Have you lost the battle of not becoming like your family?

[SilentMute]

I think it is quite common for children, at some point in their life, to hope that they were adopted and can't possibly have inherited the same genes as their family members. Even if there is a resemblance, you hope that your parents bought you from gypsies--and you are really kidnapped princess from some faraway land.

Some children try to take inititiative--like I did. I used to shop for parents while my mom shopped for groceries. I caused her quite a bit of embarrassment going up to black men and holding up my hands and saying, "Daddy!" It was particularly bad because this was still during a time that people were not quite as open-minded about such things.

At some point, you accept that you are part of the gene pool...but you vow to resist becoming like your family.

And then comes the horrible realization at some point later in your life when you realize you are slowly losing that battle.

For me, I'm developing the mouth of my family. I try to be non-confrontational, but when I see something I don't like--well, dang it, I have to open my trap and say something. I say, "No, Jessica! You must resist the temptation! Today you want to tell off the moderator of your Spanish forum, tomorrow you might start wanting to chase people with a shotgun who cut you off in traffic like Great aunt Helen! You'll open the Herring/Gray floodgate! Resist, damn you!"

But it is getting harder. It is irresistible. I fear I'm becoming the very thing I swore I wouldn't.

:out::iamwithstupid::ciappa:

[SleepyWitch]

Good idea for a thread, silent.
I'm becoming more and more like my mother. She gets up early even when she has nothing to do because she considers it a sin to have a lie in. I used to sleep in and just hang around at the weekends, but now I've taken to getting up early and finding something to do. Also, I badger my husband to get up early on a Sunday and start out early on walks or day trips.... Well, I'm not quiet as crazy as my parents, though. They'll get up at 6 or 7 even at the weekend and holler until everyone else is up.

[Kyriakos]

I am not at all like my family. Moreover i do not think of myself in relation to them, or any other person :)

[Delta40]

I have found through experience, what we try to avoid in our parents, we reveal in other ways to our children. for example, my mother was not a person to hug or kiss or say she loved me. I changed that with my kids, but when I feel pressure, I emotionally withdraw from them and become as inapproachable as my mother was for reassurance of love. same outcome, different method.

[papayahed]

I think some traits are unavoidable. A few years back I was complaining about a friend of mine (she was doing something stupid) and a phrase flew out of my mouth that I had to stop and look around to see if my Mom was in the room. Sadly she was not and that phrase came out of my mouth. At that point I knew I was doomed.

[OrphanPip]

Sometimes I see too much of my parent's influence in me, but that's just what life is. There are things about my parents that I absolutely hate, and I hope never to emulate those behaviors.

[Lokasenna]

I'm very similar to my father, but I take that as a source of pride rather than something to fear. Having seen pictures of him when he was my age, the likeness is uncanny, and although we have different tastes (he is very much a scientist), we have similar mannerisms and our minds work in similar ways. As far as I'm concerned, if I turn out like him, I'll be satisfied.

That said, I've recently noticed that my hair is starting to thin out on top - looks like I've inherited my father's baldness. I wouldn't have minded not inheriting that particular bit of genetic baggage.

[Helga]

it is very easy to shock me, I get that from my mother. Ever since I was a kid people have told me that I just needed the beard and I would look just like my dad.... but when it comes to my personality and how I act, I am very different from them. I do imitate a few things I think where good when I was growing up and apply them to my son, but others I make sure to avoid.

[blazeofglory]

There is a very huge gap between my family members and myself and I never try to be what my elders were like and never to think the way they did and I was always confrontational or oddball for that. I had to struggle to hard to be myself and going against the ideals or molds of my parents has been taxing to me. Even now I am different from the pack that is my colleagues in the office and my neighbors or relatives who set certain standards to live by. I am never that genre. I always was an odd one out. My opinions are acquiescent and thus I suffer maladjustment in the community I live, yet I am happy since I am exclus

[MarkBastable]

At some point, you accept that you are part of the gene pool...but you vow to resist becoming like your family.


Speak for yourself. I'd say this was such an unfounded and unsupported generalisation that it rather renders pointless the entire thrust of the thread.

