Death

[Blood]

Another one of mine. I don't really like it, but people say it flows well. Tell me what ya'll think. Or don't. I don't really care.

Death

When death comes around
It comes at you without a sound

It’ll come and rip out your reason to boast
And take away the ones you love most

It’ll take away your pride
Give you that one reason to hide

It’ll come and succeed its reason for being here
And guess what? You couldn’t even hear it

It’ll hurt you, it’ll cause pain
It might even make you look at yourself in shame

It might come in a disguise, but through your eyes
it’s the same, and it causes much pain

[hillwalker]

removed

[Blood]

I think that the ideas are powerful, but this poem does not flow because of the irregular rhythm.

Well, I don't really care if it flows or not. I'm not writing to make money or anything. I write what I want, mainly for fun.



Generally I don't believe it's helpful to rewrite someone else's poetry

I have to agree there.

[hillwalker]

Another one of mine. I don't really like it, but people say it flows well. Tell me what ya'll think. Or don't. I don't really care.

My mistake - I did not read your first post thoroughly enough.

H

[Blood]

My mistake - I did not read your first post thoroughly enough.

H

Mhmm.

[Alexander III]

I like the rhythm of it, it does flow well when I read it

However the content of the poem appears rather cliche and un-aestethic

[Blood]

However the content of the poem appears rather cliche and un-aestethic

Agreed.

[Jerrybaldy]

Happy days Blood. Inevitable but many happy days away.
JB

[Blood]

Happy days Blood. Inevitable but many happy days away.
JB

Should I pretend like I understand what you mean?

[Jerrybaldy]

I was talking of death.