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Kingmaker
07-24-2010, 09:38 PM
Hi. I've been in the process of writing this particular novel for well over 4 years now, but I inevitably get frustrated and start from scratch.

What's helped me develop as a writer most was critique and analysis of my work. In addition to helping me perfect what already exists, it has inspired me to write more even when the dreaded block has otherwise stunted my creativity.

Thus, I offer roughly a third of the first chapter of something I'm writing in the hopes that after some creative input, it'll spur my mind to continue writing. You see, I'm currently 'at' the first battle of St. Albans, which is fairly climactic and interesting in its' own right. Yet somehow I can't really come up with anything.

This latest version is about 13,600 words and spans the time between Edward's birth and the 1st Battle of St. Albans, though I have a draft that extends into the Battle of Blore Heath.

You may notice that I've <s>blatantly ripoffed</s> alluded to the opening of Luo Guanzhong's Romance of the Three Kingdoms. My ultimate goal is to emulate this masterful work, and I will abide by the commonly used phrase, "Seven parts fact, three parts fiction." that Luo Guanzhong is creditted for in Romance of the Three Kingdoms.


Prologue


A kingdom, after a long period of division, will unite; and after a long period of union, will divide. Edward III had four sons of distinction; his eldest, Edward the Black Price, Lionel of Antwerp, John of Gaunt, and his youngest, Edmund of Langley.

Edward the Black Prince begot Richard, who became king Richard II after the deaths of his father and grandfather. Lionel of Antwerp begot Philippa Plantagenet. John of Gaunt begot Henry of Bolingbroke, and Edmund of Langley begot Richard of Conisburgh.

Richard II was deposed in 1399, leaving the crown to his next closest relative, his cousin Henry of Bolingbroke. Henry’s line would go uninterrupted until the days of Henry VI, the current king who had separated from Edward III by five generations.

Philippa Plantagenet begot Roger Mortimer, who begot Anne Mortimer.

Richard of Conisburgh married his first cousin (twice removed), Anne Mortimer and they had Richard Plantagenet.

In this manner, Richard Plantagenet could claim descent from royalty by virtue of both his mother and his father, and was separated from Edward III by only three generations.







Chapter One


A cool wind blows across the war-tattered shores of the French kingdom, quietly making its way over the silent battlefields and lonely plains… As the tide ebbs and flows over the northern coast, so too does the invaders’ strength wax and wane. The endless tides have once borne witness to the exodus of the Normans, and as surely as the ocean’s design, they have returned…

All that remains of the invaders’ holdings is but Calais, a port city that tethers the French and their foe of a hundred years, England.

And this wind veered northwards, bound for the island nation above. Across the channel, it blew, heading for the city of London. It swept atop the tumultuous waters and into the busy docks. It wafted lazily through the crowded slums, towards the wealthier districts. And in its final lingering gusts, the wind found itself whispering towards the palace of Westminster…

A breeze blows softly against the curtains of a dimly-lit room, its interior painted by the soft orange hue cast by nearby candles. It is elegantly adorned and maintained to a standard most stringent, one determined proper for a royal household. A royal red drapes down over the bed set in the center of the room, obscuring all from within. There is much panting and screaming, a cacophony of great anguished urgency. In time, the room goes silent, with all within staring at an elderly woman emerging from the veiled bed, her hands laden with a small and noisy bundle.

“’Tis a boy, your grace.” Spoke the royal midwife to her liege, King Henry VI.

“Nay.” Corrected the flustered Queen Margaret D’Anjou as she crawled out from her bed and pushed aside the curtains obscuring the birth. She was a beautiful dark haired woman of twenty-three years, no less magnificent for the sweat and weariness upon her soft flesh. “’Tis a prince.” She said with a smile, “A prince named Edward.”

Despite having just endured the labor of her first child, the queen spoke with clarity and grace, and her composure was without fault… And even if the maiden’s native French accent had dared to infiltrate her finely practiced speech from time to time, it was not in any unwelcome tone of elegance or exotica.

The King, nigh a decade her senior, did not look as pleased as one might expect. This would be his first born and heir, and after nearly ten years of marriage without anything to show for it. His features, once pursed and proper with royal grace, had fallen to the state of a commoner’s. His chin went oft’ unshaven, and his eyelids drooped down, his brows similarly descended. The king’s mouth was wide, and his nose curled down towards the ground, as if he was always forced to appear forlorn and dismayed by some unseen manipulator. Yet never did he fail to display a wooden crucifix upon his breast. It was a simple and pious trinket, as he was himself. He wore simple robes when he fancied, and only rarely dressed up for anything less than a public appearance. Often, he appeared as if he had just been roused from sleep, or was soon to bury himself within a warm set of sheets.

He was a relatively thin and frail man, so unlike his great father, the warrior-king Henry V. Yet where his features were lacking, Margaret’s seemed of abundance… As a man of divinely inspired abstinence, Henry did not often look upon his wife wantonly. Her features were fair and round, and those who could keep their gaze away from her considerably displayed bosom would more easily find themselves peering into the deep brown eyes of a color suiting her hair. Even now, her belly still bulging and her body still in the throes of birth, she kept her composure and in that was her magnificent grace. So willful and so assertive for a woman of these times, Margaret was but fifteen years old when she arrived from France to wed the King, and it was not long before she became an object of lust for those nobles who were so desirous of such things. These blind infatuations were dangerous indeed, yet her beauty and status as a foreigner led to the rumors of an illegitimate prince. Many were eager to see her feminine …touch removed from the politics of English men.

