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Jerrybaldy
08-14-2010, 04:31 PM
We all shuffled into the grand foyer.
In from the rain, our clothes and hair steaming,
bustling together toward the elevators.
Grand old elevators with gilt and dials,
gargoyles appraising us from above.
Wet skin and cloth rubbing as we push
toward the golden backlit doors.

I recognise somebody.

The man from the seat in front of me
and then the two girls with pig tails,
who kicked the back of my seat
from the moment we took off.
Then the air stewardess, her mascara
now like black tears on her cheeks
and I remember the rain lashing the windows
and screams as the mountain swept closer.

There were two lifts and two queues.
Which one was I in?
I look for signs that one may be going up.
I notice now the frozen horror
on each and every face.
The doors in front of me open
and the steaming crowd carry me in.

dafydd manton
08-14-2010, 04:38 PM
Witty, macabre, and great fun. Got any asbestos underwear?

Jerrybaldy
08-14-2010, 05:29 PM
Thanks dafyyy. Not the last time I checked ;)

Hawkman
08-14-2010, 05:35 PM
This is the meat of a neat little short story if you cared to work it up.

Best, H

Maryd.
08-14-2010, 06:31 PM
Like it sir... Like Hawkman mentions, makes a great little story.

lallison
08-15-2010, 05:49 AM
Really nice poetry. So enjoyable to read.

hillwalker
08-15-2010, 07:12 AM
Wow, this is quite scary. The image you've managed to create of a restless crowd of fellow-passengers, not disembarking at some fancy airport after a tiresome flight but arriving somewhere much more 'terminal' is ingenious.

That 2nd long stanza in particular is brilliant in a word.

H

PrinceMyshkin
08-15-2010, 07:37 AM
"moutain" in the 2nd long stanza is surely a typo?

Otherwise this is a compelling narrative.

Jerrybaldy
08-16-2010, 05:28 PM
Hawk. Not sure their is a short story in there. Just a short poem :)
thanks H.
Mary d Still not sure... :)
lall.thank you. glad you enjoyed.
Hill. Thanks. Am surprised you picked the 2nd stanza as stand out. And pleased as that was the potential weak point.
Prince. Thanks. typo corrrected . Am pleased you found it compelling. Is near impossible to tell when writing.
thanks all
Jerry