Keep off the grass

[Jerrybaldy]

I wish you would get off my lawn
I know there is no sign saying you are unwelcome
But you have been there for days now
Blocking the rain and the sun
I have cared for this lawn
Nurtured it and loved it
Gave it all it needed and required
and you have bled all over it.
I wonder if the worms are inside you now
as well as under you.
Your smell overwhelms the border fragrance
You are oozing defecation
I have a variety of birds now
They fly in to peck at you
and maybe to get the flies
you are busy multiplying.
Your hair is a mess.
I never liked that blouse
but blood red improves it.
Your backside doesn't look big today
it seems to have shrunk in your baggy jeans.
But you are losing so much weight all over dear
And I wish you would get the hell
Off my lawn.

[Maryd.]

Oh Jer, I loved this. It is very similar to what I write... With a little twist of evil... I love it.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Wow! Whomever this is addressed to, I think she would get the message...subtle though it is!

[Jerrybaldy]

She wont get the message Prince, she is dead and led on my lawn ;)
BW
JB

[Jerrybaldy]

Mary d
thank you. Think this is the best I can do.
yours
Jer

[Maryd.]

Oh, I don't know about that. I am sure you have plenty of gore in that head of yours.
Hahahaha.
Mary

[kittypaws]

I am surprised the cats haven't dragged her away.
They like to eat smelly stuff!

Kittypaws

[Delta40]

you know, you're a sick bastard JB but I have to say, I really like your poetry!!!!! (hope you're not sensitive)

[Hawkman]

Your narrator sounds like a lazy sod. I would have thought that if he was so fond of his garden he would have joined the ranks of the midnight gardeners and recycled the remains. D

[tailor STATELY]

Interesting... again. (smacking hand that insists on '...')

Not to * on your parade but 'defecation' I believe was your intention;

and maybe "Your backside doesn't look big today"

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[hillwalker]

Remind me never to get you to tend my lawn - I'd rather stick to 'Feed N Weed' thanks all the same.

Made me smile btw, can't beat a bit of dark humour.

[adityasam]

Very Nice. Shows you care greatly for your lawn.

[Jerrybaldy]

Kitty- I like to think the cats are still browsing :)
Delta- sick bastard lol. is my favourite comment to date
Hawk- think he is waiting impatiently for natural recycling to occur
tailor- thanks for the typos. interesting is positive
Hill- You pushed me into sweet gracie with your suggestion that I may have a romantic streak. I do, but I think it succumbs to cliche.
ad - I have always thought that a man who takes great care of his lawn may take less care elsewhere
To all- thank you.

[Haunted]

Too funny, Jerry, I love it!

[Revolte]

That was just amazing.

[Jerrybaldy]

Haunted . thank you. nothing like a good murder to tickle the ribs :D

Revolte. thank you. an amazing response :)

[Bar22do]

murder!

???????

bar

[Jerrybaldy]

Bar :) I am thinking a man who curses at his wife's rotting corpse spoiling his lawn, may well have murdered her, though I cant speak on the mad buggers behalf :D
JB

[dafydd manton]

Have you found, a few months later, that the bit she lay on has grown a brighter green? It's usually the way, once the crows have burped their last, and left.

[Jerrybaldy]

lol dafydd. And i get the 'mad' label ?? You box of frogs :P

[dafydd manton]

Next time, may I suggest face down. Somewhere to park your bike.

[Jerrybaldy]

good thinking dafydd, but im thinking after just a few days it may be all to sloppy to hold it up

[dafydd manton]

This is a job for gaffer tape!

[One Gallant]

Good one Jerrybaldy. I always enjoy the macabre and the idea of someone complaining about a dead body messing up their lawn is very good. Cheers.

[Jerrybaldy]

Cheers One gallant. One day please tell me the origin of your picture.

[One Gallant]

The picture is of B.S Johnson holding the unbound chapters from his brilliant novel The Unfortunates.

I can't recommend him highly enough.

Here's a nice little article from 2008 that gives you a snapshot of him:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2008/apr/10/catchofthedayletshaveab