“I suppose I must be off to inform everyone of the good news.” Henry said to his wife as she cradled the boy in her arms, gazing upon the boy with adoration, “Edmund and Humphrey must be right well anxious to know whether all is well. And I w-” The King, for a brief moment, leaned forward to take the child from her arms, but he hesitated. “A moment more.” She demanded, smiling sweetly to Edward all the while.

Henry leaned back and his eyes drifted to the curtains, nodding as he softly replied, “As you wish.”

It was the 13th of October, 1453 AD.

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"Is that so? Pregnant you say?" A young man said as he tilted his head, much to the dismay of a painter illustrating his portrait. "Strange. The news of this birth is quite timely, wouldn't you say? -Considering that the revelation of her majesty’s pregnancy itself is about... oh, nine months late."

He was clean-shaven, with somewhat scruffy brown hair that was at least parted on his left side. This man did not betray any hint of emotion at that moment, for his round, childlike eyes remained lazily negligent to the task at hand. He dressed in finery and had around his fingers a ring, yet he was never so gaudy as to flaunt all of his wealth at once. His doublet was white and his coat was black, his pants were foreign and thin and his boots were hardy things worthy of a soldier’s appraisal. He wore a sash that was crimson and gold in it’s’ color, a pair he favored as much as he would the tint of his own flesh.

Opposite him, an older man lowered his head in contemplation. He shared the same round features, yet his were adorned by the comings of age. While they had in common a resemblance of physical appearance, the older man carried with him a different demeanor; less relaxed, yet still calm. So too does he lack his younger companion’s displays of wealth and power, yet he certainly is not one to dress modestly. He stood silent for a long time, contemplating these newly unveiled tidings from the south, far away from where the pair was staying in Middleham, the youth’s favored manor.

"I would think that our dear Queen feared for the life of her yet unborn son." The elder gentleman said at last before he drew his hazel eyes to the youth’s apathetic slouching figure.

"Bah." The younger said dismissively as he waved his hand, "And what unseen menace could bring about such an unfounded paranoia, I wonder?"

This was Richard Neville, the earl of Warwick, and his father of the same name, the earl of Salisbury. The pair was both powerful and wealthy; who through marriage profited greatly. The senior was a veteran of the Hundred Years War and in skirmishes against the Scots, and he was highly respected for his service to the nation. The younger, however, was untested, yet popular among nobleman and commoner alike, and not too well known for his ability to dispense kindness and malice in carefully measured doses. He juggled in his hands favor and hatred as any crafty prince would.

"Usurpation, perhaps." The Earl of Salisbury replied dryly.

"Still? York's quarrel was always with Somerset and Suffolk, not the crown itself.” The younger whined as he went back to his original pose for the artist’s sake, though his expression had changed to one of annoyance.

“You know he blames Somerset for our latent defeats to the French.” The elder reminded his son tentatively, “If it wasn’t for the Lancastrian King’s favoritism, Richard may not have been denied the troops and supplies he needed in that last campaign.”

“Well, since Suffolk's death, I daresay York's mellowed out a bit. The brazen old fox was lucky enough to avoid having all his lands and titles attained from him when he last took arms against the king in ‘fifty two! Now all we have to wait for is a band of peasants to string up Edmund Beaufort as well."

"You think we have chosen our friends unwisely... my son?" The elder cryptically asked, “Have you forgotten that Richard Plantagenet is related to you by marriage, and a man who graciously took us in after our quarrel with the Percies was made bloody?”

"I'll concede, I admire the man's chivalry and his altruistic ambitions, but the very important little thing to consider is that he can't have both. If he wishes for a stronger king, then he'll have to fight the current one. But to a man as worried about propriety as he is, I would wager and win that the thought alone is sickening. Always he is unwilling to follow through with his ‘rebellions’ and always he pushes his luck a little bit more than the last time."

"A fine assessment, my son." The senior remarked, warranting a sarcastic smile from the younger Neville.

"His lack of commitment is quite infuriating, -and I know what you'll say next!" The junior continued with a cocky smile and a pointed finger, as if he knew everything there was to know about anything, "It is that righteous quality which makes Richard such a fine candidate to reform the nepotism of the government. Psh, I would have thought the kingly blood in him was enough of a mandate." He added with a somewhat sour tone, "I say we ought to depose of King Harry and usher in another King Richard."

The artist painting the Earl of Warwick looked astonished, and even the steely nerves of his father were touched as such brazen words, “When did ever you become so revolutionary, my son?”

“Oh please.” The youth urged as he turned back towards the painter with an expression of displeasure as he listed off his reasoning, “What has our ‘good king’ done for the country? We, the nobles, are saddled with his responsibilities; a war that is all but lost when once we had the banner of England flying over the Seine. Debt so egregious that the royal household has found their dinner tables bare because the caterers refuse to work for promises! And worse off all, he’s married the enemy! A Frenchwoman! A French harlot whose slept with every member of the king’s retinue from duke to squire-“’

“That is enough!” The senior interjected, “There is little we can do now, so you waste your breath on curses. Like it or not, my son, this legitimate prince Edward will be here to stay.”

