Pillow Talk

[hillwalker]

PILLOW TALK

sometimes I crave just one more close-up shot…..

her body face-down on the mattress,
one last chance to probe her tarnished soles for fresh stigmata;
scrutinize her rippling spine beneath transparent skin,
her hair pulled up above the nape,
the necklace clasp,
the silken asp,
one leg snarled in the sheet that barely covers us
as I co-ordinate our geometry

I lie beneath her now
and feel the flux inside the blood
explore her lips with ink-stained fingertips
indulge the itch to listen to her talking dirty
analyse the shape her mouth employs to say the ‘c’ word…..

I listen for her breath inside my ear
the saints around her neck scrape at my chest
the tickle of confession
from that time I asked her where she learned to do those things she does…..

….. the cheap cigar man who began it all
….. the six-fingered American who broke her heart
….. the snake-tongued writer cheating on his art

then laid out on her back
her wildfire hair erupts across my pillow
as I search for signs beneath the silken knot
and pick another imprint of a crucifix
upon the freckled skin below her shoulder

other times I much prefer to lie here watching her grow colder…..

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'm not sure what to make of the several references to religion, counterpointed with the stronger erotic imagery throughout this great, great poem.

It is as physical as any of your nature poems, as specific, as earthy - and in its earthiness, there is something passionately spiritual about it.

Above all, perhaps, it cries out to be spoken and to be heard.

[Delta40]

you have written this so that it reaches a wonderful climax. I love her hair erupting across the pillow.

[Jerrybaldy]

Dark and disturbing Hill. It took me several readings but I am now seeing a maniac messing with her dead body. Having strangled her, he marks her with religious imagery. The exploration of her lips with his inky fingers and the picking of the crucifix are very strong images.

The cigar man and the six fingered American will take me a little more thought .....

Think its fantastic, Hill.
Jerry

[hillwalker]

@Delta – thank you for reading and for your kind words

@Prince – I wrote this with a number of possible interpretations in mind – but the religious theme was integral to each, right from the title itself:
Lovers ‘confessing’ their ‘sins’ in a darkened room (often the best place for such talk); the ‘ideal woman’ (virgin and whore) wearing her crucifix and St. Christopher perhaps, yet encouraged by her partner for the sake of foreplay or his demands to explore her carnal side - before that question about her sexual history - a question so many men demand answered yet dread knowing - a bit like him asking for her hand in order to be led across a minefield.

@Jerry – you saw one possible (and suggested) outcome; but she might also have survived (‘the silken asp’ more of a prop than a murder weapon). The imprint of her crucifix might then be a purely physical after-effect of her lying on top of it for some time.
And as for her other two previous lovers, they are as much a mystery to me as they would be to her inquisitor. :-)

Thank you all,

H

[Bar22do]

What I "detect" here, once I absorb the beauty of this poem, is tenderness and awe before this woman's mystery...

the last line is exquisite, it suggests how sensitive is the N's gaze on his lover as her body (and her immediate experience, whether physical love or confession or both) calms down, a landscape after storm, reaching rest and freshness...

this poem has to me a mythical dimension as if of a land of plenty where what here's divided into "sin" and "good deed" flows evenly, only aware of its intrinsic unity... (but it's perhaps only my private perception...)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Sloppily, I misread the last word in


"other times I much prefer to lie here watching her grow colder….."
as older and therefore completely missed the inference one other poster drew from it that the narrator had murdered her, although it is possible, I suppose, that "colder" signifies his knowledge or belief that her love for him is diminishing!

[dafydd manton]

Another possible interpretation - a sleazy motel room and a clapped out old "lady of the night", cheap, tawdry, long past her sell-by date, cold-hearted and asleep. I sometimes worry about my own mind. Oh, and may I say that the image is NOT from personal experience?

Either way, and having read the past comments I think I'm way off the mark, it is a very disturbing piece, and you can't help dislike the image of this woman, but be drawn inward to it. I great piece of mysterious writing.

[hillwalker]

@Bar - thank you for seeing the beauty that I tried to paint into a piece open to such conjecture.....
Yes, of course, this is a love poem of sorts (relationships do have a tendency of getting messy at times) and in this case truth and trust will either strengthen or threaten their fragile affair

@Prince - spot on with what I was aiming for with 'colder' - it could be an account of how the heat of ardour diminishes, or how the relationship cools off after secrets are laid bare, or even her body's life ebbing away..... depending on one's intepretation

And @daf - 'a disturbing piece' agreed - not an easy one to write without offending the reader or diluting the message.
But I had hoped the woman would be seen in a more sympathetic light. She was meant to be the guy's lover, doing all that he asks of her despite her qualms or convictions, and perhaps suffering emotionally or physically as a consequence of his demands for honesty and disclosure.

[dafydd manton]

Reading it again, I see what you mean. Strange, isn't it, how sometimes just misreading one meaning can change a whole perception. Suddenly, I feel desperately sad for her, almost selling herself to keep his love. Thanks for clearing it up. I like it all the more now.

[Jerrybaldy]

Hill, I misunderstood, I had the image of you picking the crucifix into her skin.

[blank|verse]

Has anyone mentioned they thought this was 'disturbing'? Ah yes, once or twice!

It's a bit like a sicker version of Browning famous dramatic monologue My Last Duchess (http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15701), although whereas Browning uses effortless rhyming couplets, I have to strain a bit to see the poetry in 'Pillow Talk'. There are some very strong, effective images but overall it is a bit prosey for my liking, hill. It might have been interesting to see if you could introduce form, which would give a bit of friction between the seeming calmness of the narrator and the story he unfolds.

