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Beautifull
08-01-2010, 11:09 PM
As all of my poems, this comes straight from the heart. I call it, My Heart Hurts
Although different from my other poems, this seems to reach deeper into my heart than the others...

There was a time when I was spoiled,
With no troubles and toil.
I was selfish, and unthankful,
I'd always say no.
Now I remember,
...And I wonder,
how could I look at something so special,
Dismiss it, didn't treasure at all.
memories haunt me now,
hurts me like heck, I vow,
And all I can do is cry.
This pain makes me want to die...

I wonder if I am the only one who took advantage of a good thing? A good person? Something that others generally didn't have...

Jerrybaldy
08-03-2010, 10:09 AM
Hey Beautifull
There are a couple of errors maybe.
The first line should read' There was a time I was spoiled ( or spoilt).
Lines 7 and 8 change tense .
That out of the way, I enjoyed your poem and I am sure we are all guilty of taking advantage at some stage in our lifes, but hopefully when we were young enough to have less blame. Either way we shouldn't let the past haunt us. So forgive yourself :)
cheers
JB

Beautifull
08-03-2010, 11:20 AM
Hey Beautifull
There are a couple of errors maybe.
The first line should read' There was a time I was spoiled ( or spoilt).
Lines 7 and 8 change tense .
That out of the way, I enjoyed your poem and I am sure we are all guilty of taking advantage at some stage in our lifes, but hopefully when we were young enough to have less blame. Either way we shouldn't let the past haunt us. So forgive yourself :)
cheers
JB

Haha, thanks, for both the correction and the encouragement. :) Hopefully the corrected version is better?

Jerrybaldy
08-03-2010, 02:58 PM
Hi Beautifull
think you still need an 'a' before 'time' in the first line
best wishes
Jerry

Beautifull
08-03-2010, 03:24 PM
Hi Beautifull
think you still need an 'a' before 'time' in the first line
best wishes
Jerry

:lol: right! I do! I have no Idea why I didn't see that mistake!