A Tree of Morning Glories

[angliholic]

This Morning
when going on an errand
I ran past
a tree of blue morning glories.

I regretted
not being able to stop to appreciate their charms
even for a few seconds.

I promised
I'd come back
to linger over their soothing beauty.

But in the evening
there were no morning glories.

[qimissung]

Isn't that a true reflection of life? Good poem, angliholic.

[angliholic]

Isn't that a true reflection of life? Good poem, angliholic.

Thanks, sung,
for the nice words.
But I don't have any chance
Of improving myself
If there are only nice words.

So, any advice about this scribbling?

[hillwalker]

Another fine poem - just a couple of points :

A tree of morning glories,
The most harmonious blue bells,
I ran into this morning
running[/B]' bang! head-first into the tree - perhaps 'walked past' is a safer option, or something aloong the same lines]
[I]When going on an errand.

I felt great remorse
For not being able to stop
For just a few second.
[should be 'seconds']

I promised
I'd come back
On finishing my duty,
To linger over their soothing beauty.

Only in the afternoon
There is no more morning glories.
[There are no more.....]

And the word 'duty' rhyming with 'beauty' in v3 clashes with the consistent non-rhyming elsewhere. Rhyming the final 2 lines in a verse sometimes works very effectively, especially at the very end of a poem. But here I was left thinking you had written that line just to create the rhyme.
The line itself, 'On finishing my duty', is not particularly poetic (especially compared to the rest of the piece). Personally I believe the poem would not suffer without it.

H

[Lumiere]

I have just read My Heart was a Mirror Pond, and now this; let me praise them both by saying:
I like these poems of yours.

[angliholic]

Thanks, Hillwalker, for the reasonable and helpful corrections
I really learned a lot from you!

By the way, does it sound right to write "I ran across a tree of blue morning glory?" I picked "ran ... " because I want to convey the meaning of people's being in a hurry, running here and there. Hence, no time to appreciate the beauty of nature.

[angliholic]

I have just read My Heart was a Mirror Pond, and now this; let me praise them both by saying:
I like these poems of yours.

Thanks, Lumiere, for the praise that I don't deserve.

I'm not a native speaker of English, so there are mountains and mountains obstacles I have to overcome before I can write something that flows more smoothly.

Anyway, if there is anything on my scribblings that doesn't sound right, feel free to tell me. I'm not a poet but to be here to practice my English writing!

[hack]

I might leave out "only" in the next to last line,
and also "more" in the last line. They are unnecessary.
It is good...peace...

[hillwalker]

Hi again - 'ran across' is much better because it suggests both the haste of the civilised world and the good fortune of finding something so memorable.

H

[Bar22do]

Here, Angli, is what I'd consider "mending", if I got correctly what you meant to express, please see below, and thanks for your refreshing posts! keep on! (sorry if there are repetitions, I didn't read other comments, am in a hurry)
Best regards - Bar






A tree of blue morning glories,

I ran across this morning

When going on an errand.



I felt great remorse

For not being able to stop

For just a few seconds. Be it for just a few seconds



I promised

I'd come back

To linger over their soothing beauty.



But only in the evening However in the evening

There are no more morning glories.

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi A
to lower the tone as Im fond of doing the phrase 'morning glory' can have a very different meaning here.
BW
JB

[Hawkman]

This Morning
when going on an errand
I ran accross a tree
of blue morning glories.

I regretted
not being able to stop
even for a few seconds.

I promised
I'd come back
to linger over their soothing beauty.

But in the evening
there were no more morning glories.

Hi angliholic, The above arangement sorts out the grammar and syntax for your poem.
It's a nice reflective, observational piece.

Best, h

[angliholic]

I might leave out "only" in the next to last line,
and also "more" in the last line. They are unnecessary.
It is good...peace...
Thanks, Hack,
for the most pertinent suggestions.
Your wishes are my commends.