Although yours is of course, all in the narrator's head (signalled by the 'sometimes' of the first line, and the 'other times' of the closing line); imagined out of boredom or frustration at not actually getting the real thing. Still, disturbing, imaginative, and disturbing. :wink5:

[hillwalker]

@daf and jerry - it's all about interpretation, and in this instance I was merely setting clues for readers to reach as many conclusions as possible.

@b|v - I agree with your criticism regarding the style as I feel this is one of my least 'poem-like' pieces - perhaps I was exercising a little late-night free-thought in imagery and legerdemain rather than form and rhyme as such.
Disturbing - most definitely - but I think Orwell once wrote that freedom of speech is not freedom "without the unconditional freedom to offend"
Although to cause offence was certainly not what I had in mind - to disturb? Yes, a little bit.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

BV
I have built a picture over time that you aren't a fan of prose in poetry. That begs the question...

[miyako73]

hill, is this about a callgirl from some third-world country? I like it. It can be in latin America or Philippines.

[hack]

It is disturbing Hill. It seems to be
an accusation, an inventory of the
violence done to women by men.
Maybe I miss the point, or maybe
I'm going all Alan Alda.

[kittypaws]

Everyone has their rage and view point of it.....such is yours...I have handcuffs. LOL! Would guess you just needed to get it out.

kittypaws

[hillwalker]

@miyako - if you want it to be... it can (but it wasn't)

@hack - ditto (the reader is given pretty much free rein to read into it what he/she wishes)
But there was no rage intended - nor criticism of the woman's role - it was brainstorming on the questions a) why do some men enjoy hearing a woman use vulgar language as part of love-making (when she obviously would never use such words normally)? - the taboo of religion and sacrilege in a way - and b) why do some men also demand to know every intimate detail about a woman's past love life (even though it could create jealousy or insecurity)? - the confessional.
What might be the outcome of a man demanding both the above of his lover.....?

@kitty - 'handcuffs'? - well I thought a silk scarf showed a little more tenderness..... but what do I know?

H

[Delta40]

I didn't sense rage. rather passion but in bed tumbles, is the gulf so wide? I mean didn't some pysho logist say that when we make love, our parents are in the room with us? now that would get me angry!

[dafydd manton]

Comment Removed. Error.

[GEETASHREE]

Undoubtedly a strong visual impact and imagery laden creation. But Mr. Hill the questions disturbingly raising their heads as I read your beautiful verse are

Why is it that a woman has to always carry the crucifix of a past burden?
And a man has to absolve her of the same ?
Do I take it for granted that men are always exonerated of the dark past by some unwritten divine verdict and have no baggage to cartwheel into the present or the future?
Why is it that the enigma of a woman intricately embedded in her "gory" past?
Isn't it a cliched symbolism?
And as soon as her past is laid bare, she is equated with a cold body and nothing else?
Or shouldn't I be asking these questions?

Otherwise, your verse reminded me of Tess of the D'urbervilles.

A strong statement which cannot be erased easily from the readers' mind.

P.S : I hope you do not mind the questions.

[Haunted]

The first and last lines struck me as morbid and threw me off twice. I expected to see a dead body on the bed but as the poem unfolds, I sensed love in a mix or gentleness and roughness and it can't possibly be death. The pace is excellent and I love all the details and how you took the time to tell it.

[hillwalker]

@Haunted - I'm glad you did not immediately see death in this poem (although that is one available interpretation) - it's about the messiness of a loving relationship, wanting truth and honesty yet dreading their outcome - the 'c' word could just as easily be 'commitment'. Thanks for your generous reading of it.

@Geetashree - I am honoured you saw elements of Hardy in this - and thank you for your detailed feedback. As already stated earlier in the thread, there are a number of possible interpretations, none of which were intended to paint the woman in a bad light.
Your questions I welcome and will try to answer -
- the crucifix can be real or metaphorical - if the latter it was meant to symbolise as much chastity as guilt
- the man was not absolving her - his demand for 'confession' of her past was to satisfy his own ends not hers (curiosity, titillation, insecurity whatever)
- men? exonerated? in Hardy's day certainly, but less so in this day and age I would hope (my poem neither judges the narrator nor lets him off lightly - that was not the issue)
- the enigma of a woman - in some instances as displayed in contemporary media man measures a woman's desirability by her outward display of purity and her secret potential for immorality (e.g. Madonna - virgin and whore) - this poem was an attempt to illustrate this in action and the fallout from such double-standards
- cliched symbolism? - only if you read it that way
- a cold body and nothing else - again, it can be read that way, but it is as much the chilling of the relationship, the cooling of the ardour, the cold left in the man's heart once his self-destructive demands for the truth were answered.

H

[lallison]

I really enjoyed reading this. I think you have a lot of multiple layered meaning interwoven between your words. My original thoughts were of bloody ruction and necrophilia. There is a a great deal of violence in much of your poetry, hill. Something you're trying to get out?

With all its intrigue, what "Pillow Talk" is missing is lyricism, I mention that mainly as I've noticed much of my own writing has the same debt and improving in that area's been my focus these days. I think a thesaurus and a mind for assonance, consonance, and alliteration could do a lot for making this into something even more stirring than it is already.

bit of critical thought there. But good work none the less.
lal

[hillwalker]

Thank you lall, you are correct in your criticism; as already pointed out to b|v I acknowledge this piece is decidedly prosaic.....

The aim was to play around with meanings and metaphor and explore where that led.
Violence? I consider myself a truly gentle soul, but with a decidedly dark and disturbing imagination (which could of course be masking psychopathic tendencies). Perhaps it's poetry as psycho-therapy. The mind boggles.

H