“So much for making Richard the heir to the throne.” The younger Neville sighed.

“Ah, Dick… but you have so much to learn.” His father said with fondness in his voice, “Do not be so eager to enter into this cutthroat world of politics, slander, and intrigue. It is rather easy to lose sight of one’s noble aspirations in such dark places. We are better off for attaching ourselves to a man whose vision is unwavering.”

“Ah, but father.” Richard said with a happy sigh, as if everything had been illuminated before him, “I had forgotten, you two are good friends.”

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“Henry…” Margaret softly murmured beside her husband as she lowered her bright brown eyes to see into his own. “What troubles you so?”

She nudged closer within the sheets and took his delicate hand in her own, coddling it gently as she spoke. It was a rare occasion for them to ever sleep together, so she would not let this unusual opportunity for intimacy to go unnoticed. Mostly Margaret would retire to bed first, and her husband would almost never even think to join her. He would be found asleep in front of the fireplace or at a reading table, his hands limply hanging over a fallen copy of whatever book he was reading at the time, though the Bible rarely had any competition in his choice of reading material. This was a man who bottled up his emotions and thoughts and put them in the deepest and darkest places so that he could forget them in a dream world of scripture or fantasy.

While it was true that Margaret did not and never could love this son of an English king… yet she could feel pity for him.

He who was mocked by his own countrymen and forced into a role he had no desire to play out. He who had enemies that at every opportunity accepted his forgiveness and his mercy. He who had apparently even angered God with nothing but prayer and service in His name… His illness had not shown itself in quite some time, and for that the Queen was glad, but this melancholy he suffered from… She had seen it once before and it heralded the coming of a most dire affliction. Whenever things would get difficult, he would simply cease to function… and it was becoming harder and harder to keep such an illness secret.

“Henry…” She begged, “The burdens of a man are not his alone to bear, that is why God had made Eve from the rib of Adam. I’m here for you if you ever need someone to talk to you.”

She cuddled up closer to him, brushing her lips against his. It took even the most desperate and shameful advances Margaret had in her employ to seduce Henry into bedding her, but she had hoped he would derive some happiness from a simple kiss, an expression of her feelings. The illusion of love at least was all she could afford him. He remained still, eyes open yet unmoving like he had already gone asleep.

“Henry…?” She shook him… then harder still. On the verge of violence, she had managed to awaken him from his stupor, “…What were you saying, my dear?”

“Let’s go to Windsor, beloved.” She pleaded, her fingers wrapped around the collar of his chemise, “You love it there…”

“As you wish.” He conceded.

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“Again?” a finely dressed elderly gentleman asked, concern in his weather-worn brown eyes, “This is awful.”

He was on the verge of balding, his hair evenly thinning to like grey straw needling forth from his scalp where once a fine auburn mane poured from. He had a small beard suffering likewise that he vainly tried to maintain, and in his demeanor was a man of fear and uncertainty. His clothing was as fine as one might expect from the Duke of Somerset, one of England’s greatest titles and most recently Edmund Beaufort’s.

“Margaret…” He said, putting his hands upon the queen’s own and leaning his head in close enough to whisper, “You know I would do anything for you. If Henry becomes… unable to protect you and Edward I would-”

“Enough!” She rebuked as she forced herself free from his grasp, “What if someone saw us, you smitten fool! There are enough rumors in London about, so be gone with yourself.”

He looked on gloomily as the beautiful Queen had swiftly left him to his own devices.

As she made her way around the corner of the Westminster palace’s extravagant halls, a short haired, bearded man had stopped her, merely by casually leaning against the wall and thumbing a coin with King Henry’s face upon it.

“Your majesty…” He softly said, “If I may take you for a moment of your time.”

“Humphrey.” She said, forcing a smile for an old friend after her unpleasant encounter with Edmund. Margaret nervously looked back, wondering if he had heard the exchange down the hall…

The man was aged and wizened, yet dignified and cool of wits. His beard was well-groomed and his dress elegant not for vanity of appearance but of a pride in maintenance. What he wore was befitting his station as one of the land’s nobles closest to the king, yet it seemed to be something he took little care in selecting.

“You know I am now and forever a servant of the crown.” He said with sympathy in his voice, “And nothing will ever diminish that steadfast loyalty to Henry …or to you, my Queen. I knew him since he was a hapless child… and I suppose I knew you since your days of teenage innocence as well.”

“What are you about, Lord Buckingham?” She said, her eyes widened in concern for whatever unpleasant subject he was about to bring up. Humphrey was never one for obscuring his thoughts when speaking to members of the royal family.

He sighed, unwilling to continue, “Is Edward…truly of King Henry’s lineage?”

Margaret recoiled back at the question and took a moment, then looked down at the floor, “Even you, Humphrey? Even you would pass such a vile judgment upon my poor soul?”

His gloved fingertips lifted up her chin as he spoke.

“… I do not presume to know for certain the nature of your deeds, my queen.” He admitted candidly, “But it is in my most sincere opinion that should Henry be unable or unwilling to produce an heir… you would be most resourceful in securing the King’s future. As the wife of a man beset by all sides from evil, you would do most anything for his sake, even something as shameful as adultery.”

