A garland of poems

[snowdrop17]

This is my first poem posted on this forum. Any ideas, suggestions, or comments are heartily welcome. :smile5:


The Tree



O tree,
Today green silky leaves adorn you,
Rustling in the balmy breeze.
Tomorrow these leaves will change color,
Will fall with the autumn wind.
Then, you will be reduced to a stump,
Denuded of your emerald garb.
Alive, yet dead.

[tailor STATELY]

I have a problem with the following:
Then, you will be reduced to a stump

Perhaps I'm making an assumption here, but unless an axeman or other calamity befalls (sic) the tree it can not be considered a 'stump' (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/stump) if merely denuded by autumn fall. If the axeman hath cometh- please disregard.

Otherwise, I find your poem a good start in the study of a deciduous tree over time.

[snowdrop17]

Thanks tailor STATELY for your suggestion. Will you please tell me with which word I should replace "stump"?

[Cunninglinguist]

I actually like the word "stump." It's at least a clever metaphor. It's also the poet's right to change definitions and find new meanings and relationships between words. I vote keep it.

[tailor STATELY]

I actually like the word "stump." It's at least a clever metaphor. It's also the poet's right to change definitions and find new meanings and relationships between words. I vote keep it.

I agree whole heartedly with the poet's right (and such and such). Wordplay is a poet's tool of trade.

As a clever metaphor though I admit to being stumped (lol).

I may be biased against the word 'stump' because one of the first poems I can recall from my childhood went:

"Andy Gump
sat on a stump
The grass grew up
and tickled his rump"

(I've heard 'Grump' for 'Gump')

So, though I find the word 'stump' a bit brutish in the context of the poem, as written,
Then, you will be reduced to a stump, I acquiesce for lack of a better word.

I might rewrite the line however (examples):

Then, diminished you would be, or
Then, will you be exposed to the elements, or
Emaciated, your wooden bones exposed, or
Now haggard, no longer hale, or
Gaunt, or
Skeletal, then, you would appear, or
Your halcyon days done for a season, or...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please forgive me the following indulgence in embellishing your fine poem:

O blessed tree.
Today, leaves of silky green adorn you,
whispering a soft susurrus
in the balmy breeze of summer.

By and by your leaves will change
and blanket the earth with gold
and amber and russet skittering jewels,
aided by the Autumn wind.

Skeletal, then, you will appear,
denuded of your emerald raiment.
Alive, yet dead.

Sincerely,
tailor STATELY

[snowdrop17]

I actually like the word "stump." It's at least a clever metaphor. It's also the poet's right to change definitions and find new meanings and relationships between words.

This is what I actually meant. Thanks Cunninglinguist.

@ tailor STATELY - Thanks a lot for taking out so much time to read my poem and to give suggestions. I appreciate your useful suggestions. Hope you will grace this thread again.

[snowdrop17]

On A Dark Night

In the valley of sleep,
In the garden of dreams,
I heard a knock
At the door of my heart.
I opened it gently
for the unknown visitor,
In came the wind
With reminiscence of your love.

[Haunted]

sweet, soft and gentle. Good start, Snowdrop!

[snowdrop17]

sweet, soft and gentle. Good start, Snowdrop!

Thanks a lot my dear. Hope you'll keep coming back to this thread. Any ideas for improvement?

[Haunted]

it's just perfect the way it is, sweetie. The persona really suits you :)