Starry Sky on a Silent Night

[angliholic]

After a heavy rain,
the stars in the serene sky
shed mysterious light upon the earth.
It's so tranquil everywhere
that the black night seems cold and frightening.
All living things are hushed and asleep
under a sky of stars, shining blue
and revealing our everlasting dream.

[hillwalker]

This paints a tranquil scene indeed, but could do with a little trimming.....

this line for example,

that the black night is a bit cold and frightening

'is a bit' is not the best phrase to use here, it sounds rather feeble,

perhaps

that the black night seems cold and frightening

sounds better?

and the line

'under a sky of stars, shining blue'

repeats line 2 too closely so might benefit from a rethink.

H