She turned her head from him, genuinely hurt from his suggestions, “Keep your opinions to yourself, Humphrey.” She said before departing, leaving his hand hanging in the air to grasp at naught but the wind from a nearby open window.

“As you wish, my queen... I am now and forever a servant of the crown.” He reminded her with a bow. When she was gone from his sight, Humphrey Stafford looked down at the small coin bearing the King’s image in his hand.

He flipped it up in the air, caught it and then placed it upon his other forearm. Revealing it slowly, he leaned his head in close to survey the result most personally. “Heads. She was chaste.”

The Duke of Buckingham sighed as he put the bauble into one of his pockets, feeling rather disappointed with it all. He regrettably admitted to himself that he could never again so brazenly ask a question like that. If she found herself with a child unnaturally, Margaret would be forced to lie to him, and she was one to feel guilt with such an act, at least to an old friend like he. Yet if she was innocent, further questioning would only shame her, denigrating her confidence in the truth. Something like that spoken loud or long enough simply becomes fact, even to the one most qualified to disbelieve it.

Humphrey had never before witnessed this rarely seen vulnerability in Margaret; she was truly upset when he confessed his doubts… Whether it was the guilt of adultery or pain at the thought of his reproving judgment, he could not know for certain why she felt the way she did, only that it was not a subject she bore lightly upon her soul.

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“Alright, Captain, what have you got for me?” inquired the junior Richard Neville as he paraded across a large formation of men-at-arms arrayed before the castle in Middleham. He looked over each one as he held a green apple in his hand and occasionally took a bite from it in his inspections.

He wore a thick fur coat, though it wasn’t exactly frigid out. His neck was obscured with a crimson and gold scarf over a white embroidered tunic, and upon his hands a pair of fine black gloves.

"Roughly a hundred and fifty men answered your call, my lord.” The soldier replied as he passed a piece of paper to the earl of Warwick.

Pleasantly surprised, Richard began to look over the names on the list, “Well done, my good man!”

The earl looked about the men before him, all varied in their dress and equipment, with none so uniform in their weaponry either. Among them in the first rank, a youth that could have been no more than seventeen let his eyes wander from beneath the fine helmet he wore, and they met the lord’s.

Richard paused mid-stride, and then went back to the boy, eying him curiously. “A bit young, are you? And why would you have made your mother worry so much on my account?”

“Y-Your grace offers a generous sum to those who take up arms in his name.” He replied with trepidation in his voice as he was scrutinized, “And your lordship’s concerns are the concerns of the commoners’. If Warwick sees in York hope for the future of our dear endangered kingdom, than so do I!”

Richard raised an eyebrow and smiled at the boy, leaning back as he nodded his head. With thoughts unspoken, Richard Neville marveled at the political awareness of one so lowly birthed. Even more so, this boy, like many other commoners throughout the realm, had such an unexpected willingness to pursue their own role, however slight, in the affairs of the nobility. “Is that a French bascinet you’re wearing, my boy? Where did you get that?” He asked with a smile as he tapped the visor of the helmet the boy wore.

“Uh… Yes, my lord.” The boy replied, instinctively reaching up to the visor and helmet he was wearing. “It was my grandfather’s, won at the battle of Agincourt! My father said it belonged to a knight who drowned in the mud beneath my grandfather’s stakes.”

Richard Neville looked over it closely, turning his head to the side to inspect it from other angles, “It’s a fine piece of armor, young man, well won in combat. A little old… but it will serve you well. It’s a shame your grandfather couldn’t carry back the rest of the set.” He said with a snicker as he turned away to regard the captain.

“What’s your name, my boy?” He asked, still turned as he trapped the apple within his jaws and began to scan the paper given to him.

“John of Daventry, my lord.” The boy eagerly replied.

“Alright.” He said with the apple still between his teeth, then he turned to the captain in charge of the newly recruited batch of men-at-arms and spat out the fruit to roll along the ground away from them, “Send them home and tell them to drill, I’ll call for the soldiers when I need them.”

Some of my concerns are;

Parts that are neccesary for the plot to develop are boring. The prologue, for example, while extremely important for the story... is also extremely dry, even for my own tastes.

Richard Neville the younger. He's arguably the most influencial noble of his time... but am I giving him too much credit or making him look too good? My aim is to make EVERY character sympathetic, each one a human being with virtues and flaws. I want the reader to be unsure as to who they want to root for. It's easy to dismiss Warwick as being power-hungry, but I'm trying to balance him out.

John Tiptoft... What the heck? How do I even start? He's such a complex character and yet history reveals so little. He was politically motivated yet deeply religious. Ruthless and bloodthirsty, yet a supporter of Richard's platform for good governing. How do I combine such polarizing traits and make him believable? Outright making him crazy doesn't really make him a good character...

DickZ
07-24-2010, 11:55 PM
Hi Kingmaker,

Your writing style is quite good and your sentences flow well. You respect the language and conform to accepted standards, which lots of people in this forum fail to do. Because of this, it’s easy for me as a reader to make it through your story, which is something I can’t do for many of the postings here.

Your first four paragraphs of Chapter 1 describing the cool wind are very good. They paint exactly the picture I think you’re trying to convey, and do so very effectively. They all tie together, as you proceed very coherently from the shore and move inland, first to London and then to Westminster. Everything is linked, showing that you thought this portion through very carefully. These opening words are effective in grabbing the reader’s attention, which is what you’re trying to do.

