The West Wind

[adityasam]

We enjoy it when you flow
Sometimes you gush and fill us with woe
We ask you to calm down, But no
It's waste in asking you to lay low.

Shelley said thy sister was calmer
And thou cooler, she warmer.
Nevertheless you are a charmer
But she does it without a murmur.

Honestly, I have written 'something' but I aimed for the rhyming scheme. Hope you will like the scheme at least.

[hillwalker]

It might have been better if you had abandoned the rhyme scheme and written in a simpler form. I think you have a number of quite relevant thoughts you wished to share with us about the nature of this wind, but having to repeat the rhyme at the end of every line means you have not expressed these thoughts as successfully or clearly as you would wish:

make us woe - I believe you mean 'fill us with woe' or 'make us woeful'

Nevertheless you are a charmer - can a wind really be a 'charmer' or did you choose the word because it rhymes?

Remember - poetry doesn't have to rhyme - you will find a lot of wonderful poetry on LitNet that actually avoids using rhyme.

Decide what you want to say first, then find the simplest way of conveying it to the reader - while impressing your own personal viewpoint onto it.
The burden of making every line rhyme will often force a writer to twist the lines into unnatural shapes that distort what he is trying to say. I think that is what is happening here.

H

[adityasam]

Thanks for reading it hillwalker. Yea I admitted that I aimed for the rhyme scheme because it is uncommon (aaaa; bbbb). I personified the west wind and made it a charmer.

[angliholic]

We enjoy it when you flow
Sometimes you gush and make us woe
We ask you to calm down, But no
It's waste in asking you to lay low.

Shelley said thy sister was calmer
And thou cooler, she warmer.
Nevertheless you are a charmer
But she does it without a murmur.

Honestly, I have written 'something' but I aimed for the rhyming scheme. Hope you will like the scheme at least.

Hi, I adore this short but melodious poem
The west wind itself
is a catching name
That charms me everytime
I hear it without fail.

[adityasam]

Hey Angliholic, First of all thanks for reading my poem. I am a fanatic of your way of replying to poems, a poem. Start a fan club and I will be the first to join it.

:party:

[angliholic]

Hey Angliholic, First of all thanks for reading my poem. I am a fanatic of your way of replying to poems, a poem. Start a fan club and I will be the first to join it.

:party:

Hi, adit,
Don't say that
Because it did embarrass me!
I come here to practice
as an apprentice.

[adityasam]

What's embarrassing in that? You should feel proud because you have the skill to reply so uniquely.