A Bee in an Urban Jungle

[angliholic]

A bee,
buzzing and fussing in a frantic urban jungle,
I see,
caught in the hustle and bustle
seems all lost at sea.

Nostalgic
I wonder
will it feel, by magic,
for the sweet nectar
of wildflowers in a spring pasture
in the middle of green green nature?

[Bar22do]

A bee,
buzzing and fussing in a frantic urban jungle,
I see,
seems lost and all at sea.

Nostalgic
I wonder
will it feel, as if by magic,
for the sweet nectars of spring flowers
in the green green grass of nature?


Interesting, though I feel that if you chose the metaphor of the jungle, the "sea" causes confusion in the poem. In the last line, I wouldn't repeat "green", but all in all it's a pleasant read on loneliness and vulnerability of sensitive creatures cut off from their natural sustenance... Thanks be well - Bar

[angliholic]

Interesting, though I feel that if you chose the metaphor of the jungle, the "sea" causes confusion in the poem. In the last line, I wouldn't repeat "green", but all in all it's a pleasant read on loneliness and vulnerability of sensitive creatures cut off from their natural sustenance... Thanks be well - Bar


Thanks, Bar, for your nice words and advice.

But can you throw some light on not repeating "green?" I repeated it for the purpose of emphasis and cadence.

[Bar22do]

I think the word "green" has enough strength to convey the stress in this line, trust the Reader, the contrast you depict is evidently strong as well... be very well... Bar
(ah, say "green" aloud once or twice, can you hear its power?)

[billl]

I like the poem, but that line made me think you might be too young to know this song (still sometimes heard on AM radio and possibly an aunt's CD player):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5IABqwVO2U

[blazeofglory]

I like the poem and the poet seemed to have caught the imagination of us and we all in point of fact feel lost in a jungle of urbanity. I myself came from jungle to suffer in a mess of urbanity. The disfiguration of what we call beauty is manifest in the urban I live in. I like the poem for its no sophistication

[adityasam]

Actually I wanted to write a poem on a bee and a flower (for nectar), but you snatched it way and presented it very well. The plight of the bee is well described.

:party: