologies for your wasted time, as I mention'd - just thinking out loud.

Delta40
08-25-2010, 06:10 PM
you know after reading Dafydd's Charlie One Two poem, I was really expecting another aeronautical verse. This is wonderful. being on a cloud. good.

Mortdefides
08-25-2010, 06:15 PM
Yep, if it ain't aeronautical, it ain't worth it!

lallison
08-26-2010, 09:02 AM
you have written this so that it reaches a wonderful climax. Very heartfelt, convincing and imaginative.

Mortdefides
08-26-2010, 12:15 PM
Thanks, you're right - the climax was my goal.

Song of Mercy
08-26-2010, 01:37 PM
this is really good. i like the combo of the floating cloud/buzz/bear/pub....floating/blethering/stars fading....

works for me. AND I read it to one of my kids who thinks very little of my poetry and the little imp smiled and said I like the polka dot socks.

High praise friend...from her and myself,

Nice.

Mortdefides
08-26-2010, 04:24 PM
Can't be happier! The innocent smile is a reward with no equal.