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Sampson
08-13-2010, 10:16 AM
when giants fall the floor shakes
the sound reverberates with the weight
of the impact and the pace of the
vibratons is that of a fading heart
which once beat fast lived hard
and stood proud... can you hear
the sound of the ground shifting
as we speak? the dust settles
and i mourn for the peaceful beast
watching as it falls into eternal sleep

PrinceMyshkin
08-13-2010, 10:32 AM
I can't help but wonder if you had a particular giant or number of them in mind, but this a vividly moral poem. ("Moral" in that I assume the giant(s) is/are guilty of hubris.)

hack
08-13-2010, 10:35 AM
I like this Sampson.
Executed in your unique voice.
My only suggestion would be
that you leave out "is that"
in line 4, it seems awkward
to my ear. To keep the scan
the same, if that is your wish,
why not begin that line with
something like "limping" or "slowing".
Just a thought. Thanks...peace...

Hawkman
08-13-2010, 11:08 AM
I was thinking poached elephants, (though one needs a very big pan, just kidding)
I would perhaps replace falls in the last line with slips to avoid repeating fall/falls.

good poem Sampson.

Best, H

Bar22do
08-13-2010, 12:09 PM
Your poem brought to my mind magisterial trees like the Grandis, a sense of awe and stateliness they evoke, and the immensity of regret one feels when they are cut down for timber...