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griffinax
07-19-2010, 11:21 AM
From Under A Black Water Hole

http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2010/199/b/0/From_Under_A_Black_Water_Hole_by_griffinax.jpg

Sensing the meta - architecture brown,
deepening waters then up through the down,
tumble I fight a fierce electromagnetic,
clinging the muscle frantic and yet romantic,
those which abstract the mind, cognite
the blue of her floro-scent cite,
captive by the concrete cloth,
dirt liquid, pass the eye up through the nose,
amalgamate it would with the colored prose,
when perceive the indicative, fiery pure of the free,
swing back up, would let them see,
the ones who dare not dive,
the muffle swamp of the real life.

Hello expressive beings.

This being my first poem, might represent how exceedingly unaware of all the technical guidelines underlying Literary Arts, or Poetry, as such, I am. I take much interest in Philosophy and Psychology. Working on my Environment Art Portfolio to land me a job in the flourishing Game Art industry. I am a Hobbyist having no formal or systematic institutional instructions in Literature. Pardon my ignorance, if any prevails, in the future.

I do undergraduate studies on Philosophy and Psychology by my self as my Uni. lectures have still not commenced. Just mentioning this in case if I am interrogated upon those subjects, I might not be well informed :)

Any fellow beings tooling themselves with Game Art/Development, are invited to approach me for any kind of inquiry or collaboration. I have proficient knowledge of 3ds Max, I sculpt in Mudbox and learning UDK i.e. Unreal Editor 3. Needless to indicate, I am an Environment Artist.

Cheers.

- Jay

PrinceMyshkin
07-19-2010, 12:14 PM
I can't claim to have understood this. It is (to me) overly dense with imagery, and may suffer from a first-timer's instinct to try to pack everything in as if it were not only her first, but ALL the poetry she might ever write. Pare it down, if you can. Bear in mind the aphorism of the architect Mies van der Rohe: "Less is more..."

griffinax
07-20-2010, 04:59 AM
I can't claim to have understood this. It is (to me) overly dense with imagery, and may suffer from a first-timer's instinct to try to pack everything in as if it were not only her first, but ALL the poetry she might ever write. Pare it down, if you can. Bear in mind the aphorism of the architect Mies van der Rohe: "Less is more..."
This was just as it flowed, the condensation is not intentional. I will hold your advice in mind the next time I begin scribbling down one.

Thank you!

PrinceMyshkin
07-20-2010, 07:51 AM
This was just as it flowed, the condensation is not intentional. I will hold your advice in mind the next time I begin scribbling down one.

Thank you!

But one's poetry is almost always a collaboration, between the subconscious that flows and the conscious that afterwards seeks to shape and channel that flow. Each has her/his creative role to play.