Resistance

[hack]

I'm a keen-eyed witness
to my wavering existence,
I don't know where I'm from,
or where I'm bound.

Somewhere in the distance,
if I offer no resistance,
I detect a slow approaching
grinding sound.

When the wheel of death comes for me,
I'll climb aboard, and freely
remove these well worn feet
from solid ground.

[hillwalker]

Great imagery here hack about accepting death gracefully, perhaps even willingly - the closing 2 lines are particularly inspired

[Bar22do]

I agree with hill re the last two lines! so fine.

the whole poem is beautiful and so apt to bring balance and harmony as if life and death were different aspect of this something we're in... continually.

Your usual, wise you!
(plus regards from Ami M. whom I told that he has an admirer in Las Vegas!) Bar

[dafydd manton]

Thanks for giving us that one, Hack. Like Hill and Bar, those last two lines struck a real chord about our mortality.

[Delta40]

your poem is very strong and has me wondering what the wheel of death looks like.

[Jerrybaldy]

Reminds me of my most favourite of songs ' road to nowhere' by talking heads. I think in a forum such as this, your lines will be appreciated by all, as they should be.
best wishes
Jerry

[hack]

Thanks for the reads, all. JB, it is a song lyric, I wrote it as
a tribute to Tranquility Bass' "I'll Be Here". Sorry I have been
absent lately. Life is crazy s***...peace...

[Haunted]

I particularly like the contrast of the rolling resistance of the grinding wheel of death, to one's lack of resistance to death. The sense of being freed is a relief to how we feel about life sometimes. Thanks Hack.

[lallison]

Hauntingly beautiful and sad! A very thoughtful piece of poetry. You inspired me, thanks for touching upon a theme that occupies my mind so often.

[Hawkman]

Very nice, hack, beautifully expressed.

Best, H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'm on board with those who praised the final 2 lines; but, maybe because I was captivated by the swing of the preceding verses, I felt short-changed that it ended as soon as it did.

[blank|verse]

An interesting piece hack, there's quite a tension between form and content. I'm with Prince in finding it a bit abrupt, I think the third stanza is a bit too direct, and would have liked a bit more.

The rhyme scheme, in which lines 1 and 2 rhyme, and lines 4 of each stanza rhyme, is well written - and each two- or three-stress line reads well - but it does lend the poem a touch too much joviality I feel; it's a bit too close to limerick. I suppose the fact you wrote it as song lyrics goes someway to explain that.

I found 'the wheel of death' a bit too heavy and obvious; something like 'the black train' might have worked better.

But you can sense the craft that has gone into this rather stark piece, hack, always good to read your stuff.