[SilentMute]

@SleepyWitch--thank you!:)

[dafydd manton]

Strange thing is, my sister and I are completely and utterly different, although we were very close as kids. She is money-orientated, I'm not. She cares a great deal about status, I couldn't give a monkey's. She likes to organise people, which to me is anathema. She likes to try and be trendy, I couldn't care less. She has a very "Middle Class Sitcom" sense of humour, mine is very goonish, silly. She is very stiff upper lip, I'm not, one little bit. She loves titles (Board of the Governors etc), I'd hate that. She is very motivated, I'm bone idle. She likes the status symbols - flash car, big house, yet idt doesn't bother me a bit. She's had several nervous breakdowns, I ain't. Yet, genetically, we are supposed to be the same. I'm merely grateful that we aren't - it would have given me a nervous breakdown!

[JuniperWoolf]

Andrew: My God, are we gonna be like our parents?
Claire: [teary] Not me...ever
Allison: It's unavoidable, it just happens.
Claire: What happens?
Allison: When you grow up, your heart dies.
Bender: Who cares?
Allison: ...I care.

BAM! Breakfast Club quote.

[soundofmusic]

At some point, you accept that you are part of the gene pool...but you vow to resist becoming like your family.

Speak for yourself. I'd say this was such an unfounded and unsupported generalisation that it rather renders pointless the entire thrust of the thread.

Personally, I'm a big supporter of generalizations. I tend to believe that people who want empirical data have parents who are fault-finding and unsupportive; but, that is just a generalization:icon_bs:

Years ago, when I was very thin, my mother warned me of the family fat gene; I told her it was the half gallon of ice cream they were eating at night...Oh, god, Karma:cold:

She later got dementia; now what was I about to say:out:

My dad loved to say things that tricked people into sounding stupid...particularly in front of others. I don't mean to; but I find that when I get stressed at gatherings, it comes out.

I swore I would never find fault with my childrens decisions; but I find myself trying to "make this alittle easier"

[Scheherazade]

I am not sure. Most of the time I worry that I am losing the battle to become like my family.

Both my parents have been hardworking, fairly well-educated and "good" people. I'd say they did a good job of bringing me up as well: I have a fairly good education, I don't mind working hard and I am usually a nice person. I don't have any bad habits or criminal records (well, nothing worth mentioning here, anyway :smilewinkgrin:). So, I'd be happy if I could bring up my children in a similar way.

What's more, my parents have been quite open-minded and supported most of my choices/decisions (even though they did not like them), some of which I myself question today.

Sure, like anyone else, I sometimes sigh and think, "I am turning into my mother!" They have their shortcomings too but those are mostly part of everyday practicalities. As for the mistakes they made, I don't think any were out of cruelty or mean spiritedness (most were out of excessive love and protectiveness, I'd even claim)... If possible, I would try to avoid repeating them myself, nonetheless.

All said and done, I'd be proud if I turned out to be like my parents and people spoke of me in the terms I speak of them.

[Lokasenna]

A lot of it has to do, I think, with how positive one's relationship is with one's parents. I've always had an excellent relationship with mine, which is likely why I resemble them so much in mannerism; I have never actively tried to be different.

On the other hand, my adopted brother has, thank God, in no way turned out like his biological mother; he is the complete polar opposite of her personality. Even though the genetic link is weaker (he is actually related I should point out, just not my 'actual' brother), he actually greatly resembles our father in terms of his manner and personality as well, and again I attribute that to their very positive relationship.

[Virgil]

Hmm, I share some attributes of my parents but I'm different in many other ways as well. Unless your parents are axe murderers, I don't see what would be wrong if you were like them. :wink5: Well, let's hope we pick up their positive attributes and discard their negative ones.

[ClaesGefvenberg]

Hmm, I share some attributes of my parents but I'm different in many other ways as well. Unless your parents are axe murderers, I don't see what would be wrong if you were like them. :wink5: Well, let's hope we pick up their positive attributes and discard their negative ones.
A lot of it has to do, I think, with how positive one's relationship is with one's parents. I've always had an excellent relationship with mine, which is likely why I resemble them so much in mannerism; I have never actively tried to be different.Well said both of you, and a good description of my own circumstances. Besides, you can't lose the battle you never enter.

