When the razor cuts

[PrinceMyshkin]

When the razor cuts,
when the soon-to-be dead man
stares at the last of his consciousness
(What, Skinny, you still there?)
he thinks of the fretful world,
of the sink and the drain,
of all that is a ribbon of dross...

He wishes to fling a last epithet
at life, but all that he knows, now,
is blood.

[adityasam]

Pity the 'Soon-to-be dead' man.


(What, Skinny, you still there?)
he thinks of the fretful world,
of the sink and the drain,
of all that is a ribbon of dross...

Favourite Lines.

Thanks for the poem....

Regards

[hillwalker]

A very powerful piece, quite sinister and harrowing.

I love the phrase 'ribbon of dross' for all its despair

H

[angliholic]

It's a classic piece but it's quite sinister and harrowing as Hillwalker said.

I don't think I'll be able to get along well with the dark and scary side of this world, though.

[blank|verse]

Wow - where did this come from?! This:

of all that is a ribbon of dross...
is the outstanding line and image, but my editorial streak wants it to be tighter, more powerful. The phrase at start of the line 'of all that is a' is quite weak, I think. And maybe the final 'blood' would be better - less melodramatic - without the italics?

Still, a disturbingly well-realised poem, Prince.

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi Prince
wil think of you next time I wet shave. This melancholy is widespread today :) Very good.
best wishes
JB

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks Adityasam, Angliholic, Hillwalker, Jerrybaldy and

Blank|Verse: I took your advice re "blood."

[lallison]

This poem gave me the shivers. Vivid and pungent. My favorite line: (What, Skinny, you still there?)

[PrinceMyshkin]

This poem gave me the shivers. Vivid and pungent. My favorite line: (What, Skinny, you still there?)

Thanks, lallison, and the line you selected was important to me, too, though no one else has commented on it.

[Hawkman]

Outstanding and dark, My Prince. Paints a vivid picture of a moment before oblivion. The calmness of the suicide's last thoughts is hauntingly realised.

Best, h

[PrinceMyshkin]

Outstanding and dark, My Prince. Paints a vivid picture of a moment before oblivion. The calmness of the suicide's last thoughts is hauntingly realised.

Best, h

Thanks, although frankly this is one I had some doubts about after I'd posted it. I thought I might have been aiming too much for sensationalism and that I did not perhaps know my subject as well as I ought to have done.

[miyako73]

I wish I could write something like this one:

"he thinks of the fretful world,
of the sink and the drain,
of all that is a ribbon of dross..."

Just perfect.

[Hawkman]

Thanks, although frankly this is one I had some doubts about after I'd posted it. I thought I might have been aiming too much for sensationalism and that I did not perhaps know my subject as well as I ought to have done.

Well I wouldn't recommend empirical research!

Best, H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Well I wouldn't recommend empirical research!

Best, H

Not even in the interest of Art?

I long ago ruled out any consideration of suicide, in deference to my three, then young children; further, I affirmed that if I owed them a father, I owed them a happy one. Now I refer to my five grandchildren as my "bonfires against the night."

[Jerrybaldy]

Bonfires against the night. I love when people use poetry in the everyday. Think they may well remember that much more than ' The Grandkids'. Hope they know their title. Depending on age they may not know what the hell you are talking about, but nice to know , they will know will one day.

[hack]

This is good Prince. It is not desperate,
as perhaps it should be, but rather calm
and clinical. The final epithet, the derisive
"What, Skinny, you still here". Powerful
stuff, with a ring of truth to it.
It is a hard road to peace.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Jerrybaldly, Hack: thanks very much.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I wish I could write something like this one:

"he thinks of the fretful world,
of the sink and the drain,
of all that is a ribbon of dross..."

Just perfect.

Thanks, Miyako-san, but your own, delicate, often epigrammatic poems are just as good.