The Pain of Memory

[breathtest]

The Pain of Memory

strands of brown hair
coiled
in
pink,
wound
together.
Gently the fingertips
on
one
cheek.
Her eyelids were closed
when i kissed
her chin and neck.
Her stomach
made gentle sounds
in the dark as she
told me things

[Jerrybaldy]

Is a beautifully told memory breath and I feel I am on the edge of grasping it.

[angliholic]

Incredible!
The memory seems to come to life and speaking!
Great touch of your pen!

[Delta40]

nicely written.

[blank|verse]

The title is a bit too obvious - it tells the reader too clearly 'this is a poem about how painful my memories are', which is a shame, because the poem itself is well written, and what actually unravels is nicely detailed, and shows the reader those feelings, that pain, without bashing them over the head.

I'm no fan of words on single lines, but found this verbless sentence very effective:

Gently the fingertips
on
one
cheek.
Nice work.

[Bar22do]

It's subtle and touching, breath, I agree with B/V re the title, but love your poem immensely. And thank you. Bar

[Hawkman]

Hi bt, Love the words but not crazy about the format, so I'm with B/V there. But it is a great poem, deeply expressive in its controlled brevity. Thanks for sharing.

Best, H

[Haunted]

I didn't quite get the "pain" part, but enjoyed it nevertheless, especially the intimacy in these lines:


Her stomach
made gentle sounds
in the dark as she
told me things

[breathtest]

thanks everbody. With regards to the title i felt that was necessary because otherwise the poem is just a love poem. the 'pain' part in the title expresses that this memory is hard for me to replay in my mind. the poem itself does not express any pain at all. anyway that's why i felt it was important to portray the hurt.
thannks for the positive comments.

[lallison]

Your poem is very strong and has me wondering. I think in a forum such as this, your lines will be appreciated by all, as they should be.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Of course some of us will regret not hearing "the things" she told you, but how wise you are to keep them as your and her secret.

[breathtest]

Thank you Lallison, and Prince, i can see you understand the importance of keeping some of the more precious experiences to oneself. Thank you for reading.