I do see what you mean about the boring portions, though, and will try to offer some suggestions along those lines. Of course I’m not a professional critic, but then I don’t think too many of us here would fit into that category.

In my opinion, you might consider streamlining the story by eliminating the prologue, and instead introduce the characters as necessary, rather than describing an extended family tree at the outset. Many readers can’t grab the significance of so many characters right off the bat, and their eyes might start glazing over even before they make it all the way through the prologue. I’m sure they are all important and relevant at some point, but a more gradual introduction of so many characters might be more effective.

In Chapter 1, I think some of the extended descriptions of the characters’ physical features could be dropped – at least the features that really have nothing to do with the story. Some of them are probably relevant, but many are not. Does it really matter that the King’s eyelids drooped or that his eyebrows similarly descended? What impact on the story is the fact that someone had his hair parted on the left side? Maybe I’m missing something here, but I think those descriptions are an unnecessary distraction.

I’ve got a lot down here already, and could offer more, but will defer that until I learn what you think of these few suggestions.

Kingmaker
07-25-2010, 12:47 AM
Thanks alot! I appreciate it. I used to send off copies of this to my friends and they'd give me almost a line by line critique. It's become difficult now, so I find myself kind of writing to myself.

I think wind will be a reccuring symbol throughout the story. It's meant to represent the turbulence and discord under the surface of peace. Since it's such a complex and conviluted situation, I tried to show how many of the problems of the 100 years war were connected to the roses in England. Since my novel starts at Edward's birth (Michael Miller, who wrote an unpublished and yet incredibly researched book (http://www.warsoftheroses.co.uk/toc.htm) on the subject, took a full 43 chapters to reach this point.), there are a lot of things that happened before this that I sort of have to catch the reader up on.

On a related note, I have relied heavily upon Michael Miller's work... Realizing this, I've made a decided effort to seek out different sources and vantage points in order to avoid doing a simple 'cover' of his nonfiction with fictional elements.

As for the prologue. I understand completely. I can't bear to look at it sometimes. :P It is somewhat important, since it compares Henry VI and Richard Plantagenet's royal lineage.... but if there's an opportune place to insert it later on in the text, I shall.

Regarding character descriptions.. After a quick skim, the following are either shown or mentioned in the first chapter; Henry VI, Margaret Beaufort, Both Richard Nevilles, Richard Plantagent, John Tiptoft, Edmund Beaufort, Humphrey Stafford, Henry Percy, John Talbot, Black William, Thomas Clifford, John Neville... and probably some more I missed! Ick.

In any other medium, the use of musical motifs, colors or clothes, or just an actor's appearance would distinguish them from others. Yet by the end of the story, I'll have at least 100 different characters.. many of whom are called Richard.

I wanted to imprint certain features into the reader's head so that they'd recall it later whenever that character's name popped up. I don't want my reader going, "Wait? Is this Richard Plantagenet or Richard Neville the elder? Maybe it's Richard Neville the younger? Or is it Richard Plantagenet's son, Richard?"

If I could go back in time, I'd hand them a babyname dictionary.

But it is true, that while doing some research into their actual appearances, I have tried to put into words what pictures depict. It's my natural inclination to eschew description altogether when writing. I'm simply bad at it and it seems forced. It requires a bit of forcefulness to make me write about what a certain room looked like or how the battlefield was and so on.. In general, when I do write descriptions, it is usually immensely symbolic... but this time I didn't really put much symbolism in it. I took liberties making Henry VI in his private life look much more ragged and simple than he is historically noted as being at that time, (since he was a king, most people probably saw him at official functions in his best attire)

I'm considering ignoring their historical appearances altogether and getting ubersymbolic with it. :P

Kingmaker
08-01-2010, 07:48 PM
A combination of stress and writer's block is getting in the way of solid writing time, but I'm going over the first bit (shown above) with a fine-tooth comb. I've decided to describe the characters over a long period of time, so the reader may subconsciously (or consciously. :P) assign certain traits to a name.

Anyways, I'll be adjusting that first portion extensively whenever I find the time to get around to it, so in the mean time- here's the rest of Chapter 1.


The royal family’s retinue was quite extensive, comprising of the king and queen’s personal escort, The Dukes Somerset and Buckingham’s allotted guards, and a vast host of other servants and attendants who followed them as they made their way from Westminster in London to Windsor Castle. Margaret seemed ill-at-ease, hugging her infant son close to her breast to suckle upon as she looked on pale-faced beyond the carriage’s windows. In every dark shadow of the trees and beneath the surface of each brook she saw an assassin eager to leap forth and sacrifice his own life to bring about the death of her little Edward.

“Look at what I have become.” She softly said to the maid accompanying her in the carriage, who merely looked on as the Frenchwoman laid bare her breast and thoughts alike with little consideration for propriety, “When I first got married, I could think of children as no more than another duty, something I would be done with so many times that the whole affair would be rendered as ordinary as the seasons’ passing.”

“Yet not this one, this little prince of mine.” She said, looking down at him with a desperate smile, “After eight years of expecting something so usual, I find Edward’s very existence all the more magnificent for its’ rarity. He has come into this awful world to fear not only the fever or the plague, but the rebel and the sellsword.”