Peace,



Hi again - 'ran across' is much better because it suggests both the haste of the civilised world and the good fortune of finding something so memorable.
I'm glad you see eye to eye;
Keep enlightening me,
And I'll keep improving.

Cheers,

H


Here, Angli, is what I'd consider "mending", if I got correctly what you meant to express, please see below, and thanks for your refreshing posts! keep on! (sorry if there are repetitions, I didn't read other comments, am in a hurry)
Best regards - Bar

Thanks, Bar, for the good-will rectification.
Yours version seems very nice and reads good!

Peace~


Hi A
to lower the tone as Im fond of doing the phrase 'morning glory' can have a very different meaning here.
BW
JB
Thanks, Jerry, for the comment
that threw me off completely.
Would you mind saying it once more
in other words?
And what can "morning glory" have a very different meaning here?

Regards,



This Morning
when going on an errand
I ran accross a tree
of blue morning glories.

I regretted
not being able to stop
even for a few seconds.

I promised
I'd come back
to linger over their soothing beauty.

But in the evening
there were no more morning glories.

Hi angliholic, The above arangement sorts out the grammar and syntax for your poem.
It's a nice reflective, observational piece.

Best, h

Thanks, Hawkman, again for going great lengths
to straighten out the grammar and syntax
of this scribbling of mine.

Yours flows more smoothly and fluently.
Yet, I have a feeling there is still room for improvement.

Regards,

[Jerrybaldy]

Ahh. Morning glory. To be polite its a male physical state that often happens for no reason I can fathom, first thing in the morning. Hope you are with me here
JB

[angliholic]

Ahh. Morning glory. To be polite its a male physical state that often happens for no reason I can fathom, first thing in the morning. Hope you are with me here
JB

Thanks, Jerry, for sharing the unique sense you have got here.

I'm never lost in their harmonious blue bells without coming across them;
This is what I feel always.

In English, you have a gorgeous name, morning glory, but in my part of the world, its name is not so charming, bufallo-pulling flower, litterally translated.
Whatever their names are, it's the same soothing pretty flower. I never love it less for its cheesy Chinese name!

[blank|verse]

Jerry - get yer mind out the gutter!! (Although the thought did also cross my mind...)

angli - I think this is my favourite of your poems; it reads almost like an extended haiku given the subject matter.

And just to add my two-penneth, I would say 'I ran past a tree' - saying you ran 'across' it sounds like you actually, um, ran across the tree! Or you could just say 'I passed a tree' - that you're on 'an errand' clearly indicates you're in a hurry.

But otherwise a wonderful evocation of love and loss.

[angliholic]

angli[/B] - I think this is my favourite of your poems; it reads almost like an extended haiku given the subject matter.

And just to add my two-penneth, I would say 'I ran past a tree' - saying you ran 'across' it sounds like you actually, um, ran across the tree! Or you could just say 'I passed a tree' - that you're on 'an errand' clearly indicates you're in a hurry.

But otherwise a wonderful evocation of love and loss.
Thanks, B/V, for your enlightening comment.
And I subscribe to your advice.

Best regards,

[Haunted]

How true of life...a very perspective piece.

[angliholic]

How true of life...a very perspective piece.

Thanks, Haunted, for the kind words.

Any advice for me so that I can improve the scribbling?

[blank|verse]

Thanks for the reply, angli. Following my previous comment, I thought I'd have a go at a haiku version of your poem - this is the best I could do!

Morning Glories haiku

Blue morning glories
sang to me: return, return.
But day stole their voice.

[angliholic]

Thanks for the reply, angli. Following my previous comment, I thought I'd have a go at a haiku version of your poem - this is the best I could do!

Morning Glories haiku

Blue morning glories
sang to me: return, return.
But day stole their voice.

Thanks, B/V, for sharing the concise and precise haiku version.

It's short but cute.

I'm not very familiar with the rules of haiku.

However, I'd also like to have a go at a haiku version in response to yours.

Blue morning glories
are best; only the fool
appreciate them at dusk.