The Return of Goggleface

[lallison]

glimpse bangs the mutual friend
summer dry what happened?

both flippers my blob

[hillwalker]

Reading this is like watching a top-class movie, but one where the viewer actually feels part of the plot. You have that rare quality of creating the whole scene, background, narrative, dialogue and characterisation in a deceptively simple manner.

This poem exudes style and does a remarkable job not only of doing all the above, but also of making such a difficult job look effortless.

[PrinceMyshkin]

"whose" in l 2 should be 'who's" & "a oyster bar" at the end of S 4 should be 'an oyster bar', apart from which this has your characteristic brilliance in illuminating every moment of what comes to feel a momentous experience.

[Bar22do]

lall, I cannot miss and leave un-commented your extraordinary, sensitive movie-quality like poem... I love its usual "watery" flow, the clarity of your "shoots", so very fine, and the transpiring delicate feelings combined with your amazing sense of observation!
Thanks for the generosity and abundance of your lovely verse,
Bar

[lallison]

Thanks for the positive response. I always enjoy reading all of your feedback about my poems, it makes me think differently about my own work. All your comments are appreaciated.

[Hawkman]

A very entertaining read hill. You have managed to paint a vivid picture of the scene with effortless dexterity. Have you tried screenwriting?

Best, H

[lallison]

Thanks, Hawk. Even though I'm not Hill, I will accept the complement. :ladysman: I've never really considered screenwriting, probably because I don't really know anything about it. I'm a bit of a technophobe, although that's changing now that I have a Promethean board in my classroom. Ever heard of one of those? I hadn't before last week. It's basically an interactive whiteboard/computer that you can do some outstanding $hi^ on.

Anyhow, I always figured screenwriting was a lot like writing a play, dialogue heavy and light on the rest of it. I would really like to try writing a book someday, if I can manage to muster the time and the energy to overcome my habitual languor. It could be fun, though. I just love to write, it doesn't matter much the median.

i wrote this poem a while ago, but rewrote it again recently. it's not intended to be beautiful, just the opposite, actually. i was trying to delve into embarrassment, awkwardness, and perhaps even immaturity. I'm not sure if that came across, but at least I know it was descriptive and movie-like. I'm happy in hearing that. Thanks for reading.

[Hawkman]

Thanks, Hawk. Even though I'm not Hill, I will accept the complement.

OOps! Sorry about that, a case of finger trouble I'm afraid! ;)

As for the poem, yes I think the adolescent awkwardness and embarrassment comes over quite clearly. good stuff lall. H

[lallison]

Thanks, Hawk. It's nice to know the darker emotions of the poem are apparent, and hope you get that finger thing worked out.:iamwithstupid: