Autumn Thought

[angliholic]

Autumn Thought

A withered vine
an old tree
a crow at dusk
a small bridge
a flowing brook
a cottage
an ancient road
a west wind
a lean horse
a setting sun

a spirit-broken traveler
at the far end of the lonely planet

[adityasam]

WOW, I like that type of life, except for the spirit-broken traveler. Nice poem.

[hillwalker]

Another beautiful piece.....

but that line 'a west sinking sun' sounds a bit out of place - when you read it out loud the end of the word 'west' and start of the word 'sinking' clash, causing a break in the calm mood you have created.

I would suggest something simpler like 'a setting sun' (which means the same - also less harsh-sounding than 'a sinking sun')

..... also you already have 'a west wind' 2 lines earlier


H

[angliholic]

WOW, I like that type of life, except for the spirit-broken traveler. Nice poem.
Thanks, adit, for your comment.
Why do you like that kind of life?
It's sad and sorrowful in the autumn--everything is going down, dying ... !


Another beautiful piece.....

but that line 'a west sinking sun' sounds a bit out of place - when you read it out loud the end of the word 'west' and start of the word 'sinking' clash, causing a break in the calm mood you have created.

I would suggest something simpler like 'a setting sun' (which means the same - also less harsh-sounding than 'a sinking sun')

..... also you already have 'a west wind' 2 lines earlier


H
Thanks, Hillwalker, for the advice. It's very pertinent to replace west-sinking with westering. I'll change it in no time.

But how do you feel about this piece? There is no story, not much action, but a few images. Is it counted as a complete work?

[Delta40]

I like it but you used the word flowing when the construction seems more itemised. It did invoke the brown hues of an autumn landscape however

[hillwalker]

The reader is invited to imagine the scene; to share a particular impression you have created, that is all. Why do you need there to be a story or some action? It stands well enough on its own.....

.....and I edited my earlier post as I had forgotten you used 'west' earlier in the poem so the repetition is not ideal.

H

[angliholic]

I like it but you used the word flowing when the construction seems more itemised. It did invoke the brown hues of an autumn landscape however

Thanks, Delta, for the comment.
Besides flowing, there is another setting, but they function as adjectives.
By the way, how did you feel after reading it in addition to the brown hues of an autumn landscape?


The reader is invited to imagine the scene; to share a particular impression you have created, that is all. Why do you need there to be a story or some action? It stands well enough on its own.....

.....and I edited my earlier post as I had forgotten you used 'west' earlier in the poem so the repetition is not ideal.

H

Thanks, Hill walker, again, for your precise choice of word!
I've reworded it already.
By the way, what emotions did the piece evoke from your heart?

P.S. I have to admit that this piece is an English rendition I made from a classic Chinese poem. I didn't tell you this simply because I wanted to see how you felt about a masterpiece!

[hillwalker]

Emotions? I should have to say regret at how things lose their original power to delight us.... since most of your images evoke the loss of something over time, or through leaving one place for another. But of course everyone will have their own interpretation.

H

[angliholic]

Emotions? I should have to say regret at how things lose their original power to delight us.... since most of your images evoke the loss of something over time, or through leaving one place for another. But of course everyone will have their own interpretation.

H
Thanks, Hillwalker, for your comment again.

Maybe there are some cultural differences about a poem, and maybe it's my rendition that doesn't get across the emotions like the original does.
The key image in this poem, we think, is the spirit-broken traveller. How do you feel about him?

[hillwalker]

The key image in this poem, we think, is the spirit-broken traveller. How do you feel about him?

He looks back at some particular place (the home he abandoned possibly) with regret for what was left behind, including the past itself? or it may be someone reflecting on the passage of life upon reaching their own 'autumn'.....

[angliholic]

He looks back at some particular place (the home he abandoned possibly) with regret for what was left behind, including the past itself? or it may be someone reflecting on the passage of life upon reaching their own 'autumn'.....

Thanks, Hillwalker, for the insightful perception.

I subscribe to your interpretation.

[adityasam]

You are asking a big Pessimist (joke). Because we don't experience fall in India, I like that kind of life.

[angliholic]

You are asking a big Pessimist (joke). Because we don't experience fall in India, I like that kind of life.

Thanks, adit, for the feedback.

Is India's climate like that of Israel? There are only two seasons, spring and summer?

[adityasam]

No No, We actually have autumn also, but cannot be called of autumn precisely because in the Indian autumn only leaves shed and lakes stratify. There is nothing else which you describe, a crow at dusk, an ancient road, the west wind etc. Would be glad if you post a picture of autumn which is close to the scene you described above.

[angliholic]

No No, We actually have autumn also, but cannot be called of autumn precisely because in the Indian autumn only leaves shed and lakes stratify. There is nothing else which you describe, a crow at dusk, an ancient road, the west wind etc. Would be glad if you post a picture of autumn which is close to the scene you described above.

You can see some pictures about the poem in the following links:


http://1884.img.pp.sohu.com.cn/images/focus/blog1847/18477918.jpg

http://xy.eywedu.com/Ancient/11/images/106B5.jpg

http://cls.hs.yzu.edu.tw/csp/E_Card/generalCard/pictures/poemword/paint_poemword_00059.jpg


P.S. If you want to see more images, just type the key words and search!

[Delta40]

]Thanks, Delta, for the comment.
Besides flowing, there is another setting, but they function as adjectives.
By the way, how did you feel after reading it in addition to the brown hues of an autumn landscape?



I felt it was time to close doors - real ones and metaphorical ones

[angliholic]

]By the way, how did you feel after reading it in addition to the brown hues of an autumn landscape?



I felt it was time to close doors - real ones and metaphorical ones

Thanks, Delta, for your feedback.

But your metaphorical speech threw me off completely!

How should I interpret "close doors" in your reply?