The Edge of Darkness

[Dark Muse]

The Edge of Darkness

Lungs fill with water
and the sky never appeared
so unclear before.

Breathe.....Breathe.....Breathe

Distant sounds, far away
voices, or do they live inside
your head?

Breathe.....Breathe.....Breathe

A taunt intended
to rise panic, somewhere
laughter, you know
there is no air here.

Breathe......Breathe.....Breathe

No remorse as the temptation
mounts, survival counters itself,
what choice is there but to inflate
the lungs even as it burns?

Breathe......Breathe......Breathe

Only darkness now
then the realization of dry ground
but the voices are still there
laughter echoing down the halls.

Breathe......Breathe.......Breathe

No escape, was it all
an illusion or a desperation,
even the offer of death
is stolen away at the last
moments.

And all you can do is

Breathe............

[hillwalker]

This actually managed to give me the creeps it is so realistic. You do a brilliant job of suggesting how things sound on emerging from a dream, or from underwater - that slightly surreal echo.

And the 'Breathe.... Breathe.... Breathe' lines provide effective pauses allowing the reader (and survivor) time to gather their bearings.

Then those three lines

even the offer of death
is stolen away at the last
moments

give a slightly unexpected slant to the whole drama. Another very original piece.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you!

[Alexander III]

Felt like I was drowning, repetition works well here.