can someone check grammar

[agrokoka]

can someone check grammar in this poem, and does it have sense ?

Have you ever, dreamed a dream
to fall asleep and wake up forgotten
Have you ever, wished a wish
to fall asleep and never to wake up

this is not another blues ,
an ode to solitude
it's a wish
i'm your romeo, be my juliet
let's hide from judging eyes

Have you ever, felt so alone
even dough you were laughing with a crowd
Have you ever, watch at the moon
so pale as your empty heart

this is not another blues ,
an ode to solitude
it's a wish
i'm your romeo, be my juliet
let's hide from these inveighing eyes
i'm your romeo, be my juliet
let's hide from these inveighing eyes

romeo and juliet, they died didn't die in vain
their love is eternal, alive in perpetuity
they lives are now merged, together now in death
i adore the glance,that like they are, we will be


this is not another blues ,
an ode to solitude
it's a wish
i'm your romeo, be my juliet
let's hide from these inveighing eyes
i'm your romeo, be my juliet
let's hide from these inveighing eyes

[Albion]

1. Drop comma after "Have you ever"
2. "never to wake up" is correct but clumsy I suggest substituting "never to waken"
3. First person singular must always be capitalised
4. Similarly, proper nouns must have initial capitalised
5. "even dough" presumably " even though "
6. "watch at the moon" should be "watched the moon" but "gazed at" is more poetical.
7. "so pale as" should be "as pale as"
8. " inveighing" will not be easily understood. I suggest "accusing"
9. "they died didn't die" should be " they died but didn't die "
10. "they lives" should be "their lives"
11. "glance" meaning not understood

[Seasider]

Punctuation is as important as correct grammar for the understanding of any form of writing. This poem suffers from an almost total absence of commas, full stops and question marks.
Line 2 substitution.."to fall asleep and never wake"
Line 6 (and repetition) substitution "or ode"
Line 13 substitution "as pale"
Line 24 "glance" is completely the wrong word.