Edmund Beaufort meandered nearby from atop his horse, knocking on the carriage timidly so as not to disturb the queen. She pulled back the drapes and gave him a curious look. He was already at a loss for words.

“What is it, Edmund?” She asked, raising her eyebrows exquisitely.

“I… I’m afraid I cannot join you at Windsor, your grace.” He began to say, “I think I shall be going back to my estates and-“

“Edmund.” She cooed, “I need you… by the king’s side. Henry needs a familiar face beside him in these troubled times.”

He winced, and shuffled around, looking for the words. “You see… When I was campaigning in France, I was told a strange tale. Within the shadow of a castle, I would find my death. …It was foretold, your majesty.”

Margaret paused as she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, “Trust me. My people and yours’ differ on the account that they claim a proximity to God that the English would find blasphemous to assume.”

Edmund looked uneasy, and frowned as he started to nod. “Very well.”

Humphrey Stafford rode alongside the carriage dutifully on the lookout for trouble, though he was by no means as paranoid as the Queen was. His son of the same name rode up to him, “Father.”

The senior raised his eyebrows curiously before he was handed a rolled up note.

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“I have some unfortunate news, Lord Worchester-“a young man began as he produced forth a note.

“Please, call me John.” Replied another noble dressed finely in clothes from across the seas, elegant Italian garb. His hair was tied back and his eyes glinted charmingly with proper seduction. Beneath his exposed neck he wore a large metal crucifix, the body of Christ denigrated upon its surface. His companion was dressed modestly, almost as a yeoman or middle-class businessman would, in his clothes he adorned trinkets of Wales and the western marshes.

“Very well, thank you. But as I was going to say…” He said, opening the scroll and reading it aloud, “John Talbot, the Earl of Shrewsbury and preeminent commander in France is dead, slain fighting at Castillon last month.”

“Ah, really?” John Tiptoft groaned, “With Gascony taken, all we have left to press our claim to the French throne is… Calais.”

“I have more bad news, my friend.” The Welshman continued, “A certain Neville wedding was interrupted a few days ago. The whole family was there for little Tom’s marriage to Lord Cromwell’s girl when the Lord Egremont came about with nigh a thousand men from the moors.”

“Oh?” John replied, leaning in with interest at the gossip.

“I suppose he was none too pleased with Cromwell’s traditionally Percy-owned property being handed over to his most hated enemy.” The earl’s guest continued, “-And according to Salisbury, they frightened him off with nary a scratch upon the Neville body. I guess he didn’t expect the whole damn clan to be there- Hell, Warwick alone flaunts enough of a personal guard to launch his own campaign to the holy land.”

“Haha, then maybe he’d be useful for a change.” John Tiptoft replied, “Ah, but before I forget… I’ve been meaning to ask, why do they call you Black William?”

William’s faced turned to one of surprise for a moment, then it faded away into a smile, “Not many people are too fond of me, being a Welshman knighted as a Briton would. I doubt they are too happy about these rumors abuzz that I aspire to an English title as well.”

“Hm.” John replied, “Is there any credence to these rumors?”

“I would be lying if I said it did not strike me as prospect.” Black William replied, “But who could blame me for trying to become one among the peerage?”

“Alright, alright, enough of that. I’ll take you to see Richard someday; you don’t have to flatter me.” John said, narrowing his eyes as he smiled, “Why have you become so insistent on it, anyways?”

“Well, I fought under Edmund Beaufort in France for awhile. And… Somerset was a good soldier once… but I don’t know what has happened to him. He’s an alright person, really… but I can see what he’s doing to this realm and it isn’t for the better of anyone, not even himself. If York’s going to try and reform the government, I figure I’ll throw my lot in with him.”

John Tiptoft lowered his brow, “Or…?”

William raised an eyebrow curiously.

“Or you think that by allying yourself with the face of revolution,” John explained, pantomiming extravagantly, “The deposed titles and lands of his enemies would fall to the faithful followers of a new king. That by supporting such a radical change, the lowly welsh knight may ascend to nobility.”

His guest looked away for a moment as he tilted his neck to collect his thoughts.

“I never said I judged you for it, William.” John replied, “Besides, I find this land too pitifully xenophobic for my tastes. The spread of foreign peoples into societies bring with them the advent of great ideas in culture and art. You Welsh gave us the longbow, for instance. See what is happening in Italy; such magnificent works in mediums of paint and stone alike. That sort of spiritual rebirth doesn’t come from being sequestered off from the rest of the world.”

“Ah, I see that I’ve found much fortune in our chance meetings, John.” William said with a smile.

“Indeed.” He merely replied, “But you weren’t likely to find much help in the likes of Warwick or Salisbury anyway, and they may be closer to Richard Plantagenet than even I.”

“You… really don’t like very them much, do you?” he asked with a bit of a laugh.

“Not at all, but only because of their own malice. Richard Neville has been nothing but contemptuous since his daughter died. I suppose he blames me for my wife’s death.” The earl of Worcester said with a bit of a sour tone.

“Ah, I wasn’t sure if-“

“It’s fine.” John cut him off, “She is in God’s kingdom now, and I have since been blessed enough to remarry.”

“I…see.” William replied, ill at ease but forcing a polite smile for his benefactor.

“It’s Sunday, William.” The earl of Worcester said sternly, “You’ll not leave before mass, I presume?”

