To a Shooting Star

[angliholic]

You're from the distant milk way,
And I live on earth.

We're not much different in a way~
nothing but a lonely traveller.

Hence,
what need is there to have known each other
before we meet on a byway?

[hillwalker]

A simple little poem with a beguiling message.

Perhaps there were too many '..way' rhymes (5 out of 6 lines ending this way - a bit much), and in particular that opening line

You're from the milk way far away

is too repetitive.

Perhaps an alternative could be

You're from the distant milky way

but we are still overwhelmed by the rhyme, leaving the message almost overlooked.

H

[angliholic]

A simple little poem with a beguiling message.

Perhaps there were too many '..way' rhymes (5 out of 6 lines ending this way - a bit much), and in particular that opening line

You're from the milk way far away

is too repetitive.

Perhaps an alternative could be

You're from the distant milky way

but we are still overwhelmed by the rhyme, leaving the message almost overlooked.

H

Thanks, Hillwalker, for the kind feedback and suggestion.

I subscribe to your comment and rewrite it as the following. Give me advice if there is room for improvements.


You're from the distant milk way,
And I live on earth.

We're not much different in a way~
nothing but a lonely traveller.

Hence,
what need is there to have known each other
before we meet on a byway?