A Song

[Alexander III]

Her eyes, little galaxies;
Like tender nights when starry
Seas commence to ripple -
With shimmering sighs of gold.

In the woods, a blushing boy;
Pondering the drowning blue.

[Alexander III]

Any thoughts ?

[PrinceMyshkin]

I love the counterpoint between the two verses.

[breathtest]

Yeah, i'm the same as Prince, the way it shifts is good. I love the 'shimmering sighs of gold'.

[Hawkman]

Hi, A3 I agree with both Prince and bt and concur that "Shimmering sighs of gold" is good. "...commence to ripple", not so good though I feel. but that's just my opinion. Best, H

[Alexander III]

Thanks, I wrote this after having re-read some Rimbaud, very inspiring stuff

Hawk, I put "commence to ripple" for the musicality of the poem, I suppose the way I read it is slightly different, alas that is such an irksome problem, everyone reads with their own accent :D

[Jerrybaldy]

Its a beautiful collection of words. And I'm left wondering why the boy is blushing and I probably ought to be.
great
JB

[Buh4Bee]

lovely.

[Alexander III]

Her eyes: little galaxies;
Like tender nights when starry
Seas commence to ripple -
With shimmering sighs of gold.

In the woods, a blushing boy;
Pondering the drowning blue.
His eyes: soft, infantile -
A voyeur of naked life.



I aded two extra lines as the poem didn't feel quite complete without them, it left to much out before.

[hillwalker]

Until you added the last pair of lines I was put in mind of Narcissus, admiring his own reflection while watched over by the 'starry eyes' of another . Now I'm more confused.....

[Alexander III]

Confusion is a beautiful simple state of understanding on an unrational level

[Jerrybaldy]

Nice definition. I like the word play of the naked life causing the blushes and I have no idea what you are going on about but I am definitely understanding on an irrational level that I like it .

[Alexander III]

I think you get it Jerry :)

[Alexander III]

Final bump before it dies out