Her Ivory Tower

[Dark Muse]

Her Ivory Tower

She had locked herself
within her ivory tower,
all the dreams, desires, fears
she may have had are
lost behind her faraway eyes.

She watches the sea
tossing away pieces of herself,
perhaps to wash ashore
as broken seashells.

Perhaps she seeks the
key that will unlock the prison
built around her mind.

She has become lost somewhere,
her body a living tomb
in which she can hide from the world
and bury something of herself
deep down inside.

She no longer knows she has a heart
or what she wants,
her fingers clasp at numbness
and secretly she hopes
that maybe one day she will just blow away
into the passing wind.

[hillwalker]

I felt that this poem ended more powerfully than it began.

The first verse, as well as opening in the past tense (the rest of it is in the present) got a bit bogged down with her 'dreams, desires, fears'.

Her 'faraway eyes' though is a great image.

Then 'perhaps' is repeated in v2 and at the beginning of v3 (by which time it loses any poignancy it had in v2)

v4 is a bit wordy - but that final stanza is really effective and closes on another memorable image.

Overall, a little tweaking could change this into a really marvellous piece.....

H