Without waiting a response, John Tiptoft got up from his seat and left the room to attend the services. Black William hesitated for a moment, then got up and followed his benefactor.

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“Your majesty…” cooed the Earl of Northumberland, “I come here today to petition for an act of justice against the earls of Salisbury and Warwick, two alike in villainy and name, Richard Nevilles both!”

“They hurl such vicious lies upon my name whilst profaning their own honor with brutish acts of violence! See how they move about a ‘wedding procession’ with an entire army at its heels! And see how they used that same army to attempt murder upon my own flesh and blood, the lord Egremont!”

“Make peace… Make peace.” King Henry absent-mindedly whispered from atop his throne in Windsor castle, already beset by the problems of the state in this supposed retreat.

Humphrey Stafford turns to his liege, concern etched deeply upon his features. “Your grace, perhaps it is time for you to retire…” he offers, “I will deal with… this.”
The Duke of Buckingham, very slowly, gave the Percy scion a reproachful glare as the King meekly smiled, as if to falsely display some happiness at the prospect. Henry felt his way past the old friend and dragged his feet along the floor to make his way out of the room.

“Get out.” The duke commanded from behind his teeth, his emotions all too evident to the world when Henry was gone.

Henry fell into his bed, burrowing his face in the fine sheets. Margaret, having her hair done by her servants, sat paralyzed by his advent. She waved the women off like bothersome flies and sat beside him. “Beloved, what is wrong?” The queen softly asked, taking his fingers in her own strong grip.

He was silent, and she leaned in closer, “Please tell me. It has always been my duty, as your wife… to have an ear to listen, arms to embrace, lips to comfort-“

“Why are they doing this?” Henry at last said, unmoving, “Why are my own subjects so content to fight amongst themselves? Why do they still insist on waging such a bloody war in foreign lands? …And why do they hate me and everything I want for this place?”

“They don’t hate you.” Margaret said at once, though she was not too confident in her answer. The English monarch may not have shared the absolute power wielded by the French King, being bound to such bizarre things like Parliament and even the House of Commons to exert his well… but still, it was a position that everyone had known as fact to be anointed by God himself and blessed in that regard. Hate may have been too strong a word, but the crown itself warranted more respect and awe than the person could ever hope to instill.

“I wish I was born to squalor.” He said, pulling the useless piece of gold off from his head. Margaret looked away, for once in her life, at a loss of words with which to influence a man. She had to agree, considering how much happier her simple husband may have been if he was free to become a recluse monk at his own leisure, living wholly in contemplation and scripture…

Margaret lay down atop of him, pressing her form upon his own before she pulled him on his side with her chest still yet on his back. “Do not worry, my husband.” She soothed, “I will rid you of your worries.”

‘…Your enemies.’ She thought.

The very notion that Richard Plantagenet still lived would assault her every sense for as long as it remained so. He was the son of a traitor attainted, forgiven for his father’s treachery by mercy alone… And just a year before little Edward’s birth, he too had rebelled against his king. With such little popular support, it was over before it had ever started. Yet still Henry had shown him great mercy in the simple form of a reprimand and nothing else. What was this man’s supposed charm and virtue, she had to wonder, why was everyone blind to the threat this blatant enemy of the royalty continuingly and unabashedly posed?

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“Are you alright?” Edmund Beaufort asked with concern as he leaned in close to observe Henry sitting completely still and unresponsive at the dinner table. “Your majesty...” He pleaded again, his brows raised in dismay as he frowned. Margaret, sitting on the other side of the king, jolted her head to her left, staring at her husband with great shock.

Humphrey Stafford got up immediately from his seat, not too far from the trio, “Everyone!? Please. I’m afraid I cannot hide it any longer, if you would all please go to the main hall… I, I want you all to see something. Please feel free to bring your food with you.”

The other guests, nobles all from stations low and high, shrugged and got up from their seats. The royal servants hastily went forth to collect all the plates and silverware not carried off by the guests as Margaret and Edmund hastily roused the stupefied king up to his feet. A clumsy servant carried one too many plates for a single man to handle and dropped one upon the floor, shattering it violently.

Henry shook forth from his wife and advisor, wailing about with great frenzy as he cried out and shouted for all to hear. With words unintelligible, the king threw himself upon the floor and batted away all attempts to take hold of him with the flailing of his arms. Humphrey slammed the door shut after shoving out the remaining dinner guests.

Much time had passed before the King’s frenzy had abated, and all within had little to say as Henry was carried to his bed by a stout servant, with Edmund and Margaret hastily in pursuit.

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“Just like his grandfather, Charles VI.” Richard Neville of Salisbury mused, “He too suffers from such an affliction of the mind, it seems. It’s no wonder, then… King Henry’s been manipulated from his birth.”

“Nobody is manipulated unless they allow themselves to be.” The junior chimed in with an odd and gleeful derision, “He’s a king, and many a boy prince turned adult king has had their most possessive retainers exiled or killed. Not this one, this pious monk in a crown… He’s long ago absolved himself of responsibility.”

The second eldest Neville son, John, rubbed his brow in contemplation.

“Oh, just be out with it, Dick.” He pleaded to the earl of Warwick, “I can tell you’re just itching to say something.”

“Very well, brother. I shall oblige.” The young Richard Neville replied as he closed his eyes and smiled, “This is good news for us. No self-respecting Englishman is going to allow himself to be ruled by a woman, and a French woman at that!”

