Norman

[Jerrybaldy]

He snorted air.
When he ate he snorted air.
Ok. He is screwing my mother.
In the room next door to mine.
I read about oedipus
think he was wrong.
I stole his magazines
the ones under my mothers bed.
I never looked for her image,
I looked for a teenage dream,
who's rythmic hand could be mine.
Never wanted to kill Dad either.
He was the hero who wasnt
screwing my mum next door.
Her yells meant new boy
must have been hurting her.
Lacrerating her
should I go and save her?
Burst into the room
drag his humping back
from his attack?
He had porn under her bed
that was good for me
I stole it at every opportunity
to save her
and to satisfy me.
But at breakfast
I hid behind the kellogs box
and read my comics
and when he ate his toast
he snorted,
breath through his hairy nose
and my frosties
lost their sugary sheen.
Invading my space
with his snotty snorting.
I don't want to screw my mum
I dont want to kill my Dad
But I want to hold your nose closed Norman
Until you shut the hell up
snorting .

[hillwalker]

It's late at night but I've read this 3 times so far..... and I can honestly feel I have relived every trauma you've gone through to put these thoughts into words (forgive me for assuming there is a touch of autobiograph within these lines).

It's strong stuff, Jerry, and without going into detail..... every line chimed inside my own head. Dark stuff, but better when it's out in the light.

H

[Delta40]

this reminds me of my step-father george and his late night gruntings that I listened to. I hated him as a child and desperately longed for my father to come and love my mum and rescue me. a very powerful piece and one which I'm going to keep.

this is your best work yet.

[Jerrybaldy]

Hill . Am honoured you read this three times and yes, autobiographical. And without going into detail I am pleased it chimed (that sounds bad but you know what I mean). thanks
Delta. I commented to Daffy earler about splashing yourself all over the page and think that led to this. I hope I pulled no punches and Im glad you like it so much.
jerry

[Delta40]

I like writing which is brutal and honest and doesn't cloak itself if that which it is not. It's an authentic voice, which can take a lifetime to uncover. some never do.

[PrinceMyshkin]

"Brutal and honest," to quote Delta40, and despite the rage in it, it's beautifully controlled.

[Jerrybaldy]

Delta. Thanks again. poetry can be disrobing shamelessly.
Prince. thank you. It felt uncontrolled, which probably left out melodrama.
JB

[Delta40]

you inspire me Jerry. wish I could match that force but we all have our own unique style

[Jerrybaldy]

Delta, Delta, Delta. I only borrowed the force from you.

[Delta40]

ok Darth. I won't argue with a man wielding a light sabre!

[Jerrybaldy]

You know, there is a stage at which you can be considered to be too smart :P

[Delta40]

I could have called you Jabba....:D

[Delta40]

seriously though. I'm writing my first play and while i would never dream of copying other peoples work, I have been struck by several poems which have a theme needed in my play it opens up ideas on how best I can communicate the direct message in an indirect way for the best effect. I think some of the stuff posted here are potential monologues. Either way it helps me develop a broader idea. Your poem is one of them.

[Jerrybaldy]

Ok. was awaiting a question that never arrived there :P

[Haunted]

ahh, a child's first love. Dark and innocent. Wish it weren't autobiographical, Jerry, but then everyone has a story.

[dafydd manton]

Superbly dark, Jerry. teenage confusion (I too had the magazines...), and the noises .... Well done, Mate. Excellent bit of work, and compelling.

*Damn, he's been serious.*

[lallison]

That was powerfully written, words with real weight. If respect is possible in cyberspace, I have it for you. It's often especially moving to me when a poet, such as you did here, states his or her case boldly, without adornments or milking the conceit. A moving and graceful poem.

[Hawkman]

Sorry to come late to the party Jerry, only just got back, but this is powerful stuff. Not a happy read and one feels for the young lad, as was. The reader gets to feel the full force of the resentment although it is well controlled.

good one, H

[Jerrybaldy]

Haunted - thanks. I like the childs first love quote :) As for it being autobiographical, it wasnt a trauma in my life, just a time it was interesting to recall and put on page in an honest fashion.
Daffy. Thanks mate. It was pre teen. I was an early starter on the literature :)
Lallison, thanks very much for your kind words.
Hawk. welcome back :). Me? Controlled? Are you quite sure ? ;)

[dafydd manton]

Keep clear of the Kafka, Kid!

[Jerrybaldy]

The kid grew up. But never really did. Who on earth does? what does it take to become the adult you thought you would be? When does that cloak of maturity fall over your shoulders with its wisdom in its suit lining. I keep barking at waves, running up and down that shoreline yapping at the surf. ( matron, daffy is making me overthink again, tell him matron)