Woe Is Me!

[angliholic]

Once upon a time

there was a long lane so winding that even sunlight found it impossible to grace.

at an obscure place hid a small shop,
selling various flowers~
Aster, Bryone, and Calla Lily
to just name a few.

It was a red red rose
I chose.

It appalled me
to find a worm eating its bud!

[tailor STATELY]

Very cute.

[Bar22do]

Once upon a time

there was a long lane so winding that even sunlight found it impossible to grace.

at a obscure place hid a small shop,
selling various flowers~
Aster, Bryone, and Calla Lily
to just name a few.

It was a red red rose
I chose.

It appalled me
to find a worm eating its bud!

Woe is me!
Woe is me!


Another very Far-Eastern-haloed one... I love the metaphor of the sun abandoned winding lane as well as that of the worm which both let predict disappointment... (my two cents here are that while I'd leave the title as it is, I'd lose the two "woe is me", thus tightening the whole for a stronger effect. Titles should be given importance, IMO - but as always, pls toss it if you think and feel differently).

Thanks for this one.

Very best regards to you - Bar

(tiny typo: should be "an obscure")

[angliholic]

Very cute.

Thanks, Tailor, for your kind feedback.
I know this scribbling is a failure, for I didn't get across the sadness when a rose so gorgeous was ruined be a worm!
More often than not, there are beautiful things in life that are ruined by varmints. And that is "woe to me!"



Another very Far-Eastern-haloed one... I love the metaphor of the sun abandoned winding lane as well as that of the worm which both let predict disappointment... (my two cents here are that while I'd leave the title as it is, I'd lose the two "woe is me", thus tightening the whole for a stronger effect. Titles should be given importance, IMO - but as always, pls toss it if you think and feel differently).

Thanks for this one.

Very best regards to you - Bar

(tiny typo: should be "an obscure")


Thanks, Bar, for your most encouraging feedback.
I subscribe to your suggestion to delete the two "woe is me." They don't even sound right to my ears.

By the way, what did you mean by "another very far-eatern-haloed one" and "let predict?" I'm a bit thrown off!

[Bar22do]

Thanks, Tailor, for your kind feedback.
I know this scribbling is a failure, for I didn't get across the sadness when a rose so gorgeous was ruined be a worm!
More often than not, there are beautiful things in life that are ruined by varmints. And that is "woe to me!"



Thanks, Bar, for your most encouraging feedback.
I subscribe to your suggestion to delete the two "woe is me." They don't even sound right to my ears.

By the way, what did you mean by "another very far-eatern-haloed one" and "let predict?" I'm a bit thrown off!

Your poem works for me, Angli, it's not a failure at all!

I had in mind a certain delicate quality of approaching subjects without really making them explicit, and your way of depicting nature has to do (for me) with some wonderful Chinese drawings...
Now the subject here does come out sad. Your poem tells me that the N won't be happy in love... I'm reading "winding lane" as a complex relationship eventually light abandoned, then the red rose, the symbol of love, is bitten into by a worm... but it's quite possible I'm making this all up and the sadness for you is only connected with beauty ephemeral nature..
Be well, Bar

[angliholic]

Your poem works for me, Angli, it's not a failure at all!

I had in mind a certain delicate quality of approaching subjects without really making them explicit, and your way of depicting nature has to do (for me) with some wonderful Chinese drawings...
Now the subject here does come out sad. Your poem tells me that the N won't be happy in love... I'm reading "winding lane" as a complex relationship eventually light abandoned, then the red rose, the symbol of love, is bitten into by a worm... but it's quite possible I'm making this all up and the sadness for you is only connected with beauty ephemeral nature..
Be well, Bar



Thanks, Bar, for your encouraging feedback.


Fare thee welll,


A sam traveller on this lonely planet