“So you wish Parliament to assemble… and appoint a protector, a regent stand-in for the King?” The father interrupted, lowering his brow at his son’s plotting.

“Richard, Duke of York.” The younger concluded with a wry smile.

John looked up at his brother, pleasantly amused by his ambitious cunning.

“You forget we are… a bit in the minority, my son.” The father reminded, “If this… plan of yours is to come to fruition, we must turn the nobles in our favor, or get rid of those who won’t abide our success.”

“I have already thought of that, father.” Richard said with a smile and an upraised finger, “You don’t suppose Percy will be so quick to leave his estates in Northumberland should there be some… threat manifested against them, eh? Paranoia and trickery has given him many ears and many eyes, and it would be all too easy for them to catch wind of a rather dire plot against him. A scheme from one so personal an enemy that it will warrant his inimitable presence at the battlefield.”

“By the lord!” John exclaimed with humor at the prospect, “You’ll have Henry Percy standing atop battlements in full armor expecting a battle that shall never be! And it would work, Dick! I never knew you to be so sly!”

Even their stoic father could not hide the smile creeping upon his wizened features. It seemed that in times of peace and serenity, the earl of Warwick was nothing unordinary, even mediocre. Now his father could only marvel as he responded to every challenge put forth before him with a hitherto unknown proficiency that had always risen at a moment quite timely to the occasion.

The young Richard Neville seemed quite pleased with himself.

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“What is this, Humphrey?” The queen said angrily, “Parliament assembles and you’ll not attend!?”

“I’ll not leave the King in the state he is in. Forgive me, your grace… but there are times when I feel you are… too willful for his peace of mind. It is to your credit in all domains save for the king’s-”

“Don’t insult and flatter me in the same breath.” She said, turning her head away from him sharply.

“I only speak the truth, your majesty.” Humphrey replied, growing less and less tactful with the queen ever since he confronted her about Edward’s legitimacy in Westminster. It was not his doing, however, for Margaret would never speak to him with the same friendly tone and demeanor since the discussion.

“I’ll go.” Edmund Beaufort offered, rubbing his arm with his opposite hand nervously, “No doubt there is a ploy in the works to appoint the Duke of York as Protector of the Realm. I will not let him.”

“Because they will appoint you, Edmund.” She said with a touch of awe in her voice, one so finely practiced, “Are you prepared for this?”

The Duke of Somerset’s eyes widened as his worry was anything but lessened.

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“Gah!” Richard Neville the younger let out as a peasant Londoner hacked and coughed alongside the road of the city. He and his father both recoiled from the commoner as the earl of Warwick derisively said, “We all may die of plague before Parliament is put to rest. I cannot say I blame some of our adversaries for avoiding this bubonic den in the summer time.”

“That was the point, my son.” Salisbury said, holding a cloth to his mouth, “At this moment, we risk our lives to appoint Richard as protector. Many men are not as willing to put their health on the line for the Queen’s will.”

“Ah.” The younger sighed with a smile, “Hopefully this sudden bout of absenteeism will favor us enough so that I may never need to visit this place again, lest I catch some disease just by staring at someone for too long!”

“Richard.” The senior said with a smile, warranting the youth to look to his father with an expecting smile… yet when he realized the Earl of Salisbury was not addressing him; he looked to the figure standing before them.

He stood up tall and straight, his features were watchful yet gentle… radiating wisdom and unrest in equal measure. His light brown hair was graying, and the small beard upon his chin thinning with age, yet it added only to his attractiveness. This was the Duke of York, Richard Plantagenet.

“Good to see you again, my friend!” He said with a smile as he took Salisbury’s hand in his own and embraced the older man in a hug. John Tiptoft stood behind the Duke of York rather impatiently waiting for the pleasantries to be done with.

“Hullo, Richard.” The Earl of Warwick said with a friendly drawl as he leaned back and smiled. The Duke of York tilted his head as he regarded the youngest member of the group. “Hello, young Warwick.” Richard Plantagenet said with amusement, “It’s been some time, hasn’t it? I have heard, with everything tallied up this year, you’ve more wealth to your name than either of us old men.”

“It was luck.” The young Richard Neville said, raising his shoulders as he closed his eyes and smiled, “The Nevilles have always been blessed with marriage into good families.”

“So they have.” The Duke of York replied, turning to regard Salisbury, “I myself have married the sister of a great lord, and have had the fortune of counting this same man as the betrothed of my kin. One I am most glad to have as a relative and ally both.”

“Shall we find our seats, Richard?” John Tiptoft impatiently asked, unable to endure the polite exchanges any further.

kasie
08-02-2010, 08:48 AM
Just a query, Kingmaker: would the queen have suckled the baby herself? Would she have had a wet nurse? Perhaps this is a matter of historical record: if so, you may wish to make more of it.

re: the family connections: could you present it in the form of a family tree at the beginning of the book. Readers could turn back to refresh their memories as necessary through the story. Maybe you have more than one book here - there is certainly enough material for several volumes.

re: the many Richards: did any of them have familiar names, Dick, Dickon, Rich? Otherwise you may have to resort to referring to them by surname alone or by both names which is admittedly cumbersome. I believe Hilary Mantel had the same problem with Thomas in Wolf Hall!