/Claes

[SilentMute]

Well, while my family may have some good points...I really wish I hadn't developed the family mouth. It is amazing that more of the family hasn't gotten crucified, but I guess that is because society has become more civilized and doesn't do that anymore. No...we just get fired, fight with our neighbors and co-workers, and occasionally get thrown off forums--or leave forums before we get thrown off.

Don't worry, Scher...I'm not planning on anything.:angel: I'm referring to another forum I was on.

You ever just wonder how these things just get out of hand? My family has a knack for that too. I start a thread about how to kill off a fictional mother-in-law. Everybody is having fun--and then one of the people posts a picture of one of the moderators in a ball pit and says, "Throw rubber balls at her until she disappears!" Today the thread gets closed, and the moderator writes me a message saying that this is so against the guidelines she can't find the words. I decided to go find another forum--and actually, I found a better one.

But I find it worrisome. I didn't mean for anybody's feelings to get hurt, and the thread was supposed to be silly.

[Pensive]

I am often referred to as the ditto copy of my mother.
We talk in a very similar fashion, walk in a very unique manner, and most of all have the same unusual laughter. Nature-vise we are remarkably similar too. My mother has always been thought of a social spirit extremely caring towards everybody somebody who can't see anybody hurt and many people I know seem to talk the same way about me too. Most of all I failed in sciences and had to go for a career change just like her too! :p (though I wish I succeed in the new path the way she did as well :p).

I don't see why I really should have any problem with sharing all these things with her but I often get this feeling my mother wants me to be different from her. Maybe not in all ways but in some ways she surely does. She wants me to be stronger. Less 'soft' than her (because maybe she feels softness in one's nature is often taken advantage of). And of course she wants me to be more ambitious. Just like me she wasn't and she feels she could have been better off with being more ambitious with all her talents....

[Scheherazade]

The OP:

I think it is quite common for children, at some point in their life, to hope that they were adopted and can't possibly have inherited the same genes as their family members. Even if there is a resemblance, you hope that your parents bought you from gypsies--and you are really kidnapped princess from some faraway land.

Some children try to take inititiative--like I did. I used to shop for parents while my mom shopped for groceries. I caused her quite a bit of embarrassment going up to black men and holding up my hands and saying, "Daddy!" It was particularly bad because this was still during a time that people were not quite as open-minded about such things.

At some point, you accept that you are part of the gene pool...but you vow to resist becoming like your family.

And then comes the horrible realization at some point later in your life when you realize you are slowly losing that battle.

For me, I'm developing the mouth of my family. I try to be non-confrontational, but when I see something I don't like--well, dang it, I have to open my trap and say something. I say, "No, Jessica! You must resist the temptation! Today you want to tell off the moderator of your Spanish forum, tomorrow you might start wanting to chase people with a shotgun who cut you off in traffic like Great aunt Helen! You'll open the Herring/Gray floodgate! Resist, damn you!"

But it is getting harder. It is irresistible. I fear I'm becoming the very thing I swore I wouldn't.

:out::iamwithstupid::ciappa:

[SilentMute]

:toetap05::goof::ciappa:;):rolleyes5::lol::thumbsu p::aureola::angel:

[*Classic*Charm*]

I will never, ever stop fighting the battle of becoming like my father. We are very much alike in mannerisms and personality traits, but I always remain very conscious of how these traits manifest themselves in both him and I. I cannot seem to help being stubborn and opinionated, but I can control how I exhibit these things, and I make an effort every day to not exhibit them the way my father does.

[Volya]

I think I am very different to my father (and my mother) and I am glad of it. Although I think my father is a good, responsible man and I love him very much I do think we have very different attitudes towards life (or perhaps I am just in my rebellious teenager stage, who knows).

[Snowqueen]

I resemble my parents a lot but my personality traits are different from the rest of my family – an odd one out! I wish I were (a bit more sensible) like them, but it’s too late now. I guess that’s why I’ve ended up here. :D

[Calidore]

I am not sure. Most of the time I worry that I am losing the battle to become like my family.


This is where I am also.