My Heart Was a Mirror Pond

[angliholic]

When I vowed
I would be forever free
From woes of a lover,
My heart was a pond mirror.

When I see
A spring breeze blowing,
Throwing peach blossoms
Onto the still water,
My heart starts rippling.

[adityasam]

Wow, You lost me there. You have a vivid imagination and you present it in a sublime manner. Good poem from a budding poetess. Keep up the good work. I especially liked the title of the poem. I felt you could have tried to used that line as a refrain. Anyway it's a great piece.

[angliholic]

Wow, You lost me there. You have a vivid imagination and you present it in a sublime manner. Good poem from a budding poetess. Keep up the good work. I especially liked the title of the poem. I felt you could have tried to used that line as a refrain. Anyway it's a great piece.

Thanks, Adit, for the feedback.

First, I'm not a budding poetess but a cheesy he-scribbler.

Where were you lost?
I wonder!
If my scribbling throws you off,
How could you write a feedback?
It's a great skill I'd never master!

[hillwalker]

A beautiful image - and the way you almost verbally create the wind that causes the ripples by that opening line of verse 2 is very skillful.
My only suggestion would be to place the word 'free' in verse 1 at the end of line 2 raher than having it begin line 3 - allowing the phrase 'forever free' to flow more gracefully.

H

[angliholic]

A beautiful image - and the way you almost verbally create the wind that causes the ripples by that opening line of verse 2 is very skillful.
My only suggestion would be to place the word 'free' in verse 1 at the end of line 2 raher than having it begin line 3 - allowing the phrase 'forever free' to flow more gracefully.

H
Thanks, Hillwalker, for the kind feedback.

As for the word "free," it was put at the place as you'd prefer. But for the sake of rhyme, I switched it to the front of line 3. And it doesn't flow gracefully, I agree! I'm very glad that you pointed this out. I'll change it in no time!

For what it's worth, your screen photo looks so cool and adorable.
I never feel nostalgic without seeing it!

[adityasam]

I'm sorry about that poetess. Good poet. First of all, stop thinking pessimistically, I liked your work and I gave you feedback. I was lost in the image you painted with your words. In school, I too scribbled some lines that had a rhyme scheme and my friends and teacher liked it and then i thought i can write a few poems and wrote.

[Bar22do]

I love it Angli, it's very fine. Best - Bar

[angliholic]

I love it Angli, it's very fine. Best - Bar

Thanks, Bar,

for the nice encouragement.
Are there suggestions
From your part for me
So that I can improve.

There is always room for improvement.
This I believe in!

[Bar22do]

When I vowed
I would be forever free
From a lover's error,
My heart was a pond mirror.

When I see
A spring breeze blowing,
Throwing peach blossoms
Onto the still water,
My heart starts rippling.


After Hill's wise suggestion it reads a gem to me! It's rather incredible, Angli. Is it yours or is it translation? The eastern sensitivity has so much to enrich our world with... Thanks again for sharing this. I wouldn't touch it, it's lovely. Bar

[angliholic]

I was lost in the image you painted with your words.
Thanks, adit,
for the feedback again.
Do you see the images now?




After Hill's wise suggestion it reads a gem to me! It's rather incredible, Angli. Is it yours or is it translation? The eastern sensitivity has so much to enrich our world with... Thanks again for sharing this. I wouldn't touch it, it's lovely. Bar

Thanks, Bar, for your nice words.
I feel so lucky
for I picked up a gem
that nobody paid attention to before.
Indeed, this is my own stone.
If you said it's gem,
Then I treasure it!

[PrinceMyshkin]

At first, in appreciation of the lyric flow of this, I resent it for ending so soon, but than I came to love it as it is and to admire your succinctness.

[angliholic]

At first, in appreciation of the lyric flow of this, I resent it for ending so soon, but than I came to love it as it is and to admire your succinctness.

Thanks, Prince, for the encouraging comment.

I'm just a simpleton and not good at scribbling a long piece.

That's why I always stop half way.

I know you're a great poet for I've tried hard to read many of your works, but they are just over my simple head. So I dare not make any comment!
Maybe, after a while, my English is getting better, and so is my appreciation of poems. Then I can express my ideas about your poems.

Be well and have fun,

[adityasam]

Yes. Who wouldn't after hillwalker's suggestions. He helped me a lot and I have improved a lot under his guidance, hope he thinks the same.

[hack]

A serene observation
of a vow that the heart
can not keep...peace...

[angliholic]

Yes. Who wouldn't after hillwalker's suggestions. He helped me a lot and I have improved a lot under his guidance, hope he thinks the same.
I'm rejoiced
that you found them
in the long run.
But are the images
pleasant or sorrowful
or something else
To you?


A serene observation
of a vow that the heart
can not keep...peace...


Thanks, Hack,
For the keen observation.
Keep giving me feedback,
I'm sure stand to profit!