Time for a cherry

[Bar22do]

A cherry in my navel,
red, the stalk up,
on love's altar waiting
to be nabbed.

O co-creator of things
I wouldn’t speak out
our zeal still inspires
perhaps because
I admit no pyjamas
and your inguen likes air
and when we fight
it’s also, just in case,
without attire,

against all expectations
of the fair world for which,
our age advancing,
even dancing, dancing!
is a time warp

but who cares:

you reach for the cherry
and I get to your mouth
just in time,
for when you’re about
to spit the pit
my lips intercept it
and, mute for a while,
I see how you hunger
these lines you conquered
then in no time.

[Hawkman]

Sweet Bar,

This is an enchanting poem.

I note a couple of typos though, "on love altar waiting", should be love's

o is more commonly written oh.

I'm not sure that doings is the right word here, events might be better or a similar word anyway. maybe happenings, it has the right sort of connotation.

...in which
oh our age advancing..." reads a little oddly I would move it thus,

"our age, oh advancing..." or better still leave the oh out altogether

So not much to pick on really. A wonderful sensual poem. Lucky cherry :D

Live and be well,

Your Hawk.

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi Bar, love the imagery of the cherry. I admit I had to look up inguen. That's something learnt for today.
I have read your poem several times now and enjoyed and understood more each time. Keep dodging bullets
JB

[Bar22do]

Thanks my editor-Hawk :ihih: for drawing my attention to those unforgivable errors! Shall I ever learn...
And for liking this cherry poem!

Be well!


Baldy! I'm flattered you read this little poem several times! and that it gave you pleasure!

For the rest, under your protective thought, I'm bullet-proof!

Be inspired! and thanks -

Good wishes to you both - Bar (in serach of her -d)

[Hawkman]

I guess you're not meek then :D

One last thought:

"is called time on" would be better as "time is called"

best. H

[Bar22do]

Yeah, but then the nuance doesn't really go with the stanza, does it...

Meek? well it depends, in which sense and/or circumstances, all is relative; in inverted order though I love Keemun very much when it's authentic!

Added later: I came up with a replacement for "is called time on"... ON APPROVAL!

[tailor STATELY]

Very nice Bar22do. Quite intimate.

I had an unexpected flashback when I read "even dancing, dancing!
is a time warp" to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Forgive me.

sincerely,
tailor STATELY

[Hawkman]

Yes, Bar that works. The time-warp was slightly unexpected as it changed the sense of the line though. But the poem reads very well. It's a great poem.

live and be well, H

[TheEarthIsRound]

Simply Brilliant!! Thx for sharing, bar.

[qimissung]

Adorable! Whatever "they" are doing, they sound like they are having fun!

[Bar22do]

Thanks

- tailorStately (I forgive you of course, :smilewinkgrin: I myself saw the connection post factum, but let it be...) ,

- TheEarthIsRound, for your genuine appreciation with the exclamation mark!

- and qimissung, very much, and yes, they're having fun indeed!

Be well and I'm looking forwards to reading you!

Bar

[dafydd manton]

I think I need a sit-down and new batteries in my pacemaker! I've got to say, I liked that.

[blank|verse]

This is a cheeky little poem, Bar!

What to make of that opening stanza?! (Although I'm not sure 'grabbed' is the right word in context.)

I'm unsure of the syntax of this bit,

I wouldn’t speak out
our zeal yet inspires,
And the last line

then in a wink of an eye.
reads a bit oddly.

But it's a nicely balanced poem of honesty and playfulness.

[Bar22do]

dafy! take a deep breath! manage your pace-maker! After all nothing happened! I'm glad you like N's impudent confession. Thank you.

B/V: thanks for stopping here. But, what am I to make of this first stanza! :confused5: Anyhow, I have to admit "grabbed" tempted me for the rhythm's sake... I'll think of a better solution while revising.

Thank you both, be well - Bar

[Jerrybaldy]

I wish I knew what a stanza was but I am determined to last as long as I can in ignorance as not knowing the rules is a blessing. I like you Bar.
JB

[Haunted]

This is such a charmer, gentle and seductive and delicious.

[Jerrybaldy]

cherry stalk up. next time i make a tent I will remember x

[hack]

This is such fun Bar.
You make me smile,
then laugh aloud.
It is said that God
is the intelligence
that, from a cherry
pit, brings forth a
cherry tree.

[Bar22do]

Baldy, just read the first stanza and you'll know.

Thank you Haunted and Hack! what a pleasure to give you delight, smile and laughter!
Intelligence IS a fascinating manifestation in the realm of existence. One of the Hebrew names for deity (a bridge between existence and beyond) is El, which, amongst others, means "towards, towards..."

Thanks for your cheerful reactions. Bar