Deadlock

[Hawkman]

Wedlock is an awful word,
It’s connotations scary;
Once state of marriage is conferred;
Escape may prove quite hairy.

The very sound is cruel and harsh
It paints a gruesome picture;
Some rusty padlock on a chain
to make free love a fixture.

An instrument of grievous pain
To bind you to a life,
You never really thought to gain
When first you took a wife.

So why would anyone who’s sane
Consent to such a fate,
It’s such a drastic step to take
To tie you to a mate.

For some perhaps, the prospect
Of regular safe sex
May sound a jolly reason
But reality may vex.

For just one slice of wedding cake
Can turn a girl quite frigid,
And no imploring from her spouse
Can breach a stance so rigid.

And then there is the nagging,
The loathing and contempt
For style, cool when courting,
Will now be judged unkempt.

There’s really no advantage,
As when the knot you tie,
There’s nothing to look forward to
Except the day you die.

And when she’s standing o’er your grave
Insurance cheque in hand,
She’ll plan to live the highlife chum
And toss the wedding band.

[dafydd manton]

You cynic! I honestly think that's one of your best ever, and that's saying something!

You need not fell so trapped, of course
Or go and buy a gun.
Solicitors enjoy divorce,
But the pistol's much more fun.

[hillwalker]

Telling it like it is, Hawk. These bitter little jibes of yours are extremely amusing as well as poetic. I particularly liked that second verse.....

Just stand by for the O+ backlash!!!

[Jerrybaldy]

Didnt realise you were married Hawk. But can see you are. I agree with Hill. Good luck with that backlash :)
JB

[dafydd manton]

Didnt realise you were married Hawk. But can see you are. I agree with Hill. Good luck with that backlash :)
JB

Interesting, that, Jerry. I thought I'd read somewhere that Hawk (don't worry, we're only talking about you as if you weren't here) is single. Did I read about being at a wedding in a professional capacity only? Unless, Hawk is a professional bigamist! :gnorsi: :rolleyes:

[Hawkman]

Hi guys, Well I was trying to come up with a witty response to Dafydd's little rhyme and when I came back I saw there was some debate rageing about my marital status! Let me assure all those nubile young ladies out there that the Hawk is indeed single and looking for an heiress.

However, I did try being married once and decided that I didn't like it, at least not on that occasion. I subsequently joined the ranks of midnight gardeners... :D

To those of you who enjoy my little satire, thanks a bunch :) I am safely barricaded against the backlash (I hope)...

[dafydd manton]

You can rely on the lads, Hawk! We'll look after you! (Until they get nasty)

[dafydd manton]

If you feel that your living in wedlock
is bad, you must counter it, quick.
The best thing, you oughta
Admit to manslaughter,
And spend a few years in the nick.

They'll feed you, and clothe you, and even
Iron your shirts, as deserved.
You get your three meals
Which probably feels
As good as the rubbish she served.

You do all your time, uncomplaining
And just try to keep your nose clean
And soon, on the whole,
They'll give you parole.
So stay single. Know what I mean?

[Hawkman]

See the midnight gardeners
Who like to turn the soil
When moonless is the darkness,
In suburbs they will toil.
Behind the fence and hedges,
They are not overlooked,
As all the blokes upon that street
Are by their labour hooked.

Their wives, who might have noticed -
Their eyes have all been closed,
They’re all wrapped up in a carpets
And on the grass repose.
The air resounds to digging
The spade blades all cut deep
And peel back the turf, so neatly
Stacked in nearby heaps.

At daybreak, tired but happy,
They’ll all get washed and shaved;
The gardens though will look pristine,
The lawns replaced and saved.
And as they all report for work
With smiles on their lips,
No word of their activities
Will ever be let slip.

[dafydd manton]

Another one rolls off the presses! I love that one as well. I really don't know how you do it, so quickly and so well. Nice one, mate.

[Hawkman]

Thanks Dafydd, I felt your rather clever and very amusing poem deserved a response in kind. Well I know it's not really a response, just an alternative strategy :D

Best, H

[dafydd manton]

I just get a bit fed up hiding in this attic. Still, the Police will never find me here. They'd never think to look up.......who's that coming up the ladder!!!! Quick!!!!! Hide me!!!!!

