The Siren

[dafydd manton]

She stared at me over the rim of her glass.
I tried to look away
As she raised an eyebrow.
An eyebrow painted brown.

Later, I glanced across,
Feeling slightly ill at ease.
This time she winked
An eyelid painted blue.

I couldn't help but look back.
She knew it, too
And she pouted.
Lips painted red.

She knew what I knew.
She smiled a plastic smile
And tossed her pretty hair.
Hair, painted blonde.


She beckoned to me,
With a single finger,
Topped by a nail.
A talon painted scarlet.

I stayed where I was
Inside my brandy bottle.
Because inside her beat a heart
That was black.

As black as night, as black as coal
Blacker yet than even jet.
A heart that no man
Could ever paint.

[Maryd.]

Oh D, I love this one... She's as cold as ice... Ha?

[dafydd manton]

I'm only glad that either she never existed, or I was too drunk to notice!!

[Maryd.]

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

[PrinceMyshkin]

Succinct as hell - and just as vivid!

[dafydd manton]

Thanks, Prince! I have to confess, I enjoyed writing this one - in the middle of the night, as it happens!

[Hawkman]

Yes it is rather good Dafydd. Sadly though, such sirens never wink at me these days. If they did, it might at least bolster my self image to the extent that I might feel as though another human being actually thought it worth their while to fleece me. Only the government seems interested in doing it these days. :D

I only have one tiny crit. and that's the breaking of the metre by including Blood before red. I can't make up my mind whether it's justified or not. personally I think I'd cut it but it's your poem so feel free to ignore me :D in fact I've just re read it and see the need to differetiate the red of fingernails from the red of lips... tricky that. :D

Best, H

[hillwalker]

Another fine piece, Daf. I can sense it was written in the depths of night when the mind tends to take us to places we'd rather not linger.....

H

[dafydd manton]

Thanks, Hill. yes, you're right - in the middle of the night, we mentally go to places we wouldn't normally be seen dead in. (Well, not since Berlin, 1976!)

Hawk, thanks for your comment. You are as ever right, so I've changed it, but made one other changbe, possibly only temporary. I'm sure you'll spot it, so I'd appreciate your comments, please.

I love the way that those with experience will help those of us without, on this Forum. Makes it all worthwhile!

[Hawkman]

Hi daff, you're on the right track but I'd have left the lips paired with red. Talon being a two syllable word I'd match this one with scarlet or crimson. you can get away with either of these. Blood Red doesn't work because it is two separate words with a hard D consonent in each, which breaks the the rhythm.

[dafydd manton]

Thanks for your experience. Sorted! Any better?

Cheers

D

[Hawkman]

That's the ticket Good one chum!

[dafydd manton]

Cheers, mate. The cheques in the post! And congratulations on Small Arms Training. It had the hairs on the back of my neck standing up, I can tell you!

[Delta40]

we all have a little siren in us.....now where's my lipstick

[dafydd manton]

So, it was you, then!

[Jerrybaldy]

I had two thought when I read it:
My first instinct was a Lola like transexual
Then I thought that Freud should have a read of it
Finally I loved it with only a tinge of regret you didnt glimpse her hairy legs.
Nice job Daffy
Jerry

[Delta40]

So, it was you, then!

no, most women have hooters, not sirens

[dafydd manton]

You lot get worse instead of better!! When will I get taken seriously!!! (Throws tantrum.)

Truth to tell, Jerry, I hadn't thought of the Lola bit, dark brown voice or not. I worry, sometimes.....

[Delta40]

lol. don't have a mantrum Daffy. what between sirens and pre-menstrual endurance poems, I'm finding it hard to know where I fit in. Stuff it - I don't give a hoot!

[dafydd manton]

Nor do I! Can't believe how much I enjoy this Forum, the encouragement, the positive comments, the whole thing is brilliant. I never want to be taken seriously, to be honest. Silly B*****r To The Royal Household will do me, thanks!

[Haunted]

Isn't it the more you drink, the better they look? Try vodka next time.
As for the poem, colorful and intriguing!

[Jerrybaldy]

Daffy (character in 'The Beach')
You are gushing, man. Dry your eyes mate.

[dafydd manton]

It's.....it's.....it's the pollen!! It makes my eyes water. Actually, I'm dead macho.....put that Teddy Bear away - he might get hurt. (How could you be so cruel, poor innocnet Teddy, look at thos lovely soft paddy-paws, those soft, brown eyes!)

By the way, I think her name was Tracy.

[Jerrybaldy]

Dick Tracy maybe

[dafydd manton]

Oh, the opportunity for vulgar retort, which like good and righteous bunny I shall avoid!

[PrinceMyshkin]

no, most women have hooters, not sirens

Speaking of hooters, :ladysman::flare::seeya::banana::banana::banana::: :party::party::party::party::party:

[dafydd manton]

Oh, Prince - I wouldn't mind, but I damn nearly wet myself when that lot popped up on the computer. Nurse!! Quick!! The Screens!!!

Thanks for that. Must take a tablet...................

[Delta40]

I know I should not say this for fear of censorship but I can't resist it.

If women have hooters does that mean men have horns? (forgive me, forgive me, tee hee hee)

[dafydd manton]

Oh, I say, dash it all, an English Gentleman....that is...Oh Lor'.....ah...

*Exits stage left, glowing like burning anthracite*

[Delta40]

ok I will stop now...

[dafydd manton]

Oh dear, I feel I must have a cup of luke-warm, weak tea and a tasteless biscuit. And a cold bath, before I put me tweeds and me deerstalker back on. Lay out me "getting flustered" suit, Jeeves!

[Bar22do]

Troubled, curious, colourful and dark... how many have you posted since I was away! dear me! and the worse is the more I read the more I'm able to feel what's behind the tapping keys... and I prick my ears... Interesting.. Bar

[dafydd manton]

Oh dear.....that's me in trouble, then!