My Last

[miyako73]

I will go beyond the horizon,
the pristine east of Eden,
the cave of singing crickets,
the hell of flaming fireflies.

I will leave no faint traces,
no tiny hairs of my eyelids,
not even sepia photographs
of landscapes and portraits.

I will follow the footprints,
the trails of galloping goths,
the drippings of vampires
spewing sulfur breathings.

I will not ask anyone to chant
my lament against the sea
or burn an incense for my ritual
or sing my saddest lullaby.

I will feed my flesh to the flies,
throw my bones to the gluttons,
and offer my heart, my soul
to the fading sunset of the sun.

I will not cry from the bites,
from the gnaws of piranhas
digging for my scented marrows,
my veins they will never find.

I will go now with the breeze
over the hills, above the valleys
of poppies and chrysanthemums
starting to mourn for my absence.

[PrinceMyshkin]

This is very compelling although, having come to it after Hawkman's "Jasper," I was led by your faithful presentation of such strong meter to expect rhyme. Is it too late for that? I would absolutely NOT want it if it meant that you had to twist the syntax to get it.

[miyako73]

I thought of rhyming it but it would not feel spontaneous but contrived. Although I don't do drugs, the poem can be reduced to one line: "I will get high."

I've been watching a lot of Intervention series lately. I want to write about the world of a meth addict. Hence, the watching.

[miyako73]

I dreamed this poem last night. So vivid. So dark. Bumping and exposing it once more.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I dreamed this poem last night. So vivid. So dark. Bumping and exposing it once more.

Yes, it has the innate logic of a dream. I am sorry you had to bump it as it deserves many more comments than it has had.

[paradoxical]

I think this works as a allegory of addiction. Maybe add a few subtle references to give the full meaning but nothing too direct, I'd say. It's really quite good.

[miyako73]

Thanks, paradoxical. This poem is such a coincidence. It has arrived-- the words' muting. It seems the season I have always cursed and dreaded has come. Temporarily, I can't write poems. Thanks for reading, guys.

[paradoxical]

I'm having the same problem at the moment. I'm going to take some time off and just read. Might even take a break from the forum for awhile. Some of the discussion here has been getting to me and I think it's affecting my writing.

[AuntShecky]

I think you did a fine job with the meter. You made a wise choice not to include rhyme for this one, although rhyme has its place (in humorous poems especially and as prescribed in certain forms--sonnets, rondeaus, etc.)

I thought the images were a little violent, some (such as the vampire references) a little over-the-top. I didn't immediately make the connection with addiction; chalk that up to my sheltered "innocent" lifestyle. (Ahem.)

What a contrast, though, with the flowers in the last stanza.