Waves Of Nyx

[Jesterhead]

Whispers from the lakes
My silent lovers, the deep black waters,
The frozen hearts of the mournful sea
Come down where the embers burn.

In unknown colours they are confronted,
In glimpses of red, they reach for eternity
And fall into the unknown, where the light shines
And night exists no longer.

Symphony gets louder beneath the cold sun,
And beneath the pagan moon, where you walk away
Through endless fields, and rivers so decayed,
The waves carry your wandering frozen shape.

No light will save you, when the words of love,
Have all been spoken through lips of cold.
When the fog rises and the seasons change,
You lie silent in a veil of red leaves.

[hillwalker]

Dark and mysterious - you do a great job of creating a sombre scene, filled with oppressive images of doom and perhaps death.

[Jesterhead]

Thanks Hill. The first half is about love and the next is about betrayal.

[dafydd manton]

Powerful stuff - deep, too.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Powerful as poetry and it read like an oil painting.

[Jesterhead]

thanks dafydd and Prince.

I like the 'read like an oil painting'.

[Delta40]

it is mysterious and puts shivers up my spine. what poetic use of words

[Jesterhead]

thank you Delta, I do try to speak metaphorically in my writing and not use every day phrases and words.

[Hawkman]

Whispers from the lakes
My silent lovers, the deep black waters,
The frozen hearts of the mournful sea
Comes down where the embers burn.

In unknown colours they are confronted,
In glimpts of red, they reach for eternity
And fall into the unknown, where the light shines
And night exists no longer.

Symphony gets louder beneath the cold sun,
And beneath the pagan moon, Where you walk away
Through endless fields, and rivers so decayed,
The waves carry your wandering frozen shape.

No light will save you, when the words of love,
Have all been spoken through lips of cold.
When the fog raises and the seasons change,
You lie silent in a veil of red leaves.

Hi Jesterhead,

You have a very expressive poem here and your imagery paints vivid pictures in the reader's mind.

But there are some grammatical and spelling errors which detract a bit from the polish of the piece.

S1, L4 Comes should be come, as you refer to plural lovers, waters and hearts.

S2, L2 Typo: glimpts, you can have "a glimpse of red" or "glimpses of red".

S3, L2 Captial W in where after comma.

S4, L3 'raises' should be rises.

I prticularly like this line:

"...Where you walk away
Through endless fields, and rivers so decayed,
The waves carry your wandering frozen shape..."

Love the picture of a decayed river.

Strong poem Jesterhead and thanks for sharing. H

[Jesterhead]

thanks Hawk , I am glad you enjoyed it.

And I have fixed the corrections.