My husband loves me?

[debbyajay]

My husband loves me
atleast that’s what he say!!
Everything to do with me
he leaves them to wait
little time with me – well
he doesnt want to obey
you gave me lover and not love
tears in my heart i pray
my mom & dad – he
avoids them everyway
dreams of happily ever after
i maynot or i may
my husband loves me
atleast that’s what he say
howfar are you going
to keep me away
your friends and phones
are kept in good array
as your wife – am i punished
by leaving to worry
if you wish, my every emotions
with me i will bury
my husband loves me
atleast that’s what he say

[Delta40]

you should post this in personal poetry. I like the constant message here amongst the confusion

[PrinceMyshkin]

Ouch! Very biting.

[Jerrybaldy]

leave him. Find yourself
JB

[Astromaxis]

Yeah Leave the Jerk. Find Yourself. Poem is VERY GRASPING.

[Noreen]

Great poem that depicts your emotions.
Life is about the choices we make! and the answer to this lies in your hands.

[YesNo]

he doesnt want to obey

I didn't understand most of this, so as a poem, the content fails to move me, but the line I quoted above makes me wonder if you obey your husband. If you are reaching for sympathy, you might want to remove that line.

[free]

Haha, excuse me for laughing, I like your poem. Don't blame him, at least, he gives you inspiration to write poetry. :wave:

[Fellsman]

Sherlock Holmes would probably deduce that English is not your mother tongue. Epsilons apart, you should avoid the multiple use of punctuation marks in one place, using two or more exclamation marks together is bad English, the same can be said for failing to capitalise the letter 'I', using 'i' makes the narrative read like the dreaded msgtxt so beloved by many mobile phone users. There are also several instances in the narrative where your space bar does not seem to work reliably, running words into each other does not help with the presentation of the poem.

As for the content, I agree with other reviewers, get rid of that deadbeat husband before he consigns you to an early grave.


Fellsman