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bhamtya
07-25-2010, 04:53 AM
I dedicate dis to sum1 who made my lyf worth living.....
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IT ALL STARTED........

it all started when d sun hid his face
behind d clouds of grey
and d meadows swayed with d breeze
and the shrine bells began 2 pray

i sat on d stile looking up
into d dazzling sky so blue
my thoughts travelled d depths of seas
and into d streets brand new

i waited for a click in my head
so that i cud create a rhym
bt words failed for so many days
i wasted my precious time

and now d time has cum
for me to write something
its high time i make a effort
to grow up and stretch my wings

i touch d keys n d rhyme comes
into my head all of a sudden
its like i hav lived for this moment
its for this dat i carry dis burden

i wrote a-many poems before
bt never hav i failed in first few lines
bt today its like i hav lost my touch
its for my follies i pay dese fines

d stile is bent because of my weight
d road is ignored wid a sudden thot
d natures tries to gain my attention
bt my focus isnt dis easily bought

my mind is concentrating on my work
a piece of creativity i enjoy to write
i dont care whether d world is doomed
i hav already taken a bitter bite

i m writing dis for u
maybe dis is my last one here
bt its a piece of my novelty
i hope u will store it, my dear!

blazeofglory
07-25-2010, 04:58 AM
This type of language, using shortened words made the read hard. Maybe that is an easy and newfangled style of the generation but I could read it better if that would have been written in a rather formal style.
I regret I could not read the entire poem though the few lines I have read sounded appealing

bhamtya
07-27-2010, 03:31 AM
This type of language, using shortened words made the read hard. Maybe that is an easy and newfangled style of the generation but I could read it better if that would have been written in a rather formal style.
I regret I could not read the entire poem though the few lines I have read sounded appealing

THE thing is dat i usuallly wr8 as afast as my brain works......dats why i use dis kind of short hand.....sorry for inconvenience:confused5:

Delta40
07-27-2010, 08:08 AM
I like the use of txt talk as it gives the poem a rhythm all its own. It also gives me the impression about the poet too and the changing times in which we live and how language evolves.

hack
07-27-2010, 12:21 PM
I agree with Delta.
It is like a creole
w/txt, I can see
Blaze's point that
it makes it more
difficult to read.
Don' give up on it
though Blaze, think
of it as learning a
new language.

I would change
Verse 8
Line 1

from

concentrating
to
concentratin'

to maintain the creole.
...peace...

dafydd manton
07-27-2010, 12:54 PM
I thought I'd hate it, with the text-speak style, and got a bit of a shock. It has a certain appeal, although to be honest, I can't put my finger on it.