My Dear Nigella

[angliholic]

My dear Nigella,

You're from a distant exotic place,
More mysterious than your own name.

If Helen was worth a thousand words,
Then what words are there to paint you?
Your heavenly smile is sure to humble all the fascinating flowers
Ever grown on this green land.
Your elegance, beyond all description.

When you grace my dreamland,
My sky dotted here and there with sparkling blue stars,
Sapphires scattering all over my wonderland,
My world turns into love in a misty plain,
Dripping with fanciful soothing rain.

Please be nice, Nigella.
Don't let the phone ring in the morning
When someone is still dreaming!

[adityasam]

Very Nice, A twist in the last 3 lines.


Your heavenly smile is sure to humble all the fascinating flowers

Favourite Line.

Thanks for this lovely piece.

Regards

[hillwalker]

A very sweet poem - the woman of your dreams next to you for as long as you want..... until the real world intrudes. A gentle twist at the end..... a nice touch.

My only concern would be the word 'land' appearing at the end of L1 and L2 - it reads rather clumsily making the poem stumble before getting under way.

[angliholic]

Very Nice, A twist in the last 3 lines.



Favourite Line.

Thanks for this lovely piece.

Regards
Thanks, Adi, for the nice words.

Your eyes are really sharp!

Hope to read your masterpieces soon!

Regards



A very sweet poem - the woman of your dreams next to you for as long as you want..... until the real world intrudes. A gentle twist at the end..... a nice touch.

My only concern would be the word 'land' appearing at the end of L1 and L2 - it reads rather clumsily making the poem stumble before getting under way.

Thanks, Hillwalker, for the helpful feedback.

Is there a way for me to improve the first two lines?

Regards

[Hawkman]

My dear Nigella,

You're from a distant land,
More mysterious than love in the mist.

If Helen is worth a thousand words,
Then what words are there to paint you?
Your heavenly smile is sure to humble all the fascinating flowers
Ever grown on this green land.
Your elegance, beyond all description.

When you grace my dreamland,
My sky dotted here and there with sparkling blue stars,
Sapphires scattering all over my wanderland,
My world turns into love in a misty land,
Dripping with fanciful soothing rain.

Please be nice, Nigella.
Don't let the phone ring in the morning
When someone is still dreaming!



Hi angliholic,

As hill said this is a sweet poem but he's right in that the heavy repetition of land is rather noticeable. I would change the first one in line 1 to place.

I would also suggest changeing "dreamland" to "dreamscape" in S3 L1.

S3 L3 again you have the "land" encroaching and there is a typo, it should be wonderland. I would suggest changing this word to "imagination".

S3 L4 why not say plain, instead of land?

With all the references to flowers I find your use of Helen interesting. To say, "If Helen is worth a thousand words" implies that helen is a picture, as the phrase "a picture is worth a thousand words" is the immediate association in the readers mind. I would however, suggest you change is to was, as she, assuming you are referring to Helen of Troy, is a figure from the classical past.

On the whole a pleasing concept.

Live and be well, H

[angliholic]

Hi angliholic,

As hill said this is a sweet poem but he's right in that the heavy repetition of land is rather noticeable. I would change the first one in line 1 to place.

I would also suggest changeing "dreamland" to "dreamscape" in S3 L1.

S3 L3 again you have the "land" encroaching and there is a typo, it should be wonderland. I would suggest changing this word to "imagination".

S3 L4 why not say plain, instead of land?

With all the references to flowers I find your use of Helen interesting. To say, "If Helen is worth a thousand words" implies that helen is a picture, as the phrase "a picture is worth a thousand words" is the immediate association in the readers mind. I would however, suggest you change is to was, as she, assuming you are referring to Helen of Troy, is a figure from the classical past.

On the whole a pleasing concept.

Live and be well, H

Thanks, Hawkman, for going great lengths to give me suggestions and comment.

I've reworded this scribbling according to your advice except for "dreamland" because the last three lines would be meaningless without "dreamland" mentioned before.

Regards

[hack]

As a plant person, your title brought me to
"love in a mist", one of the great common
names for any flower. Your poem scattered
those blue blossoms across a sweet dream.
Thank you for the reminder that there are
sweet dreams, I had almost forgot...peace...

[angliholic]

As a plant person, your title brought me to
"love in a mist", one of the great common
names for any flower. Your poem scattered
those blue blossoms across a sweet dream.
Thank you for the reminder that there are
sweet dreams, I had almost forgot...peace...

As a mineral person,
one needs to breathe fragrant air
and take in the beautiful scene!
It's refreshing and rejuvenating!