[Hawkman]

Let me know where to send the cake with a file in it - H

[One Gallant]

For just one slice of wedding cake
Can turn a girl quite frigid,
And no imploring from her spouse
Can breach a stance so rigid.


Thoroughly enjoyed this hawkman. With the above being a stand-out. Good one.

[Bar22do]

Don't YOU have fun! and your sleeves rolled up the rhymes uncover, careless of manners and courtesy to the "weaker" part of humanity... oh, hawk.

Greetings from Bar

[Hawkman]

One gallant, thank you sir, glad you enjoyed it. :)

Oh, Sweet Bar, Rest assured my verses are not anti-women, merely anti-marriage. Where would the world be without the gentle sex? There would be nothing to dream about or long for, as we cruel men follow the progress of lovely ladies through the world. But it is marriage that changes a love affair to a life sentence :D

Live and be well.

[Jerrybaldy]

Aaahhh Divorced. Of course. ;)
JB

[lallison]

This completely cracked me up. What a great poem. The real wit in it is how hilariously it reals the truth (at least in my observation. My experience in marriage comes from suffering through all three of mom's and then splitting to the other side of the world as quickly as I could). In any case, this is brilliant, one I plan to save and refer back to when appropriate, (as I do with my friends salt lick beside the hunting stand metaphor whenever I feel myself getting weak in the knees). A terrific social satire, Hawk, you at your best. Glad to get back and see you've still got it!

[Hawkman]

Cheers, lall, glad you enjoyed it :D

[kittypaws]

Luved the poems....made me smile and glad I never got married!

[Hawkman]

Thanks, kitty, glad you enjoyed 'em. Young, free and single, that's the way to be :D

[Jerrybaldy]

Well, you did it Hawk, barely a whiff of a backlash from the ladies of litnet. Must be that singleton charm...

[PrinceMyshkin]

when I came back I saw there was some debate rageing about my marital status! Let me assure all those nubile young ladies out there that the Hawk is indeed single and looking for an heiress.




The Hawk’s on the wing!
The women may sing,
but beware, oh, beware:
this Hawk has a sting!

[AuntShecky]

The satire in this one is deliciously wicked, much more pointed than that of Gus Kahn's "Makin' Whoopee":
"Picture a little love nest
Out where the roses cling.
Picture that same sweet love nest--
Think what a year can bring."

What a great old song that is/was!

Your piece also reminds me of the pun-filled "Marred Bliss"(yes, "marred," not "married") by Mark O'Donnell. I remember reading it decades ago in a magazine, but apparently the work's been adapted into a 10-minute play.(You can find it on "YouTube.)

Anyway, enjoy your holiday! Maybe upon your return I will have posted a "flip-side" reply to this in a separate thread.

[qimissung]

Why such a hater, Hawkman? I never suspected such a cynic lurked behind your calm facade.

[Hawkman]

qim, Me? A hater? Never! As I look about me all is sweetness and light, the buttercups and daisies pervade my soul and the very air is perfumed. My inner cynic is currently at bay and tempers my propensity toward satire and black humour.

Live and be well, H

[Bar22do]

qim, Me? A hater? Never(???)! As I look about me all is sweetness and light, the buttercups and daisies pervade my soul and the very air is perfumed. My inner cynic is currently at bay and tempers my propensity toward satire and black humour.

Live and be well, H

What is the usual time for a ship to rest at bay, :smile5:? oh Hawk.

[Hawkman]

Sweet Bar, Are you not confusing your metaphors? But seeing your preference for a nautical analogy I shall indulge it in all good faith. :D A ship might be considdered to be "At Bay" when hove to. It may also be so when in port. From my years as a seafaring man in the service of the queen I might also draw your attention to the practice of a naval ship during leave periods or in refit, of being, "Out of routine" This last, together with the reference to being in port, probably most accurately describe my current state of mind.

Make of this what you will :D

Live and be well, Hawk.

[Bar22do]

Not so, I was not confusing metaphors, just extended yours! when I read "currently at bay" a question came to mind which I shared (especially after I also read in my English dictionary "the mosquitoes will not remain at bay for very long" :smile5: - you can but agree it was worrying...! :) )

Best of all as always, Bar

[Hawkman]

Sweet Bar, I see now the source of your concern, but I was a little confused by the reference to a ship. I would seek to reassure you that I would be content to remain within the confines of my current harbour indefinately :)

Live and be well. Hawk.